DS - 3yo - aggressive and difficult - please tell me they grow out of this?

[Ihatemyselfmore]

I’ve been in tears today and just need some positive stories.

i have a DS who turned 3 a few months ago. Two seemed a breeze compared to three.

He hits, throws and screams often when he doesn’t get his own way (not all the time, but often, especially if tired/over stimulated).It doesn’t last for prolonged periods of time, but can happen multiple times a day.

He can be a fussy eater and doesn’t really eat any fruit or veg unless we hide it in his food.

He still doesn’t consistently sleep through the night, though getting a bit better.

He is defiant, it’s a battle to get him dressed/brush his teeth/dry him after the bath.

He is awful at sharing, again seeing slight improvement here but not great.

He hits me or my husband every day pretty much, we have the odd incident in nursery with staff or other children, to do with pushing, hitting or throwing when angry.

I often meet up on my non working days with other mums for play dates and in those situations he plays lovely and has a great time interacting with the other child.

When he isn’t being defiant/angry he is a lovely boy, makes me laugh, is affectionate, really engaging in play, great speech and communication, understands lots.

I have spoken to preschools SEN lead and they don’t have any concerns and said this can be normal part of a child’s development - I’ve done all the progress checkers - all fine - we have talked to him about his emotions and other ways to express them and set boundaries. He does know hitting is wrong. He doesn’t get what he wants from displaying these behaviours.

Please someone tell me this gets better? I’m honestly at my wits end. I’m pregnant and I’m dreading having a newborn and dealing with this behaviour. I’m also having another boy and driving myself insane that I’m going to have two aggressive boys I can’t control and life will be horrible. We are doing everything we are told to make this better - not looking for advice - just solidarity and someone to tell me there is a good chance he will just grow out of this and be a decent human who will be able to make friends and not hurt people 💔

It's normal. Everyone talks about terrible twos but mine was a little angel at age 2!!!
Turned 3 and was exactly as you describe. They grow out of it eventually.
Just be firm and consistent in dealing with his behaviour.
When are you due? There should be time for it to improve before baby comes and he may genuinely surprise you with how good he is with baby.
Get him involved in household tasks now, like fetching things and helping tidy up. Make it fun and a game and he will love helping you, makes it so much easier having a newborn and a toddler if hes already on board with helping.
Also, the park every day to burn off energy.
Minimise screens and sugar especially in the late afternoon.

My boy was a delight at 2, at 3 I found I was counting down the minutes to bedtime and at nearly 4 he’s coming out of it

this is totally normal. My son was a demon at 3. Lovely at 2. He was so aggressive. He bit other kids at nursery (he went twice a week). He would hit me and kick me. It was exhausting. He was also extremely fussy with food.

it got easier by 4. By 4 and a half he was over it. He’s never ever hurt me since. He’s 14 now and still a dream. Although still a fussy eater haha!

Thank you so much for these messages - they are reassuring ❤️❤️

Everyone prepared me for the terrible twos and I was there thinking “this isn’t so bad” - then three hit 😬

We have reduced his screen time massively - we never used to have loads, but it had become a bit of a crutch for eating as he can be fussy. But in the last couple of months we have removed it completely - and have family time or use the tonies/read books instead. We keep his nursery days as screen free days (three days a week) and other days we have no more than 30-60 mins through the day ❤️

He loves helping with tasks so I should do this more with him, and he is very high energy so there is never a day where I don’t get outside with him to burn it off ❤️❤️

Totally normal. My boy twin was like this. Agree with others by 4.5 he was largely over it - starting a pre school attached to a school was a huge help as he soon realised he couldn’t get Away with that behaviour. We still have the odd moment at home where his big emotions seem to get the best of him but it’s swiftly over and no where near as bad as it was. There were times at age 2 (in a single mum) I just hated my life and hated parenting him

@timestheyareachanging25 I can completely empathise - I get an incident report from nursery (they are only once every 6-8 weeks but still…) and I just feel so upset. When he is hitting us you can’t get through to him to stop him other than leaving the room and letting him calm down and in those moments I really dislike being a parent - and dread adding another to the mix! I think like most parents I have days where I’m like “why did I do this?” And other days where DS is the best thing I’ve ever done - but I am very much looking forward to the constant battles and defiance around everything and especially the hitting/aggression to calm down! Twins and a single mum - I don’t know how you did it and have SO much respect for you ❤️

Baby is due in three months - this behaviour has been going on since about March so really hoping we see some improvements soon 🙏

Same. We had no tv (it would placate him while watching but behaviour would escalate when it went off / after), made everything a game based on his interests (“where are your clothes? I wonder what a troll would wear if it was getting dressed today?! Wow your breath stinks like a monster’s, I bet you can’t open your mouth wide to road [in goes the toothbrush] etc etc”). Hitting is really difficult because it hurts and it takes my all to not react! He gets a firm no and moved out of the room until he can be nice. I also saw on TikTok that if you flip them upside down as you see a tantrum coming it floods their nervous system – tried it yesterday and jt worked! Could’ve been a fluke but worth a shot.

Also @Wavescrashingonthebeach its funny you say that I may be surprised how he is with the baby, my friend had a baby, she is about 5 months now - but considering he is boisterous and high energy - he is very careful around her and has come over to her in the pram and tickled her toes, rattled her teether for her to entertain her, and helped her with tummy time - so gives me some hope! Though I also know kids can be worse with their own siblings 🙈

@AtLeastThreeDrinks I also saw on TikTok that if you flip them upside down as you see a tantrum coming it floods their nervous system – tried it yesterday and jt worked! Could’ve been a fluke but worth a shot. - please DO NOT do this .. it is so dangerous and stupid! Bloody fkin tik tok. I despair. 🙇‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Do you never rough play with your kids?! What exactly is so dangerous about it? He ran at me to hit me, I picked him up and said “quick cuddle and then we’ll shake out the grumps!” and then flipped him upside down going “bye bye grumpies!” He went from screaming and about to hit me to giggling. Then we played and carried on with our day.

I mean, re-word it however you like. Playing with a child is fine. Tipping them upside down out of nowhere as they’re about to start a tantrum is not.

Mine was difficult at that age too. I developed distraction techniques for when he was kicking off and that worked. When his brother turned up (he was 6) we and the school made a big deal about how special being a big brother is, and he did love it. We got him involved in helping where he could. His biggest worry was that the baby was going to cry - fortunately baby was super easy (and still is).

Ok, interesting take. The other option was to physically restrain him. From my perspective it was effective, but I’m going to check with him later and see how he felt.