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Staying over the weekend round grandparents

11 replies

Mum54321m · 25/07/2025 12:38

So my kids grandparents dont have much of a relationship we only see them maybe twice a year if that, they have asked to have my kids for the weekend now I think it's great for them to try build a relationship with them as I dont have a lot of family members doing that but the kids are uncomfortable and really do not want to stay there without us, my partner said they need to go that his parents are trying but you can't go from no interest for years (my kids are 12 and 9) and then just have them the are pretty much strangers of course they are uncomfortable. I dont think it's OK to leave your kids with people they are uncomfortable even if you know them I have suggested maybe have them the whole day instead build up to a sleepover, but my partner is now upset with me and feel like he will just take them anyway. I really dont want an argument about this but feel like that is what it will come down to because it's his parents. Just some added info he mentioned this last week and said he was gonna say no because it's unfair for kids however when we had a discussion the other day he said I should get my dad to stop giving kids money all the time which is when I said well I will discuss it with him however my dad is very involved in my kids lives he sees them everyday so I did make a point that my dad has a really good relationship with the kids , now my partner said I can't say he is the only one that bothers and deny access from my parents but I am not I am OK for them to see the kids but should be what the kids are OK with.

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PoolTime345 · 25/07/2025 14:28

Your DH's issues are clouding his judgment. You have to stand your ground here. At 12 and 9 they definitely have a say and you really shouldn't dump them with people who they barely know.

mindutopia · 25/07/2025 14:43

Nope, I wouldn’t send my dc overnight anywhere they weren’t comfortable with people they don’t really know.

It sounds like they are skipping some critical steps in relationship building. But also at 9 & 12, your children know that their grandparents don’t have much interest in them. I had a set of grandparents like this and no way would I have ever wanted a sleepover with them.

Would they stay over with your partner there? Have they ever stayed overnight there with both of you together? It seems a very big jump.

This also has nothing to do with your dad, completely separate relationships and it sounds lovely that your dad has cultivated that with them.

CurlewKate · 25/07/2025 14:46

Why doesn’t he go and stay the weekend at his parents with the kids?

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BoredZelda · 25/07/2025 15:25

Nope. They don’t have to go. My daughter doesn’t like staying with my parents so we don’t make her do it. She loves staying with MIL and organises to go their directly with MIL then just gives us the dates.

You don’t have to deny access, visit as a family, invite them to you, have days out with them etc.

Meadowfinch · 25/07/2025 15:50

If the DCs aren't comfortable then they don't have to go to stay with (to them) virtual strangers. If your dh is so keen for them to go, he needs to go too, to ensure everyone is happy and relaxed. Or you could all visit.

But dumping two reluctant dcs in an unfamiliar environment is not OK. If they are anything like mine, they will ring and ask you to go and get them, or worse head for the bus station and try to come home on their own.

amyds2104 · 25/07/2025 20:36

I agree with the idea of him going too. I think it’s nice they want to build a relationship with your dc but it needs to be on your children’s terms. Dad needs to go too and be a part of that.

Dilly99 · 25/07/2025 20:59

Please don’t make your kids stay if they don’t want to. My parents made me stay with friends I wasn’t comfortable with as a child and it affected me badly for a long time.

Lafufufu · 25/07/2025 21:17

You need to be really clear with him

You are absolutely not denying access...
But you are absolutely going to refuse forced access.
It would be wrong to make them go for a whole weekend.

Your DH needs to go with them for the weekend.
Why exactly won't he spend a weekend or two with his parents and his children?

ns87 · 25/07/2025 21:30

Your DH should go with them, if he's so keen

PinkBobby · 25/07/2025 21:53

Denying access would be not allowing them to see them at all. What you’re suggesting is seeing them more regularly until they are more familiar and therefore more comfortable staying away for the night. You are acting in your children’s best interests. If your DH insists on it happening, I’d pack my bags too and let the grandparents know I was staying for the first one, especially if my children didn’t do sleepovers regularly with other family members/friends.

MissRaspberry · 25/07/2025 22:21

You're not denying access you're offering grandparents time with your kids they're just not ready to stay over without mum and dad which is understandable. The kids have met your husbands parents only a handful of times really if they only see you all twice yearly.
My own mum wanted to have my kids for a weekend within a few short months of meeting my youngest two when they were only 6 and 4years old(mum lived in Finland for 7years and we had no contact with her for a number of years before my little ones were even born. I naturally said no as she wanted them to sleep over without me being there which wasn't going to happen and she got arsey over it and seemed very desperate to get my kids to stay with her without me. She even went as far as saying "well let the girls come out with us and THEY can decide whether or not they want to stay over" my girls weren't up for that either and I told her so. She certainly didn't hide her disappointment and tried to insinuate that I was making the kids say they didn't want to stay over. My girls simply weren't comfortable being with her away from me as they didn't know her well enough. I have since gone no contact with her as she wouldn't respect boundaries without attempting guilt trips

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