Can’t stop crying over my first born after having my second - 1 week old

[Motherof1and2dogs]

I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl last Saturday and I am in total awe of her, but the last 2 days, especially at night time I have been an emotional wreck over my son (first born), sobbing and last night I actually hyperventilated from crying so much, I even had my son in my bed last night just so I could be close enough to him (he will be 3 in September). I feel so guilty, he isn’t coping too well with the arrival of his sister, is playing up, becoming more difficult and more tantrums/ screaming and I just feel totally useless and guilty, I also feel useless, that I am doing it all wrong etc. And certain things are triggering me more to cry, my son absolutely loves Moana and our little routine before bed is we lay in my bed together, watch the start of Moana and sing along to the songs before he goes in his bed, I couldn’t do this last night with him as I was breast feeding my daughter and he ended up falling asleep before I had a chance to get into bed with him, and tonight he went out like a light so I didn’t even get the chance. Now I can’t even listen to Moana or even sing them in my head without crying!!!!

Please tell me this stage passes, I am just a wreck and the emotions are scaring me a little and I feel like I will feel this way forever!

This happened to me too.
Blubbed all over my mum about how guilty I felt. A few days later it had completely passed.

🤗it’s totally the hormones. But honestly I’d be massively relived your older one is self settling or settling for someone else so you can focus on baby. (In my case my older one just howled for me for hours which was quite off putting and definitely curtailed the poor baby’s breastfeeding somewhat). It’s an adjustment for everyone and of course he needs 1-1 mummy time too

I remember feeling awful that I was missing out on bedtimes and worried my DH would become my eldest’s go to parent. I needn’t have worried…. Eldest still loves me sitting beside him as he falls asleep (youngest less bothered, another reason for guilt). Your are in the middle of the most hormonal period, you just have to ride it out. I do think there is more guilt with having two (and both ways - I now feel guilty my youngest gets less one on one time than my eldest ever did) but it doesn’t emotionally impact you in the way it is now. You are right at the start of a beautiful relationship between the two.

You sound like an absolutely lovely mum for caring this much, and I think your son will feel this.

This stage will pass so quickly and before long you’ll get a routine going where you’re reassured that you’re covering both their needs.

I felt exactly the same OP, I remember it so well. I just felt so incredibly sorry for my firstborn, that her whole world had changed and she hadn’t asked for it etc etc. I also cried many tears over it. It passed in a couple of weeks and five years on, they have a lovely sibling bond and I can’t believe I ever felt that way, but it was very real at the time.

Your love for your babies is so intense that it’s hurting. You sound so deeply empathetic, so considerate of them both as people. I can’t add anything to the beautiful advice and stories others have shared, but just wanted to add to the voices cheering you on and saying it will be not just okay, but wonderful.

It will pass, dear 🙏💐 And somehow your heart will acomodate exponentially more love each day that passes and you see them grow together and watch their unique and exclusive relationship unfold.
You are not alone: we've all been there. I hope you find warm comfort in that thought.

Totally totally normal. I have one but a family member had her second just 1 year after her first and felt absolutely torn up with guilt that she wasn't with her fjrst baby as much and then guilty that she wasn't as in the moment with her second born. You also have post partum hormones that heighten everything. Seeing my relatives kids now 3 and 2, play together and cuddle, it's amazing. Inwas firstborn when my sister was born and I don't remember anything as I was 2 when she arrived, I remember the years if having a playmate that came after.

Think of the long term - short term pain, long term gain. Keep that mantra in your head when the sad thoughts threatened to flood!

Oh bless you OP. I felt exactly like this a few weeks ago (DS is 6weeks DD 18m). I promise you it gets easier as the weeks go on and I’m sure even more easier once they start properly interacting with each other but what you’re feeling is completely normal and just shows what a good loving and caring mum you are!! When my DD needs me but I’m BF DS for example, I would ask her to bring me her book so I could read it or a toy or just try and interact with her as much as I could by talking so I don’t need to move! If I’m not BF I try and get them to interact together I.e DS on his playmat with me next to him playing Lego with DD. DH normally puts DD to bed anyway even before DS however a few nights I wanted it to be our special time and I pumped so DH could feed DS if he got upset, I’m not sure what your situation is but if this is possible you could try to ensure you’re covered when you take him to bed? Please be kind to yourself your hormones are at their highest right now, wishing you all the best xx

I had a similar age gap with my two plus slightly older step children and I bought them all baby dolls so that mummy (me) had a baby to care for and so did they!

With the two boys I bought them cabbage patch dolls so they weren’t as ‘girly’!

I found that really helped.

Please just do moana as you breastfeed with your son. It’s about you all now.

OP you are in recovery time, even if this DC was your first now you'd probably be crying over something as your hormones, physical healing, exhaustion, lack of sleep etc are impacting your thoughts and feelings. My DC1 had me stressed for 6 months, DC2 for 6 weeks, I wondered if I'd had a third would it be less time.
Try to ride through the recovery waves and celebrate the small successes and don't worry if some of the waves are bad, it will settle.

AWW❤, please please believe that lots of us go through this and it is COMPLETELY normal. I've had 5, and every bloody time something gets me in the first two weeks, crying until I can't cry any more, every little thing setting me off over and over. The most ridiculous things in hindsight, but there is no reasoning with me. My husband said he would stay downstairs with my last baby (last bottle etc. so I could sort the other 4 and get an hour or two of sleep). Settled them quickly, but any chance of sleep - not a chance, I was back down within an hour sobbing with my heart breaking because of xyz (in this case because he was not with me - but that's by the by, it might as well have been anything). I always think there is something about 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months. See how you are doing at those milestones really, but yeah, those first two weeks, ooof , not great on the emotion front, but completely normal I'd say ! 😢xxxx

This was me last year. I can only describe it as grieving the life that was with my first, and knowing it would never be the same again. I still feel sad some days but not to the extent that I did back then. It was absolutely awful. My daughter was absolutely broken and we bed shared together until her brother came along. I missed her so much. And I couldn’t get any time with her. I just wanted to be with her constantly, and I didn’t feel like I knew this new baby who had arrived. It took a good few months for us, but we did get there in the end and my daughter has a much closer bond with hubbie now.

its just part of the journey that you’re on, that you need to ride the wave. If you can, once baby is a bit bigger and can go in the sling, see if hubbie can take baby out for a little nap, even if it’s just 20 minutes, so you can get some 121 time with your eldest. Those little moments really do add up. If you’re breastfeeding this will all be more amplified as all feeds will fall to you, but just remember why you’ve done it. You’ll get there….thinking of you and sending strength xxx and huge congratulations to you xx

These are hormones and tiredness