New young Mum

[NannyBigB]

My grand daughter (24) has her first baby in November. I am trying to find a good , practical and sensible guide to parenting for her. Probably newborn to toddler? She has been using the internet but I always worry where that content is coming from 🙄. Her partner works long hours, her Mum is not about and I think she thinks I am too old to know anything 😅So any recommendations for a simple practical book I can get her to keep by her side. Thank you all x

Not sure where you are based, but in Leeds the children’s centres run the Henry course. It is an 8 week course a bit like antenatal classes but from birth to 5 years, covering how to look after a child under 5. It does quite a bit on weaning. I haven’t done it but my friend did and said it was good. Do your children centres offer anything similar?

Mums get better and instant real life advice online.

Books can be outdated or make people feel they are doing something wrong.

Books are outdated and make people feel rubbish. Shes done just fine without one.

I appreciate there is a ton of good advice out there on Mr Google but I am always anxious as to where it is coming from. She has already been choosing things from TikTok posts which are totally unnecessary. I have taken note of advice and I thank you all for taking the time to respond to me. I am currently trying to get some information recommended to me from Scotland.

Could you give an example ( or a made up example ) or a thing she has chosen from TikTok? I’m not even quite sure what that might mean. She’s bought a product for baby but you think it isn’t needed? So what…? Is she struggling financially?

I bought myself a ‘everything you need to know about babies’ book as I wanted a single useful resource to go to if I came up against various unknowns. I thought google might make things more confused with a load of contradictory information and opinions presented as facts. However
1- I haven’t used it much and I’d forgotten that I had it
2- If someone had bought it for me randomly, especially my mum or nan, I’d probably read between the lines and see it as a passive aggressive “I don’t have faith in your abilities” sort of gift. And to be honest that is kind of how your post has come across.

I’m not sure on a guide book however I would recommend a book called matrescence by Lucy jones, it is a book on the transition from woman to motherhood and what the process of becoming a mother does to women’s sense of self and their brains. I think as a new mom we can doubt ourselves a lot and wonder if were the only ones who are feeling certain ways and this book is a massive sigh of relief :)

Simple parenting by Kim John Payne.
Hold onto your kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.
The awakened family by Shefali Tsabary.
Good Inside by Dr Becky Kennedy.

These are a few books I really loved. I also had my first at 24, 3 years ago. Most of these authors I found online and decided to give their books a try. Totally worth it it :)

Agree books are outdated and would she have time to sit and read a book?

In all honesty I would recommend the Peanut app or Mumsnet. That way like pp said its real instant advice.

I agree with the other that parenting books are a waste of time and money.

She can read aaaallll the baby books imaginable…..but the baby hasn’t read them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was given a book when my eldest was tiny, and it just really stressed me out because my baby wasn’t complying with any of the things the book said she should be. Not because there was something wrong with her, but because she was simply behaving in a biologically normal way for a newborn 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 And in my experience, those books completely overlook what’s normal, newborn behaviour and read more like dog training manuals.

All she needs to do is use the NHS website for the basic safety advice - safe sleep, safe bottle preparation, general medical things to be aware of etc, and other than that, I found the lived experience of other mums way more helpful (via mumsnet and other real-time online sources) than any book.

24 is young among my friends to have babies but 24 is a proper adult. I’m sure she will be fine and can find the information herself.

Someone bought my DH this book and I found it really helpful but the book will be over 10 years old now.

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/commando-dad-book-neil-sinclair-9781849532617?sku=GOR004601994&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19891791290&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAICzwt5ly5S6N4mR6qBEviK4x&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInfOGiN3VjgMVs5pQBh3F_hCOEAQYASABEgLy5PD_BwE

I had these two and they really helped me

https://amzn.eu/d/0CtysP2

amzn.eu/d/hDIv4X8

My mum gave me some very sage advice when DS was small, full of colic and not sleeping. I was sobbing and saying that 'the book says this and the book says that'.

Mum said "Crunchies, he's three months old, he can't read the book."

Someone on here said around the same time "no one will be as good as mum to your boy as you. Trust your judgement and take everyone else's with a bucket of salt.'

I've never forgotten either piece of advice. DS is now 17, 6ft 6, built like a garden shed and just finished his first year at college. So I did ok in the end.

She's finding her own way, so support her in the way she thinks is best for her.

I remember Your Baby Week by Week being quite useful to dip into in the early days when you need reassurance. Also loved Matrescence by Lucy Jones, as @germanshepforever mentioned, although I didn’t manage to read that until my DS was a bit older. Good inside by Dr Becky is great re toddler behaviour as are the Steve Biddulph books. I’m also a huge fan of Gabor Mate’s The myth of Normal but this isn’t strictly about parenting. It does talk a lot about child development and emotional wellbeing of mothers and babies.

I generally found mumsnet and chatting to my friends with kids more valuable than books though. Plus some instagram accounts which I stumbled across during those bleak 2am feeds. I would recommend some but I think your granddaughter will find the ones that suit her parenting style.

In terms of TikTok purchases, try not to judge too harshly. She’s excited about having a baby. I think we all buy loads of stuff for the first. Some things might come in handy, some things might go untouched. The best thing relatives can do for someone who is pregnant or post partum is to keep such judgements to themselves (unless it’s a safety issue) and just see what support you can offer. She’s about to go through a huge change. A few TikTok purchases that help her feel prepared aren’t the end of the world.

Second the recommendation for ‘your baby week by week’. This is the only book I’ve used and revisited it with my second baby too.

This thread has just reminded me that you used to get a NHS book think maybe at your booking in appointment. Do you still get those? It was Miriam Stopard book I read when expecting my first, wish I still had those books.

Thank you everyone for your replies, advice etc. Just to answer a couple of the posts.
My grandaughter is going to be a great Mum, I know that but she lacks self belief and I thought reading a good simple book might help. She is in a new area, very rural , no friends as yet, no family close by and I was trying to offer her something.
An example, if she got what she saw on TikTok she would have a very whizzy leather nursing chair that swivels and reclines (500 pounds) and a robot chef food processor to make baby food. Even if she did have that sort of money, one is not necessary and the other not necessary/far too early to be buying. That is jut 2 examples.
I have taken note of the helpful suggestions on reading material and will certainly be looking into that further.
Again, my thanks to everyone who took the time and trouble to offer me sound advice. I am looking forward to being a great grandmother

Family centres are good for new to parenting groups

I think the best suggestion would be that she looks at the PG section on MN.

Those are both silly purchases I agree. But no idea why you think buying a book will put her off wasting money on unnecessary other stuff. The more she reads, whether online or in a book is only going to suggest more and more things that are claimed to be essential.

She'll figure it out. And if she wants to waste her money that's up to her. She's clearly not short of it.

So it’s not that she’s taking unwise parenting advice from TikTok, she’s just buying things you think are unnecessary because she’s seen them advertised? In which case I’d let her at it. It’s not going to harm her baby, only her bank account.

I agree and you’d be lucky to find a new Mum who hasn’t bought at least one unnecessary item for the new baby.