I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been together just over 2 years. I found out I’m pregnant 6 days ago. I’m on the copper coil (as far as I know), but I have an emergency scan tomorrow to check where it is because they think it may have come out, which is how I ended up pregnant. Clearly, neither of us were ready to have a baby, which is why I had the coil. This obviously came as a shock to both of us.
Over 2 years ago, with my previous partner, I had an abortion because I knew I couldn’t do it with him and I felt too young at 17. The abortion went wrong and I ended up miscarrying a few weeks later. It was really traumatic, and I went through it completely alone. I was sat in my own blood for hours, holding my baby in my hands. I would never, ever want to go through that again. I regret it every single day. I’ve always felt like my purpose in life is to be a mum and have my own family.
When I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he didn’t really say much at first. Later that evening, he told me we have to get rid of it. But he’s known from the very start of our relationship that I wouldn’t be able to go through with an abortion again — it’s something I’ve always been honest and open about. I reminded him that I can’t and won’t get an abortion, because I simply wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Since I found out, he’s been cruel. He’s called me vile, accused me of trapping him, said it’s going to ruin his life, said he hates his life now, asked what it’s going to be like moving forward. He’s said he’ll kill himself and that he’ll leave me. I’ve stayed calm the entire time and tried to give him space to process everything, but he’s had me crying hysterically most days from how he’s been treating me. Then as soon as I cry, he’s suddenly nice — hugs me, says he’s sorry, and that he doesn’t want me to leave.
The other day I asked him directly, do you want me to leave or do you want to make this work? He said he wants to make it work.
Last night, I called him while I was at work because I’m not feeling great and I’m going through a lot of symptoms. All I wanted was to talk about it, but anytime I bring up the pregnancy he acts like I’m annoying him, saying things like “ugh shut up.” I got annoyed and told him he needs to grow up and deal with it, or just f* off. He said “whatever” and other things, and when I asked why he was doing this to me, he told me to leave him alone. I hung up and messaged him explaining how upset I am, how he’s making me feel, and that this bullying isn’t okay. He never replied or called me back.
I do sleep-ins at work and work very long shifts. He knew he upset me, and still left me at work feeling like this — unable to sleep, upset, and alone, knowing I already hate staying here, let alone now. I haven’t heard from him since, and it’s now 10am the next morning. I don’t get home until 10pm tonight.