Positive motherhood stories needed please!

[MiaRosexo]

Hey everyone…

Not sure if I’m being irrational but me and my partner will be TTC soon and I can’t help but feel like social media is riddled with negative stories about becoming parents at the moment… does anyone else feel like this? We’re in our late twenties, have our own house with a mortgage, stable jobs… Of course I understand parenting looks like the hardest job in the world and I’m not naive to that but the content I’m seeing is genuinely making me reconsider and I don’t know if that’s silly! I’m seeing so many people say they genuinely regret becoming a parent, advising others not to do it and if they could turn back time they would never have done it, for a variety of factors such as - childcare costs, losing yourself, careers, relationships breaking down, lack of village etc!

Basically I just want to be flooded with positive motherhood stories as I was so excited for this but this constant negativity is making me anxious!

I love it! Loads more positives than negatives. It's like living in a science / social experiment watching tiny humans grow and make sense of the world! It's really quite fascinating! It's also just such an amazing feeling to be their 'world' (for a bit at least!).

I personally wouldn't describe it as 'hard' (although there are hard bits!), I think for me the word 'constant' describes it better and that can sometimes feel overwhelming. But if you've got a supportive partner and if you're lucky enough to have some family support, that allows for time to reconnect with yourself and your own interests / enjoyments and that's helps hugely.

Motherhood is wonderful as long as you go back to basics and ignore social media. Forget about being the “perfect” parent (there’s no such thing), just be firm but fair. Your job is to provide a firm foundation for growth and strong values. It’s a hell of a ride but very fulfilling. Good luck!

Honestly, without being dramatic, the last few years have been hit after hit in my life with death, cancer etc. and if I didn’t have my little girl, I’d have killed myself.
She has, unknowingly, gotten me through the darkest times in my life.
She is just pure joy, love, dancing, singing.
I was a single Mum for the first 6 years of her life, we had to move house 5 times to find our forever home, it was so hard. I’ve worked full-time since she was 10 months old. I honestly don’t know how I made it work but it was all for her and her future.
For me, I have actively worked on my parenting, researched so much over the years and it’s all helped me be a better Mum.
I have some colleagues who have kids who hate it because they struggle to find babysitters so they can go to the pub. I honestly have one colleague who complained they couldn’t afford cocaine “this weekend” because their kid had a school trip.
It’s about who you are as a person, who you want your children to be, how hard you’re willing to try.
It’s the hardest, most full-time job I’ve ever had but my daughter has made it all worthwhile.
Second baby is due any day now and I can’t wait to do it all again.

It’s hard work but it’s amazing. Seeing my two in the paddling pool together yesterday melted
my heart in a way nothing in the world
ever has. I don’t miss my busy pre baby life 99% of the time - restaurants, theatre, long haul etc. we do do ‘old us’ things occasionally (when we have childcare) , but life is different - busier but slower… more full in every sense.

I feel like the luckiest girl when I’m walking along and my daughter says ‘mammy hold
hands’ Or ‘I love you mam’.

Thank you OP, I’m in a similar boat to you and loved reading these ❤️

It’s been the best thing I have ever done, the most beautiful and meaningful experience of my life so far. My youngest starts school in September, and this feels like a symbolic end to the best 7 years at home with my babies. Such a cliche but it flies by, I knew it would, but it’s gone even faster than I could have imagined. Enjoy your journey OP, good luck 😊

It’s the best thing in the world (and hardest) but I have a great DH and family for support so that makes a huge difference. I think your babies Dad plays a huge part on how enjoyable parenting is. DH has never ever skipped a shift on his role as Dad. We have our own business and he works long hours but he loves spending time with her, reading, playing, bathing, making her meals, baking cupcakes etc. it’s made me love him even more seeing him be the fantastic father he is.

Newborn stage was a dream for me as DD loved sleep, I wish I could bottle up the newborn smell, it’s heavenly. Then they begin to interact more, then crawl (not all babies crawl but mine did) then walking and they suddenly seem so big. My DD is 2 now and I can literally have a full conversation with her, her speech is excellent, she’s kind and funny, loving and fun. Yes, she also has tantrums like normal 2 year olds.

I’m 31 weeks pregnant now with our 2nd and last baby and I can’t wait to do it all again.

I won’t sugarcoat it and say it’s a breeze because it’s not but for me, it’s so worth it. I love being a Mum.

I love being a parent - nothing compares to it.

’Constant’ is a great word for it - it is all consuming, exhausting and never ending. All your old priorities will go out of the window and your focus will shift entirely. You will regain your life as you know it now, but it’ll take longer than you think! But I have genuinely loved every minute and wouldn’t swap it for anything.

Only decide to do it if you want to do it well - for your sake and your child’s.

I'm a miserable pessamistic type but it is the best thing I've ever done. Mine are teenagers and I'd do it all again exactly the same.

They're perfect, a mixture of all the people I've loved (DD has exactly the same smile as my Grandma and I thought I'd never see it again). I cannot believe I love something so much. They give my life meaning and purpose and that's worth a few sleepless nights and A LOT of washing.

Yes, parenting is a hard job, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. My two are 18 and 11, and the time flies so quickly. You have highs and lows: tantrums, hugs, fun days out (or at home), chaos at times.

Like a PP, I’m also a single parent but I think I’m a better person because of my kids. They’re amazing. Don’t get me wrong, they can misbehave and I lay the law down, but we are a fab team and do loads together.

I’m not one for nights out and rarely drink etc (haven’t been since I was a teenager) so that sort of thing isn’t an issue for me. I love the pics they used to draw me, and the things they made for me; the cool performances they were part of; when they’d run to me at the end of school or nursery and tell me about their days etc.

And now, the trips we do together, the times we share, the conversations we have and when they’d bring their mates back and know that our home is a safe happy place. We’ve just come back from a weekend camping at a festival, and this week we are going to ABBA Voyage.

I've loved it so much more than I thought I would. Absolutely there are moments when I've thought, 'I can't do this' like when we were all down with norovirius when I had a three week old or when my eldest was going through the worst sleep regression. I've also had moments seeing my childless friends go to new york on a whim when I can't go to tesco without forethought lol. I'm glad there is social media backlash to 'you can only be fulfilled with kids' and an openness about the hard times because there will be hard times and it's great to know you're not alone or failing.

That said... They have brought me more happiness than I thought possible. It's the quiet moments of all being cuddled up where I feel total peace and contentment. Seeing their personalities come out little by little is awe-inspiring. I genuinely can't believe my luck I get to know and love the two best boys in the whole world. (They are factually the best humans to ever exist even though one can barely hold his own head up and the other is crying because his requested plain toast isnt rainbow...)

This is all AMAZING!!! Thank you SO much! This is exactly what I needed to hear. What lovely stories!! We need more positivity like this in the world as becoming a new mum seems daunting enough!! X

We’ve been through so much as a family to have dc but when I wake up I’m so excited to see their faces everyday.

I adore being a mum, it just feels right to me. I wanted to be a mum since a little girl, and had my first at 21 and she changed my life in ways you can’t describe unless you’ve known the love of a child. I adore my kids beyond life itself, I couldn’t imagine a life without them

that said there is more “negativity” because as an experience it’s indescribable really, motherhood can be relentless. It’s changed me in ways I didn’t expect, I know you wanted positivity but I feel like a shell of myself sometimes, you can go into it with all the positivity in the world but when you’re sobbing on the floor from exhaustion, your personality has changed beyond your own understanding, depression and anxiety is constant… just yeah

I’ve got a propensity towards big emotions anyway and exploring them so I don’t see that as negative as such, it’s just part and parcel of motherhood, that’s part of the sacrifice we take on. I don’t see it as negative it’s actually beautiful to me. I love experiencing this side of life, I love the lows and the highs, you find strength you never knew you had. I don’t know if this helps!

We must have very different social media because all I see is how magical and wonderful and perfect it all is and it pisses me off.

The reality is somewhere in the middle. Daily life with a baby is a bit of a grind.

Do I love my child? Yes. Does he bring joy? Yes. Is he the cutest little boy there ever was? Yes. Is the feeling of his little hand on my face the best thing in the world? Yes.

But have I lost most of my freedom and ability to do anything selfish? Yes. Are babies relentless and boring and stressful? Yes. Do I worry about him constantly? Yes.

It's a roller coaster!

I completely agree that social media seems covered in snide, sarcastic posts disguised as jokes about "secretly" hating your children. I hate it.

I absolutely adore being mother to my son, though! I was a nanny for 10yrs and just before I gave birth I had a wobble about how I'd signed up to do my day job every hour of every day for the rest of my life.

But in reality, it's everything I loved about my job and SO MUCH MORE! I mean, sure, I'm more exhausted than I've ever been but I'm so much healthier, both physically and mentally, and so, so much happier.

I love the way my son's face lights up when he sees me.
I love cuddling him while he sleeps.
I love his tiny voice.
I love watching him learn and grow.
I love his company.
I love choosing toys and clothes and duvet covers etc that he'll like.
I love him immeasurably.
I love being loved by him.

Fun thing I did whilst pregnant and with young kids...every time someone moaned unsolicitedly, or told me a 'just you wait' story about how awful it was going to be I asked them to counter it with two nice stories. And then watched them light up as they told me so many good bits about giggles, cuddles, watching them learn, the random chats, the new friends they've made, the amazing days out they've had or how their house feels more like a home now and it's lovely just to be home together and that's enough.

So don't just ask randoms on the internet, though these stories are wonderful, ask people in real life too and watch them glow as they tell you all the lovely bits. You won't regret it I promise xx

I wouldn't say it was hard, it's bloody exhausting, can at times be monotonous and all consuming and yes I have fully lost myself in motherhood but honestly I don't mind at all. I feel truly blessed that I have two little people that think I am their whole world and who rely on me for everything. Being a mother is the most amazing and rewarding thing I have ever done.
i think a lot of the time you see the negative stuff because people like to offload and have a moan, that doesn't mean that a lot of the time it isn't wonderful.
someone once told me that parenting doesn't get easier it just gets different, there's challenges at every point but there's also been highlights at every stage too. My eldest is almost 6 and is my little best friend, now that she's that bit older we go on cinema dates and for lunch, she loves nothing more than chilling with me once I've put her little sister to bed and having some girly time.
the good definitely outweighs the bad when it comes to parenting, well it has for me anyway.

It has given me the best and worst days of my life.
I did have the a really bad set of circumstances in my daughters first year...I'd advise against having a baby in a pandemic! I thought I would never find joy in motherhood but 4 years on I'm getting ready to do it all over again!
I would say my experience in the first year was far from typical but I would say it's quite common to have chunks of time during that first year where it feels relentless and you wonder what you have done the days are long but the weeks fly by and before you know it you have a mini person blossoming in front of you. I'm have loved having a 2, 3, 4 year old. Parenting is a long game and can be immensely rewarding and pleasurable.

I've spent the last 6 months being a stay at home parent. Having been very career focussed previously I didn't know who I would cope but I'm finding much more rewarding and joyful than I would ever imagined. I do still want to get back to my career in due course but happy right now

I bloody love it. Before I had my first, I actually didn’t particularly mind either way whether I had kids or not so we were late to get started and my only regret is that I didn’t start sooner.

I do find parts of it hard, although not everybody does, but even on my hardest day or night, I wouldn’t change it.

Everybody is different, but I think social media has made it harder because every time you’re hit with this beautifully curated view of motherhood and it’s not like that at all. I think some key things are to remember that there’s not one right way and wrong way of doing things - every family is just figuring out a way that works for them, have pretty low standards and don’t put loads of pressure on yourself and remember if you’re having a hard time, it’s probably the baby not you. They’re born with their own little personalities and some of them can be trickier than others.

I was about to type out all the things I love about motherhood, then realised it makes me sound like an absolute narcissist because it mostly centred around how much kids love you unconditionally and how lovely it is when they wrap their chubby arms around your next, but it is pretty awesome.

Very hard work especially with my oldest but.. I wouldn’t have gone to my dad’s funeral if it wasn’t for my little boy to hold me throughout..

When people tell you the hard stuff and how negatively being a mother not a parent or dad but a mother is they aren't lying to you, so of course listen to these lovely stories but realistically its a gamble, you won't know if you enjoy it until you have a baby here in your arms.

Things that help make it easier are money, a support network close by and a partner that actively parents and does his half without resentment.

It’s hard, and I never thought of myself as being a hugely maternal type before having kids, but honestly they’re so much fun. A pain in the arse at times but there is so much joy and love and laughter in my life because of them. Some people do regret it, but I’d say that’s got to be very unusual and is probably amplified right now with the weird trend that seems to be belittling motherhood. And it does seem to be motherhood rather than parenthood that’s gone out of fashion.

Also all the things people cite as bad thing, I’ve found that after I had a kid, I didn’t care about so much.

So losing my social life would’ve been my idea of hell pre-kids and but actually I haven’t lost it, I just don’t want to farm them out every weekend so I’m pickier about what I go to.

I spent a bloody fortune avoiding stretch marks when I was pregnant, got them anyway and now I can’t remember the last time I even gave a shit about them.

It changes your relationship, well it does. My relationship is a lot less frivolous than it used to be but equally I see a while different side to dh now and I feel connected to him in a different way now.

I love being a mum AND I find it very stressful.

Everyone will experience it differently. Much of it can depend on how you were raised yourself, how supported you feel by partner/family/friends etc.

There is a lot of social media content out there about how difficult it is to be a parent, but honestly I think most of it seems to serve the purpose of providing solidarity for the difficult bits. Because often we don't get that sort of insight into other parents' lives, and we can make the mistake of assuming that everyone else has their shit together and it's only us who is struggling. It can actually be helpful sometimes, in practice.