I struggle with feeding my baby solids

[Narnamamma]

So, I have a 9 1/2 month old little man and we or more so I struggle with the whole solid food thing. He still has 4 7oz bottles a day spaced out about 4 hrs apart. In all other aspects he’s amazing, crawling using the furniture to pull himself up on and scoot along. He’s so active and a very vocal cheeky little boy. When we started solids, we tried purées and fruits in the dummy style thing. He’s tried a bit of toast and was doing really well with pouches. I started to get really bad anxiety about him choking. He did gag a lot on his food and had choked once. There was a point that it was 4 times in 1 week. Ovcourse he didn’t want to eat after that. A health visitor told me it was totally normal and almost lectured me about pouch feeding him. I know baby led weening is the method now but the whole thing terrifies me. It’s just me and him for weeks on end (his dad travels) and I don’t have any grandparents to look too for support. When I expressed my anxiety with the HV she basically just told me to get over it and it would slow his development. Like pincer skills (which he has for sure!)
any way long way to say, I really want to try him with food that’s not pouches but a) how do I do that that isn’t going to give me an heart attack b) what’s best to start with.
i feel like I’m not doing a great job when I give him pouches cause well you see these videos of people who give there babies full plates of food that’s looks amazing.
also to note when he gagged on his food, I went back to just smooth purée as at the time he was on the chunkier mashed pouches and we are now back to the chunkier food which he gets so excited to eat.
help!

What you think was choking was more likely gagging. There are videos on YouTube that talk you through the difference and what to look out for. You could check in your area for infant first aid classes if that helps put your mind at ease too.

You don’t have to stick to baby led weaning. There’s no harm in puréeing the food for him. I used a stick blender so that I could purée things sometimes and I could control how smooth or chunky it was. If I made a bolognese for example I would cook it without salt and use the stick blender to purée his portion up a bit and over time I would gradually make it chunkier until he was eating the same as us. I did a mix of puréeing some things and giving him whole foods.

I also used the Solid Starts app to guide me on how to prepare and chop food to minimise choking risk. I would never have thought about crusty or toasted bread being better than soft bread when they’re young for example.

First thing I would suggest is do a baby first aid course - if you haven't already.

Some babies do just have a strong gag reflex and it can be really disconcerting! I used to work in childcare and one of the babies I looked after was like that. I'd always been very relaxed about weaning but he stressed me out!

Gagging and choking are different though - I used to repeat that to myself like a mantra.

You can't really avoid giving him solid food, just make sure he's always sat up in a proper chair/highchair and supervised closely. He will be fine! Can you start by making your own food and blending it to the same level of lumpiness as the pouches he's on now?

Could you freeze some yoghurt into lollipops so you get used to him holding and eating something solid but safe and then ease into other finger foods?

Giving him solid pieces of food will actually help him reduce the gagging (but not necessarily immediately). When he picks up a finger of toast, or a piece of pasta, or a steamed carrot stick, he immediately knows this is different from a smooth purée and has to be eaten differently. Lumpy purées are often trickier in this regard as part of it looks and feels in the mouth like smooth purée that can be swallowed straight down – but, surprise, there's lumps that can't.

Eating is actually really quite complicated. He has to learn to take a bite (the right size!), move the food in his mouth to chew it (the right amount!), and then move it again to swallow it. Solid pieces of food help him develop all these skills and mentally 'map' his mouth, this is where the food goes for chewing, this for swallowing – he can't get them all from purées and mashed foods.

The website Solid Starts is really good for showing how to prepare different foods for different stages of weaning. I think foods like crispy breadsticks, thin crackers, and thin, steamed slices of apple or pear can be good to start with if you're worried because they break down pretty easily in the mouth.

What you could do is get Gill Rapley's book 'Baby-Led Weaning' and read it - you don't have to actually do BLW if you don't want to, but she goes through all the physical development stuff in quite a lot of detail and explains what's safe and what isn't - and more importantly why - and that might give you more confidence when you are feeding your baby. We also did a baby first aid course which made us confident that we would know what to do if our baby actually did choke.

thank you for the replies and advice.
I have done baby first aid, and I could tell the difference between gag and choke the whole red in the face and no sounds coming from him.which was terrifying, but it was mostly gaging and vomiting from it, bless him. But I get what you mean they look so similar and are equally as scary. He did seem to have a high gag reflex as it affected him also when he went to his swimming lesson. He seems to be better with his. He does have things like melty crisps which he gets upset when it’s gone aha. It’s crazy, I thought I’d be anxious about everything else but I’m not and this is just the one thing that gets to me.

You can give him thin slices of apple, peas, sweetcorn, steamed carrot, halved ripe strawberries - things that will "mush" in his fingers - or things he really won't be able to bite any off (celery!) but can hold and gum/chew a bit. Let him practice with real food when you can.

We did first aid too but (and it’s not for everyone I know) the one thing that made me relax a bit was buying a life vac. It’s in the box on top of the fridge by where he eats and it’s just given me that bit more reassurance should the worst happen. My little one is 13 months now and I’m amazed by what he’ll tackle, and the older he’s got the better he’s got at taking small bites and taking things back out of his mouth himself when he realises he’s got a bite that’s a bit big. You’ll get there OP!

My second gagged on everything for ages, she barely ate any solid food until she was 1 because she would just gag so hard she’d vomit it back up. She then survived on buttered toast and weetabix for the next couple of months before just getting over it and now demolishes everything in sight at age 2. Hang in there and keep persevering with proper food. He needs to learn how to handle all different textures which will stop the gagging in time.

What I'm hearing is that you think there are two approaches - home made baby led weaning where they're given big pieces of foods to eat themselves, or buying lots of premade food from the supermarket (pouches, melty sticks)

The reason your health visitor told you to reduce pouches is because they're often really high in sugar. That doesn't mean you have to jump straight to feeding him whole food if you don't feel ready.

Try making him some mashes or purees at home. My baby loves mashed peas - just boil some peas till they're fairly soft then puree them with a stick blender or a food processor.

Or you could make some spaghetti bolognese, mash his portion well and serve it with those tiny pasta stars they sell for putting in soup, or some orzo

There are lots of soft foods you can be serving him that don't come from a pouch

Good advice here. Pretty much what I did and gradually reduced the amount I was mashing it to build up to bigger pieces.

I'd get rid of the pouches. They are generally poor quality and have you tasted them?

I'd offer soft eggy soldiers, small sticks of apple, pear, banana or water melon, half satsuma segments, thin pieces of mild cheese. Pea or broad bean purees etc.

Let him taste & play. He's still having plenty of milk so doesn't need to rely on solids for much nutrition

Please don't follow this advice, absolute nonsense to start a baby who's only had purees on raw apple!

Op, look up Solid Starts, either the website or download the app. The NHS recommends it too and I found it extremely helpful as I am more anxious the second time around. I was quite relaxed with my first and done BLW from the start but this time started with purees, then lumpy things and now fully solid meals since turning 8 months.

If you are already doing melty puffs try them dipped in mashed avocado mixed with evo for some healthy fats, hummus or greek yogurt. Let the baby self feed and start from there. Banana is also brilliant as it separates naturally in 3 and is a great size for baby to hold and self feed. A mango pit with most of the flesh off is also good for oral mapping but be prepared for washing it 100x times as it's so slippery.

Whatever you do, please don't give baby peas unless they're smashed, corn, raw apple or celery (very dangerous if the baby already has teeth and can take a bite).

I don't understand why you're not cooking? Even if you do mash it up, it's much better than pouches. They are full of sugar and do not contain the right amount of iron and other nutrients.

How about:

• mashed potatoes and roast salmon. Flake the bits of salmon into the mash so he still has to chew them
• bolognese pasta - chop the pasta small
• risotto - mine loves risotto
• tuna pasta- use orzo pasta and mix with tuna and tomato sauce

i appreciate what your saying here. I have a bad relationship with food myself and typically only eat once he’s in bed at night. It’s something I’m working on. I can cook it’s not an inability to cook, it’s purely just a bad habit I’d gotten myself into.
as for cooking for him, this is why I was asking the question of what is best for him that won’t kick off my anxiety.

I got the impression the health visitor believed he was just on smooth purées, which at the time of it he was on mashed food. it felt like she was making it like BLW was the only correct way to go at the time and the idea of giving him finger foods just made me feel so scared.

Gagging is normal and they need to do it to learn , I would agree ouches aren’t great nutrition but use they are very watered down . Why not steam some veg and puree instead ? I get being worried about choking we bought a life vac and it’s a great having it just as reassurance. Mine is 13 months and still not a great eater I cut say her toast into tiny squares because she can’t seem to manage finger size strips yet she’s only two teeth. I boiled potatoe and veg and mashed In cheese and used egg and bread crumbs to make croquettes so it’s still soft but she can’t seem pick them up and eat them herself. It’s all a learning curve I would t worry about the bottles mine is still on 4 bottles , they shouldn’t be dripping them before 1 anyway . Also try health high fat foods like full fat greek yogurt I mix peanut butter in and it’s my little ones favourite another favourite is orzo and I make sauce from passatta and blend the veg into it

It's ok, baby led weaning definitely isn't the only way to do it

At nine months it might be a good idea to start offering some finger foods when you feel ready bit they can be soft things. A big chunk of brocoli steamed until it's really soft? Or a big piece of very ripe pear?

Solid starts is great for telling you how to prepare finger foods safely, once you feel ready to start offering them to him

But until you feel ready to offer finger foods, you need to move away from pouches and try to make him soft food. You say you're making food for yourself once he's in bed. I do the same for myself. What I did when my baby was younger was make an extra portion the night before and mash it or blend it to give it to baby the next day. He can eat all the same foods you eat, just without added salt and sugar, and he can't have honey (this assumes you've introduced allergens and he's not showing any signs of allergic reactions)

If you're really struggling, you could get the book How to Wean your Baby by Charlotte sterling read. It gives you literally week by week, day by day instructions. It's mostly aimed at people just starting out, but it sounds like you and your baby have had a bit of a scare, so maybe it would be helpful for you to step right back and almost begin again at the beginning?

Soft veg such as cauliflower or broccoli, soft pears or plums, avocado, cheese if its allowed, eggy bread, omlette, pancake, all cut into 'fingers' or small pieces to pick up and play with. Soft mashed food on a spoon or just let him play with it. (All these things could be part of the meal you make for yourself to eat with him, to avoid waste.)

The acres of baby foods in supermarkets are an expensive con! I remember when babies just used to get 'rusks' which were biscuits you could suck and they would go soggy. Remember the taste even now, they were delicious. Contained far too much sugar though.

He's probably getting enough nutrition from the milk, solids are just about learning to physically coordinate biting, chewing eating and swallowing rather than needing the food.

Stay near so you can help if needed, hopefully the gagging will get better.

I am no expert but probably eating with him could really help, as he can copy what you are doing, at the moment he is completely guessing how it all works.

I am EXACTLY the same. My baby is also 9.5 months and I have always been absolutely terrified of him choking. I made my own purees when he was younger, just boiled fruit/veg, blitzed them and stored them in the freezer (ice cube trays are fab for this) I added the fruit to greek yogurt.

I have the past month or so tried to give him some more variety, weetabix with cows milk for breakfast, toast, banana pancakes whole (1/2 mashed banana, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1 egg), egg and cheese omelette cut into fingers. He's now mostly having what we eat, ie tonight he had jacket potato with butter and mashed beans, he loves fish cake so I remove the crust, spaghetti cut into small pieces, rice, sweet potato fries. I do use pouches and melty sticks etc for when we're out and about.

Its so hard, it really is my biggest thing about parenting, I find it beyond terrifying, so you're not alone x

I don’t know if anyone is following this thread. But an update!
i honestly struggled a little while after this and finally after support from the health visitor who actually sat and listened to me, she gave me the courage and I started with the Annabel Karmel app for recipes and ………this kid!!!! He’s a year old now and eats everything.
he still isn’t chewing properly which I guess is normal and he does still sometimes just swallow things whole. But if he does gag he dosent panic and will continue to eat un phased. I never thought we’d get her and especially so quickly. And he will try everything, I’m so proud of him.