10 weeks Postpartum - will it ever get better?

[Wordsofthewise]

Hi all, I’m 10 weeks postpartum with my second baby, and I’m really struggling. Some days feel manageable, but other times I feel like I’m drowning — physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’ve been trying so hard to hold everything together for my baby and my older child, but I’m exhausted and feel like a shell of a person.

I’ve had some health issues since birth (including high blood pressure and anxiety around it), and while things are improving slowly, I still can’t shake the fear. I often feel lightheaded in the mornings, and my head feels foggy — it doesn’t usually pass until around midday. I’ve had bloods taken and I’m now waiting on the results. Pregnancy was awful and won’t even get into labour (they didn’t believe my waters had broken or that I’m in labour until I was already pushing 😳)

I feel like I’m constantly symptom-spotting or in a state of high alert. This has been made worse by how much I was dismissed during pregnancy and after birth. If it weren’t for me and my husband constantly advocating, I honestly don’t know if I’d still be here — so many things were missed. That experience has left a lasting imprint on how I’m coping now. Even getting these blood tests was such a fight.

It feels like I’m pushing through on sheer willpower. I’m not really living — just surviving.

My newborn is beautiful, but sleep and feeding are all over the place. Milk intake is frequent, which I expected, but the evenings are tough: lots of fussing, contact naps, and trial-and-error soothing. To be honest, I’m not finding him hard — it’s me. I feel broken. My older child is at such a lovely age, and it hurts that I can’t enjoy him the way I want to. We’re home for the summer holidays now, and while I’m grateful for the time, it feels so intense. The guilt is overwhelming.

My husband is incredibly supportive, but I carry so much guilt — for not being more present with my older child, for causing my husband extra worry, and for not soaking up these early weeks the way I’m “supposed to.” I can’t even look at the newborn pictures right now. That time feels so dark to me. HV has not been helpful so don’t feel like their any help and I’ve been in touch with Panda charity.

Honestly, I’m just want it to get better and want reassurance it does! I’m not even sure if I’m looking for advice or just hoping to feel less alone. A part of me knows it passes as I’ve done it before but in the thick of it- it’s hard to see the light. If anyone has been through this and come out the other side, please — tell me it gets better. People say they are there for me but it’s not really an option and it’s just a polite thing people say - there is no village, it’s just us.

Thank you for reading if you got this far.

I'm so sorry, you've had an incredibly traumatic experience and instead of healing, you've gone into having to care for a newborn which is extremely difficult.

I know people talk about enjoying those newborn cuddles but the first 4 months for me were brutal. There were plenty of nice moments but let's not pretend caring for a baby is anything else but HARD.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. OK, your DH had to worry a bit but he didn't have to do the whole thing, did he?

The guilt about the older child? Well, that one is pretty standard, every parent feels that when they have a second.

I think what you're experience is PTSD and you need space to heal.

Rope in or hire some help so you can leave the house for a walk, rest, see a friend. You also need to see the GP but taking pills without also getting a break is pointless.

And it does get better. You know it does.

I am 8 weeks post partum so can understand some of what you are saying however it appears you have been through an incredibly traumatic time. I am not sure how things work in your area but could your HV refer to the perinatal mental health team for support? I'd also be asking for support in where to go to process a traumatic birth.

Are homestart in your area? HVs can put in referral for someone to come out once a week to provide support? How old is your eldest? Is childcare an option for them to give you a break.

Sending so much love, it sounds absolutely awful for you.

@Wordsofthewise It looks like you might have postpartum depression and PTSD. Many people suffer from birth trauma and honeslty if you don't get it treated you could get much worse. I recommend going to your GP and letting them know they can prescibe antidepressants and also refer you to some therapy (don't recommend doing CBT, do EMDR or something Somatic- very helpful with trauma).

Also, do remember to look after yourself, you can't be a good mum, if you don't take time for yourself. Tey and get outside every day with or without your baby, get a coffee, go to the library (often have play areas) or a play cafe. Just something so you interact with other people. Then also try and do something for yourself, whether that be pilates or gym, or like art - something you know you enjoy just to feel more like you.