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Parenting

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Is there anyone in England that still agrees with smacking their children (in 2025)?

86 replies

MintHare · 28/07/2025 17:57

Just to clarify I was smacked as a child (2002) and have siblings latest being 15 (2010) where also smacked. Whilst I don’t think I was abused or anything I don’t think it’s something parents should do. However my and my mum got into a decision about the topic and she reckoned it’s something common nowadays just kept behind closed doors, which is something I disagreed with. But it got me thinking and just wanted to see what other experiences were on here. To be clear I do t want this to be a high judgment post or anything just something I was curious about. Thanks for any response

OP posts:
healthyteeth · 30/07/2025 08:40

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 30/07/2025 07:56

I'm not sure how I feel about it. DH smacks our kids. I don't know where or how hard because he takes them upstairs to do it. They behave better for him than for me, so it seems to be working. He tells me I should smack them too but I'm not completely comfortable with it.

Of course it’s ‘working’. They’re probably terrified of him.

Your whole post also gives me the chills. What bizarre behaviour. Are you in the UK out of interest?

Imagine if you and your husband lived with an elderly parent and when your husband deemed they’d misbehaved he took them upstairs to physically punish them. Creepy and sinister right.

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 30/07/2025 08:49

healthyteeth · 30/07/2025 08:40

Of course it’s ‘working’. They’re probably terrified of him.

Your whole post also gives me the chills. What bizarre behaviour. Are you in the UK out of interest?

Imagine if you and your husband lived with an elderly parent and when your husband deemed they’d misbehaved he took them upstairs to physically punish them. Creepy and sinister right.

I'm in England, and yes, it's starting to give me the chills too.

healthyteeth · 30/07/2025 08:55

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 30/07/2025 08:49

I'm in England, and yes, it's starting to give me the chills too.

Good.
I don’t know you or your children but I beg you to put a stop to this. Children are just learning! They can’t be expected to obey and comply with absolutely everything.

Smacking raises so many questions about power and authority and rights.

SprayWhiteDung · 30/07/2025 10:12

GeneralPeter · 30/07/2025 06:09

I agree that eating healthy food etc are beneficial, but those are the goals. Many normal methods parents use to achieve those goals would be unacceptable if done to an adult. That's why the test doesn't work. (e.g. 'grounding' an adult is false imprisonment, withdrawing spending money is financial abuse, etc. Harnessing an adult so they can't escape you would be unacceptable too).

I agree that teaching a child that we hit people whenever they annoy us or ignore us is definitely a bad lesson. But I'm not sure any of these really get at the question of whether smacking is on balance helpful or harmful (exclude extreme cases, obviously, as I think there's total agreement on that). Because they just beg the question: does smacking teach the above, etc.

I'm not ultra pro-smacking (I don't do it). But I do feel a lot of arguments against smacking start by assuming the thing that they claim to demonstrate.

Like, is grounding a teenager on balance harmful or beneficial? Firstly, depends on the context. I'm not saying it's the same as smacking. But the one thing that wouldn't help us decide is to consider a different question such as: 'should we teach children that they should lock people up whenever they feel annoyed, by locking them in the basement'. That's a different question entirely. You could then take all sorts of examples of sadists who've locked people up with horrible effects, but it wouldn't actually tell you much about grounding.

I do agree that the methods that many parents employ to try to attain the worthy goals are potentially as damaging as smacking.

Encouraging children to eat their vegetables is a million miles from standing over them for hours and angrily forcing them to eat foods that they find intolerable.

Personally, I remain to be convinced about grounding as an acceptable form of punishment.

I think there is an important balance between what a child is old enough to be responsible for and thus what they are 'forced' to do. Babies and toddlers will fight against having nappies changed, wearing socks, having their nails cut, being strapped into a car seat, not being allowed to touch knives or run into traffic, however fun it looks.

I'd say the acid test is probably how the majority of those children will feel retrospectively about your parenting of them when they are adults. There aren't many adults who feel trauma that their parents cleaned them up and didn't leave them to run around in their own poo, kept them safe in cars, prevented them from cutting themselves on knives or get electrocuted etc. - quite the opposite. I certainly haven't seen any MN threads asking how these things have adversely affected the rest of your life.

Essentially, these are all stages that an adult has to dictate on your behalf, before you are able to understand or take responsibility for yourself, with the goal of becoming an independent older child, teenager, adult, when they will no longer be necessary. They have an adult equivalent: wiping yourself after you've been to the toilet, putting a seatbelt on in a car, being careful how you hold and store knives etc.

By stark contrast, hitting other people is never something helpful or worthwhile that is needed in society - at any age. Ironically, for those who use hitting a person as punishment, there are various crimes whose enforcement will punish you FOR hitting other people.

Melonjuice · 30/07/2025 10:14

Lots of people still do it especially in cultures where it’s normal

soupyspoon · 30/07/2025 10:17

You asked about England OP is that because you perceive that in other areas of the UK/Britain where its illegal there is an assumption that everyone there doesnt agree with it?

I think there are a sizable number of people, from a range of communities actually, who do think that its harmless and purposeful. They probably wont say that out loud though so you'll never know.

Daffodilsarefading · 30/07/2025 11:05

On further reflection, yes many, many people hit their children. Many, many threaten them with violence too.
Went shopping with adult dd yesterday and whilst she was in the changing room, either side of her had parents screaming at their children. One dad was heard to storm into the changing room and scream at his young child to hurry the fuck up or he would knock his fucking head off. The child was around 8 years old and started crying, saying the clothes were too tight. The dad replied that they would have to do as he had had enough and was ready to rip his fucking head off.
The other side had a mother screaming that she was fucking sick of all this pissing about. That the child was getting on her fucking nerves and the mother was ready to leave her.
Then dd went into the food court, a woman stormed past shouting at her teenage child when the child said mums card had declined the transaction. The mother screamed where are my fucking chips!
This wasn’t some god forsaken shopping centre either.

LemondrizzleShark · 30/07/2025 11:25

Of course children are humans who make mistakes, but first-time obedience is the goal, and to me means that my children will recieve a consequence for all instances of bad behaviour and not "warnings".

I assume you do not have kids yet, because “first time obedience” is not a realistic goal! Especially with no warnings. Children do not have great memories, especially when something exciting and tempting is in front of them, and if you aren’t going to give a warning you are going to spend all of your time dishing out punishments, and have a very upset toddler who had no idea why he is being punished.

Even smackers give a warning. Punishing somebody because they have broken a rule that they didn’t even remember existed (because they are three) is abusive too I’m afraid.

Maybe consider a parenting course when you have kids yourself (most children’s centres run them) given you didn’t experience “normal” parenting yourself.

drspouse · 30/07/2025 11:39

Actually, first time obedience as in "not having to keep repeating yourself" is a pretty good goal.
This doesn't mean "anticipating mum's every word" or "jump to it soldier". It means just give the instruction once in simple language and once children are used to it they know you aren't going to "nag"".
For example, I ask DD to go and get her swimming bag. She wanders off, plays with toys. Then asks when we are leaving for swimming.
"What did I ask you to do?"
"Go and get my swimming bag. But when are we leaving?"
"Let me know when you've done that and I'll answer the question".
It's a work in progress but it saves me nagging and she knows I'm not going to go on and on about stuff.
DS has ADHD and repeated instructions escalating in tone lead to him getting over excited/dysregulated, because chaos and excitement leads to a dopamine hit and so he'll try to get to that stage. So for him it's best to give an instruction, and stand still and say nothing while he processes it.

Fizbosshoes · 30/07/2025 13:24

Repeating myself multiple times is just as normal part of parenting
DS is 15 and seems to need at least 3 reminders to please unload the dishwasher! I have many parenting fails but I don't even register kids ignoring instructions as one of them!

drspouse · 30/07/2025 22:51

There comes a time when you annoy even yourself though, and when you find that three times has escalated to 10 times and then to "never".

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