Lost it with DD9

[Holdonasec]

So tonight I was really struggling with being overwhelmed and overtired, I've ended up shouting at DD and being generally horrible to her. I asked to be left for a few minutes but she tried to follow me so shut her bedroom door not thinking that it would be dark and scary. She then was hysterical and I ended up shouting at her and calling her a stupid cow. I can't believe how angry and frustrated I got.

For context I have a 2 DC 9 and 1. 9 year old kept shouting through when I was trying to get the 1 year old to sleep. After repeating myself 4/5 times and having to leave 1 year old in cot screaming i lost it.

My DP works shift so im left doing bedtime routine on my own for weeks at a time and woth it being school holidays its days on end im on my own more or less.

We've spoken I've apologised and told her no one should treat her like that ever and its not what parents should be like. I have said when mummy asked for 2 mins to be on her own then she's feeling angry its so I can recoup my thoughts and deal with things better.

Im absolutely devastated thar I let it all get on top of me and ended up taking it out on her. I feel sick tbh.

Whilst it isn’t an ideal situation, you have apologised.

to be honest a 9 year old shouldn’t find it scary in their own bedroom and had been ignoring you for some time, both when you were asking for her to be quiet when getting the baby to sleep and when you asked for a few minutes to calm down.

you tried to do the right thing.

as I said, it wasn’t ideal, and I’m glad you apologised, but somewhere in this she too need to learn to listen to the feelings of others and respect their boundaries.

Parents are human too. It’s good for children to learn that there are boundaries and they should be respected.

You know it is not your finest hour. Now she knows that when you press buttons to get a reaction- maybe you’ll get a reaction.

Hopefully everyone can have a good nights sleep and tomorrow is another day.
I think the one thing you can do is decide how you are going to react the next time. There will be a next time (and very many of them!)

Why wouldn't she leave you alone when asked?

Tbh I don't see the harm in kids seeing us as human as well. You've apologised, don't over egg it though and let them see a chink of weakness to use against you. Tomorrow is a new day.

Thanks for your reply, I agree she has a habit if we dont reply she repeats and gets worked up, I did explain probably filled with frustraction that when she keeps shouting its waking her sister up and if she gave me time to get the baby to sleep i would come through.

She is a very young 9 year old and worries a lot. So shutting the door would have sent her in to overdrive.

Thanks for all the replies. As much as it doesn't make me feel any better, I think its made me think about how I can deal with things better in future. Parenting is so bloody hard and the school holidays aren't helping. She's out of routine and we are splitting annual leave to cover childcare. Yesterday was a boring day as we didn't do much so think a bit of cabin fever been stuck in each other's pockets hasn't helped. Im going to try get out somewhere today.