My 5 year old daughter calls me and herself fat

[KarenIsMyRealName]

I'm an overweight 31 year old woman who's married to a thin 31 year old man. My daughter 5 year old daughter started calling me and herself fat. She's just "a little chubby" for a 5 year old girl. She's not dangerously overweight.
She's happy while calling me and herself that. When I ask my husband, he said he has been trying to to de-stigmatize the word fat to her. He said he wants he her grow up feeling happy and confident.
I'm not sure about this strategy but maybe I'm just too emotionally about the word fat. What do you think ?

Why is your husband calling both you and her fat?

I’m not sure that is ‘destigmatising’ rather ‘drawing attention to’.

I would ignore it and brush it off but start seriously changing my daughters diet and exercise routine. A bit overweight at 5 tends to lead to very overweight by 18. Nothing more important for a parent than to try and keep a child healthy (and happy). I wouldn't tell her you would changing anything but just do.

He said he never called me fat. He told our daughter that she's fat and beautiful. He refers to me as beautiful when describing to our daughter how he feels about my look.

I think that is an extremely strange thing to tell your five year old daughter.

Preface: i was a chubby / overweight child

This should be a wake up call.

Whats your DDs BMI? And what centiles is she? because rather than addressing it you seem to want reassurance its all fine.
It's not.

And did you yourself grow up fat or were you a healthy weight as a child?

I was a fat child who my parents would say was "tall and broad" it overshadowed my entire childhood and defined me teen years. It set me up for a lifetime of food struggles.

You control what she eats, wake up and sort it out now.

Your dhs attitude is bizarre. All we talk about in our house in being healthy and strong

I have my own opinions on why I think it's strange. I'm asking this to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think it's strange ?

I'm trying to see if I can make sure she stays at a healthier weight while also not causing an insecurity.

Address your weight issues, that your child is already chubby at 5 and your dh is insensitive twit.

Is he worried she’s overweight? That’s what chubby means. She’s not a healthy weight for her height if she’s visibly fat and that’s worth more consideration than what you call it.

Why would you allow your daughter to become 'a little chubby' for her age? I would get on that pronto.

Wow, calling your daughter fat??? That’s a sure way to lead to eating issues in the future.

if your daughter is overweight, you need to be doing something about this now.

What do you mean about causing an insecurity? At 5 you’re in control of what and how much she eats and how much exercise she gets.

The way my mom had talked about my weight as a kid still have a negative effect on me.

I want to make sure I do better with my daughter.

I'm addressing it with our pediatrician.

I think it's odd that he's felt the need to call his own child fat. There are so many other descriptors.

But I'd think it would be confusing for her that he calls her "fat and beautiful" but you are just "beautiful", given you described yourself as overweight so are probably more visibly fat than she is if she's just "a bit chubby".

He knows I would be angry if he called me fat

I am sure his actions are coming from a good place, however, the reality is, if she goes out into the world happily calling people who are overweight ‘fat’ she will not get a good reaction. This in itself is a good reason for your DH to change his approach.

True. It's just setting up our daughter to get herself in trouble.

Are you angry that he's calling your daughter fat too?

Realistically if he considers her fat then he must also feel the same way about you.

It's a bizarre approach and I don't think it'll achieve what he thinks it will.

He might be trying to install the whole 'big is beautiful' crap into your child but the reality is big is unhealthy. He might find you beautiful (I am sure you are) and you are an adult and are therefore responsible for your own health and the consequences of being overweight. But there is no excuse for a 5 year old to be 'chubby' or any other words you want to dress it up with. At 5 you should be able to see her ribs when she raises her arms over her head. Fat children become fat adults, and miss out on so many opportunities in childhood.

I can see why your DH might try to de stigmatise the word; perhaps he’s worried other kids might call her fat and he’s preemptively trying to make it positive? Or at least not negative? Unfortunately you can’t change the world and most people do associate the word fat with negativity. He’d be better off helping her locate her self esteem in places other than her appearance.

Then stop her being fat problem solved. At this age you control her diet - make good choices for her it’ll only get harder

Tricky as he obv reliesed that his daughter is overweight /chubby /fat

As are you

whatever you want to call it , if noticeable at 5 needs to be sorted out as she will be a lot overweight at 8 and more at 10/11

it’s not nice for the child - may be teased at school - kids notice bigger kids. They don’t meant to be horrible but speak the truth when says abc is fat

we have 3 larger children in our class. All started in reception a little chubbier then average

all 3 are now obviously overweight at 7/8 in year 3 and sure by the time they leave year 6 be a lot bigger

the 3 mums are all overweight as well

so you @KarenIsMyRealName need to start healthier foods and more exercise to reduce both you and her

Because it’s a mean, nasty and frankly, psychotic thing to say to a 5 year old. Is he trying to give her an eating disorder. Is he abusive?

I agree with this.

I'll also add my own advice: you won't find many sympathies regarding weight issues at MN. People are incredibly ignorant and rude with fat/overweight/obese/big people. Seriously: look for healthy advice with a counsellor and nutritionist who can guide you to the root of the issue, and get away from the internet.
Good luck 💐