HV says to potty train at 12m

[Cinnabonswirl]

My ds is almost 13m, the HV says we should be potty training from 12m, all my friends from NCT have been told the same, but I’m not convinced? Surely it would be closer to elimination communication at this age? Since he turned one Ive been putting him on the potty sometimes and Ive switched to cloth nappies to see if that helps but I don’t know if I’m just making work for myself. Has anyone managed to potty train at this point? Is there any point making a proper effort?

I’d hazard a guess that what you’re calling elimination communication, your health visitor is putting under the general bracket of potty training.

Can you potty train so they independently use a toilet or potty at this age? Probably not. Can you work towards a point where they’re generally dry and most stuff goes into a potty or toilet, yes.

Realistically, even at 2.5 they’re not independently using a toilet even when potty trained so it’s not as different as many would
make out.

Son was 2.2 and daughter 2.5. Daughter was much quicker at getting there. She took about 5 days until no accidents son was about 10 days. 12 months seems absolutely crackers and I would ignore this advice.

The thing about potty training is not to stress about it. Do it in the way which is easiest for you. If you put yourself in a position where you're stressed about accidents, you communicate that stress to your DC and that is ultimately unhelpful.

I can't imagine trying to potty-train a 12mo would be anything less than very stressful so I'd definitely give that one a dodge.

Life is about choices. If you choose to devote your energy to this, you have less energy to devote to other stuff. So ultimately you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? I have a friend who potty-trained her children at 20 months and, while I would never criticize her choices, they did seem to involve lugging round a travel potty or staying close to a public loo for quite a long period of time, both things that I would have found quite annoying.

DD was potty trained at 1 and dry through the night at 2, although I know generally the trend is to train much older now, I suspect because disposable nappies are so much easier to use.

Maybe the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way again to potty training younger.

I could be wrong, but I think this is in response to concerns that is an increase of children who are starting school without being toilet trained.

it was suggested to me when dd had her hv check at 10 months. I politely explained that I thought it was a load of rubbish and I’d be waiting until she was completely ready to start thank you very much. HV didn’t bat an eyelid to that response so I expect some of them also feel it’s ridiculous but have to say it regardless.

To be honest, changing dd’s nappy is traumatic enough at this age - I can’t imagine trying to get her to actually sit still on a potty for long enough to get a positive result!!

My youngest is 15 months. I was told the same thing at our 8-12 month HV review. I said “I am politely going to ignore that ridiculous advice.” Even now DC is not showing signs of being ready.

We have recently purchased a potty. We put DC on after a bath each night to get used to sitting on it. Also introducing vocab. Youngest is quite forwards in communication and will say older DC name and wee wee or poo poo when they go to the toilet.

This is how we started with older DC too. 1 toilet trained day and night at 2years and 4months - all at once. Other day by 2years and 2 months in the day and night much later by 3. They are all different. And usually ready between 2-2.5years. Unless there is a medical and SEN reason there is no reason why a child should be entering primary school not toilet trained or having regular accidents.

@Ziggy30 how was the advice phrased? Get baby out of nappies at 12 months, or start introducing/encouraging them using the potty?

When you say 1 and 2 though, what do you mean? There’s a big difference between 12m and 23m
and 24m and 35 months for example. What did you do to teach her at one? Could she communicate yet?

could be wrong, but I think this is in response to concerns that is an increase of children who are starting school without being toilet trained.
This is what I thought too. If they say 12m and you do it ‘late,’ at least you’re still way before school age.

how was the advice phrased? Get baby out of nappies at 12 months, or start introducing/encouraging them using the potty?
for me it was in with a load of other advice, I didn’t quite register at the time or I’d have asked for more information on specifically what she meant. But she was talking about what changes happen at 12m, so saying for example Stop using bottles, you can switch to cows milk, and start potty training.

I potty trained DC1 and DC2 from the day after their 2nd birthdays, both took about 2-3 weeks. I read Oh Crap with DC3 and potty trained him at 20m. Also took about 2-3 weeks.

before disposable nappies & washing machines, 90% of babies were potty trained by 18 months. The physiology of babies/toddlers hadn’t changed, it’s our expectations.

I did the elimination communication thing from when my first DC was 5 months and by 12 months she was doing all her poos in the potty or toilet and then we potty trained properly at 22 months. I would say that it's fine if you are at home and don't work. I did this during lock down so was home 23 hours a day. When we did train she was very quick and hardly any accidents.

I couldn't do this with my 2nd DC as I had a toddler as well as we were out and about a lot. He wasn't ready until 2.5 months and we did potty training from scratch. It was a completely different process but all in after 2 weeks, he was accident free.

Do what's right for you and your LO. There are no awards for early training and it is hard work but in the end the hard work paid off for me. On the other hand DC2 training was quick and he picked it up relatively easy. The main thing is that it's not stressful for you both.

To be honest, changing dd’s nappy is traumatic enough at this age - I can’t imagine trying to get her to actually sit still on a potty for long enough to get a positive result!!
I wondered if it might be easier and that’s what was making me consider it more! I dread those changes!

Can you work towards a point where they’re generally dry and most stuff goes into a potty or toilet, yes
i wasn’t even convinced about this, I’d be happy if that’s where we got to though.

thanks everyone anyway, this has been very reassuring that I’m not an idiot and my child isn’t developmentally delayed because we can’t master this!

I did Elimination Communication with my little one and we took nappies away at 15 months with some accidents but she was completely dry by 18 months and could hold for 3-4 hours.
She could sign for when she needed a poo by 11 months so she was definitely aware of when she needed to go.
It's definitely possible if you want to give it a go - you don't need to have been doing EC - they can pick it up quite quickly if you're consistent and you save loads on nappies in the long run.

Can you give me any tips? I try putting him on the potty after meals and naps, but by the time I get him out the high chair or he’s woken up enough I’m usually too late. So right now the potty is just there for exposure to it.

I think I’m kinda accidentally doing it with my youngest. We’ve been doing baby signing and from 11m he tells me when he needs changing. I’ve been talking to him about poop while he’s clearly having one and now he usually makes the change sign a couple of minutes before doing a poo.

I have 5 DCs and they have all been totally different with toilet training.

With DC1 she had to be out of nappies to go to playgroup, and I was surrounded by smug mothers who'd trained at 18 months. Total disaster. Started at just gone 2. She had no idea that she needed to go and we had 6 months of constantly wet pants, wet furniture and she stank all the time. She also wet the bed until she was about 7 years old (as did my brother).

Decided to leave it with DC2 who trained himself at 2.5. Said nappies were disgusting and refused to wear them - dry day and night with no issues!

Can't remember DC3 at all (so presumably no issues). DC4 we took abroad at 3.5 and DH refused to pack nappies - spent the whole of a flight to the US in the toilet with him.

DC5 was at nursery full time and they kept asking about training, but she had no clue even at 3 so I refused. Lots of moaning from my mother and her friends about how dreadful it was to have a child of 3 in nappies. Realised her overnight nappies were dry for several days in a row around 3.5 and put her in pants. That was it. No accidents and dry day and night.

Found out much later that our whole family has ADHD/ ASD/ Dyspraxia, so probably explains the issues.

Nursery put pressure on us to train DD the second she turned 2, it looks ages and she had loads of accidents. I left it til DS was nearer 3 and it was loads easier- he got it within a couple of days. With second DD, she had just turned 3 when I did if- I felt mildly guilty for it, but with 3 young kids at that point I just hadn’t had the bandwidth to do it earlier. She also picked it up immediately, and was consistently dry night and day within a few days. Am very glad I didn’t sweat it with the second two, end result was the same but just with a lot less drama!

My DS was young at 2 years 2 months old there is no way he would have got that at 12 months.

She had a few words at one. We had a potty downstairs which she used, after being persuaded (bribed) to sit on it. Rewards for going on the potty. Yes, some accidents, but mostly potty trained. This was at about 14 months old. Would take a potty out with us.

Dry through the night at about 28 months. Did nothing to train her for this, she started waking up with dry nappies, would wee as soon as she was put in the bath, so I knew she was ready for no nappy overnight. We did have a waterproof sheet on the bed just in case, but there weren't many accidents.

More bonkers advice from a HV. I potty trained my DC from about 3 years old. The girls got the idea before their brothers did. IME, a baby at aged 12 months will probably pee when they are put on the potty because of feel of the cold plastic. Toddlers need to learn how to recognise the urge to use the toilet first and be able to talk well enough to communicate this.

Depends on the child IMO two of mine were 18mo the other two were just before 2nd bday. DD2 could have potty trained from 12mo without accidents but I thought that was ridiculously young so pushed it slightly longer. She didn’t even take a day and was dry day and night instantly. The others were based on their personal level of understanding. DD1 took the longest with 3 days of accidents.

I think each child is different but it’s mostly when the parents ready to. It was definitely me putting it off with my youngest 3 as opposed to them being ready/not ready.

It’s generally best to ignore most stuff HVs say. Just smile and nod, and then ignore

And that's fine.. I got a lot of information from this ladies blog - godiaperfree.com/yes-you-can-start-ec-at-12-18-months-of-age-and-finish/#:~:text=Yes%2C%20you%20can%20start%20EC,%2D%20Go%20Diaper%20Free

The most important thing is not to get stressed about it and not have a target because any tension coming from you can lead to them withholding.
But a couple of other helpful things - put baby on the potty whenever you do a nappy change, before and after being in a 'container' i.e. a car seat, pushchair high chair etc. as well as before and after nap/in the am. It's easier to 'catch' a poo because you can move them onto the potty when they start doing it. Just give them the opportunity and make a big happy fuss when they get it right.
We did it because on the environmental burden of nappies and the fact my DH has some sensory issues so we wanted to move away from poo nappies ASAP. We started at 4 months and changed max 5 poo nappies after she started weaning

Same here. Starting this way at 12m used to be the norm. I wasn't a SAHM I was a single parent. They did it at nursery and I continued at home. She was completely potty trained before she was 2 and it wasn't a struggle.