Feeling horrendous at what I just did

[terriblemotheroftheyear]

DD4 was still awake at 11pm, messing about in her room. I’m exhausted. We have a complicated day tomorrow.

I went in to try to get her into bed. She pushed a book at me, which hit my foot. I just lost it, picked up the book and threw it across the room. DD burst into tears. I think I really scared her. I feel like the worst mother in the world. I gave her a big cuddle and said I was sorry and I was very wrong to do it. That I shouldn’t have done it. I’m irrationally worried at the impact it could have on her and how she feels about me. And I’m shocked at my loss of control.

I feel like a monster.

Hi OP cut yourself some slack.I’m sure you’re not a terrible mother just exhausted.
You admitted you shouldn’t have done it and apologised immediately.

Your last line reminded me of a book my girls used to love. It’s been around a long time. Maybe get a copy to share.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Mum-Turned-Into-Monster/dp/0006645194/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=156447078370&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.RucSofpJ6NZV6Yqb9O-gXmuGHdjKNjRln3APDvjPYJHGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.wvhjfJBt46sLv51BfC7r9E6Ok_onHvQIE4miAfNvuQA&dib_tag=se&gad_source=1&hvadid=697076673344&hvdev=m&hvexpln=70&hvlocphy=9195089&hvnetw=g&hvocijid=2097399196309262775--&hvqmt=e&hvrand=2097399196309262775&hvtargid=kwd-300825129104&hydadcr=17291_2154989&keywords=when+mum+turned+into+a+monster&mcid=b3135c1e9f7b354baddd0ee945cb3e53&qid=1752531637&sr=8-1

Had this kind of a night with DS last night.
He just kept going… I was so bloody tired.
Felt terrible being mad at him. I’m the calm one.
But, you’re only human OP. She’ll be fine!

Wont do her any harm.

It won’t have had any impact on her at all. Other than she’s maybe learnt that you are human and that if you fuck about, sometimes you’ll find out. Which is not a bad life lesson to learn. You apologised as you overreacted so you told her that your reaction wasn’t ok, and modelled how to behave if you she overreacts herself which she will do as she is also human. Give yourself a break. You are not a robot.

We’ve all been there. Don’t worry at all, she needs to understand we’re all fallible and the important thing is we apologise when wrong, which you did. No harm done! :)

Are bedtimes often this bad? What have you tried so far to improve them?

We've all been there, pushed to our limits and beyond by small children testing the boundaries.

It won't have done her any harm at all and might even have taught her the lesson she clearly needed to learn - that if she pushes too hard then you are fallible and there are consequences. You apologised straight away, so that can be the end of it.

I used to have the Samuel L Jackson reading of Go the Fuck to Sleep ‘playing’ in my head each night at that stage. I knew it by heart and silently in my head I’d say it along with him. On repeat in a loop. Always made me feel so much better and the kids never knew what was going on in my head😁.