What are some consequences you give to your child that actually work?

[TherapyAndChips]

I work with lots of parents who feel stuck when their child doesn’t listen, especially around behaviour like saying “no” or ignoring instructions. I'm a children's wellbeing practitioner and often talk with parents about natural consequences, but I’d love to hear from other parents about what consequences have actually worked for your child. Sometimes I find that consequences are either too severe which causes more of an argument/tantrum, or not severe enough so the child doesn't care when they have to face that consequence. Any advice would be really valuable!

These are not big changes, I'm talking about things such as brushing your teeth every morning or putting your shoes away, as long as they're age appropriate. It can also feel reassuring for a child when they know what is expected of them as well. And a small reward if these tasks have been achieved can act as an extra incentive. For ND children, any tasks should be made as simple as possible (we want the young person to achieve them!), and you're right, perhaps starting off with just a couple a day is more appropriate.

An interesting discussion
I think consistency and follow through is key. Rules need to be clear, reasonable and apply all the time whether it's convenient or not.
I see natural consequences as part of understanding social rules. You don't do as I ask and cause me upset. Next time you want me to do something for you I'll be reminding you of that and suggesting what you can do to make things right. If you left your shoes in the hall instead of putting them away then I can't find the sweets until you do. I find that saying how disappointed I am and walking away often means that the child will do the task as they don't then lose face. I don't get into arguments. I think constant low level irritation from an adult and comments like "Why do you never remember to...... are very damaging to a child. To me you are giving the message that you don't like that child very much.
I also think that it's important that when we ask a child to do something we believe they are going to do it. So many times I see parents ask a child to do something and I know by their body language and tone of voice that they know they are going to be ignored. If I can tell that then I'm sure the child can .
Shouting just upsets children and soon they tune out. A quiet tone tends to encourage them to listen.
Personally I'm not keen on reward charts. I've come across too many children who weaponise them or who think they deserve a reward for the slightest effort. I think we should be teaching children to be considerate of others and show them that life is better if we are.

Thanks for opening up this great discussion—such an important topic! As a parent myself, I've found that consistency and connection are key when it comes to consequences that actually work.
One consequence that’s worked well for my child is a "logical consequence" approach. For example, if they refuse to clean up their toys, the toys get put away for a day or two. It’s directly related to the behavior, and they understand the cause-and-effect without feeling shamed or overly punished.
I also try to pair consequences with calm conversation afterwards—asking them how they felt and what they could do differently next time. It helps them take ownership, and I’ve noticed fewer repeat behaviors.
Lastly, removing a privilege (like screen time) for a short period, with a clear explanation, seems to be effective—as long as I stay calm and consistent.

Both my children behave as in your first paragraph! I would say they're actually quite different personalities though and I fear the second has actually just learnt all this behaviour from the eldest. It's absolutely exhausting tbh and can be such a challenge just to stay calm with them with the constant boundary testing, nevermind actually get anything done!

Not only talking about consequences in the moment they're needed. We talk more widely about it and I find she's really receptive to that - so when there comes a times where there needs to be consequences we refer back to when we spoke about it already. We don't have a lot of rules and the ones that we do have are clear and the reasons we have them are clear. So for example she's not allowed her ipad in the mornings during the school holidays, and if she does take it in the morning, she then doesn't have it for the whole day. It's so established now that she accepts it, though it wasn't without a few bumps and one memorable tantrum.

Teeth is a funny one though as I don't think as a child you can really appreciate having a full set of good, healthy teeth. That's a really hit and miss approach for us.

It's also good to explain why something needs to happen, or not, rather than a blanket instruction. So for example, you need to brush your teeth so you don't get toothache, which hurts a lot. That drink on the side is hot, so don't touch it or it could burn and hurt you.

As an Audhd adult with 4 adult Nd kids, using choices and consequences plus the above worked well, and taught even my most impulsive child to stop and think. Even now, I need to know the why of something.