What happened to my lovely year old?

[Guitarcherry]

Edited / title meant to say two year old. She has gone from a sweet, loving polite child to hard work since she turned 3. We didn’t go through “terrible twos” so I guess this is a shock. The last few weeks she has become extremely demanding and sassy. Doesn’t want to listen. Wants to do everything her way. Has tantrums. She hit me earlier because she didn’t get her way.
im following through with consequences eg. We will leave the park if you do this again etc but it’s just something else the next day.

I try to reason with her, sometimes offer her choices when she doesn’t want to do something like a bath “you can have a bath now or in 5 mins, bath or shower” etc .

im just feeling exhausted, upset and feel I’m failing as a parent. She’s in tears because I took her home as she hit me in the face. I don’t recognise the sweet girl she was a few months ago. What am I doing wrong?

1-2 was my favourite age with DD, she was an absolute joy, and I wondered what all the 'terrible two' fuss was about.

3 has been bloody difficult. I could have written your post, we stuck to all the scripts, we are very firm with boundaries, don't take any nonsense.....but it's just relentless, and exhausting and feels like the consistency just isn't working.

She's just turned 4 and I do feel like she's starting to mellow out, although she's still does have some explosive moments it's more like twice a week now rather than every night.

What I would say is when it feels like it's never going to end, it will. DD went through an awful phase where when would just scream at the top of her lungs in our faces if we tried to talk to her. I honestly thought it would never end, and I just realised recently she's not done that in about 6 months. Same with hitting or lashing out.

It's so tough just keep doing what you're doing and it will calm down. They're still so tiny at that age, I think that because they can hold a conversation we expect more from them than they're capable of, their brains are just not developed and they can't be reasoned with!

Hang on there op!

The frightful frees are much worse than the terrible twos. It will pass.

Oh also with the bath and choices thing. If it's something that she has to do, then don't make the choice about the actual bath. The bath is a given and the choice is related to it.

'its bath time, do you want to turn the tap or shall I?' 'the bath is full, do you want to pour the bubbles in, or swoosh the water?'

(I hope that makes sense!)

Three was the hardest age with my DD. 4 was a lot easier and 5 has been my favourite yet. Hang in there!

3 was the hardest age with both of mine. Stick to your guns- if she hits you (or anyone) home you go. Tell her clearly what behaviour you expect when you go somewhere/do an activity, give a warning if she starts to behave badly, and take her home if she continues. Stay calm. If you accept this is how many DC are at 3, and it will pass, you will cope better than if you are worried about whether something is terribly wrong. Consistency matters - she needs to learn to control her behaviour, and most children do.

My DN was very aggressive at 2 - constantly grabbing anything he could find to hit his DM with. He is now the kindest, most gentle young man you can imagine.

Thank you everyone, I’ll persevere and it’s reassuring to know it’s not just my child!!!

You have yourself a threenager I’m afraid! My twins were the same… they are generally lovely now aged 5, but still definitely have thier sassy moments.
thier 6yr old brother is a dream however.

There's a reason 3 year olds are referred to as 'three-nagers' 🤣 Both of mine were harder at 3 than 2.They are finding their own autonomy, exploring boundaries and realising they can say 'no' and stick to it!

I think 4 is easier although starting school can interrupt things abit for some children who struggle with that.
And for our firstborn she had a new baby sibling a month after that aswell and it was covid so wasn't the easiest time!
I'm hoping our 3yo will be a calmer 4yo!

Sending sympathy.

Most children go through a challenging phase. I think it's better if they do it earlier, but it's not like you get to choose!

My eldest and one of my boys were difficult 2 year old but then go easier rather quickly when they hit 3. My other DS.... well he was sooooo easy at 2. 3 and 4..... nope, bit of a nightmare if I'm honest!

Hang in there. Persevere. Try to remember (as I am currently reminding myself FREQUENTLY with my youngest who is just entering the difficult part of being a toddler) that they don't enjoy their tantrums either. Nobody likes to be miserable and out of control.

You’re not doing anything wrong. I’ve got three kids, my youngest is 3.5 so I’m going through this now with him. Just yesterday he screamed full volume, stamped his feet and punched his legs because his 5yo brother touched his toy.

My eldest and youngest were easier at 2, they definitely were more difficult age 3. My eldest outgrew a lot of it by 4.5, I’m obviously yet to see how it goes with my youngest!

My middle son I actually found easier at age 3, but he was a high needs baby who screamed all the time who turned into a high needs toddler who screamed the vast majority of the time. At 3 there came a welcome reduction in screaming for him! He’s my outlier though.

It’s normal. Draining, frustrating and exhausting and normal. Persistence and consistency are key. It may not feel like anythings working now, but the penny will drop eventually. Look after yourself as well. If you can get any breaks (e.g. child free evening out, day off work whilst she’s at nursery) then do it, it’s good to have even a few hours of “I’m not mum right now, I’m just me”.

You’re not doing anything wrong - they call it the terrible twos but the threenager is very much a thing as well. Some kids hit the toddler tantrums later on. I found it helpful to practise some gentle parenting techniques (sitting near them (though out of reach for kicking!) stating calmly that I was there for them, that I understood it was hard and they had big feelings etc). Made absolutely zero difference to their behaviour but made me feel a bit better that I was doing something. Eventually they would come for a cuddle after a minute or so of screaming and it got better from there. Hold on in there.

Three was the worst age with my DS. Until he hit 14, that was perry bad too!