How closely to watch your child?

[stressedoutmama1234]

Please could I get some advice. I am a very anxious parent- I am seeing a psychologist for this- but I am struggling to strike an old balance and so wanted to get some advice.

We went on a play date with my daughter’s preschool friend at her house. We were in the garden. There were another two mums there also. As the kids settled and played, we all sat down. I normally watch my daughter like a hawk and she is always in the same room as me. If I can’t see her, I will always pop my head around the corner very regularly to make sure she is ok. At the play date, my back was towards my daughter and I was talking to the other parents. I was conscious of the fact I hadn’t turned around to make sure she was ok, but did notice one of the parents glancing over my shoulder so I decided to not turn around. I perhaps didn’t check on her for over a minute or so and now- for some part of that, I could see her t shirt out of the corner of my eye as she was running around the small kids table and chairs set. I feel really guilty that she may have put something in her mouth- she has just turned there or she may have done something silly/ dangerous. I think that at least one of the mums would have said something but I suppose you never know. They also went down the side of the garden, and as they didn’t come back after a few seconds I got up and went. Not everyone saw this. I didn’t even think about the fact it was a side access otherwise I would have gone straightaway, and now I keep thinking what if the gate had been open and she had run onto the main road.
It was a residential garden and the mum is very sensible, but I am just struggling with finding the right balance. If I don’t watch her like a hawk I feel guilty. If I do, I end up spending the whole time with her and not speaking to the other mums, which I know isn’t the most important thing, but I am sometimes conscious of coming across as odd- which again I don’t really care about it as my priority will always be to keep my daughter safe but I know I need to strike a balance.

Please be kind, this is hard enough as it is. If you have nothing constructive to say, please keep your comment to yourself.

Mostly this will depend on the age of the child.

To quite a big extent, the personality of the child will also impact.

Then, risk assessing the environment, and also it would be different if you know the other parents and are comfortable with each other keeping an eye.

But mostly, they get a bit more freedom as they get a bit older.

Hi. Thank you. She is quite boisterous and high energy but also quite cautious.

She has just turned three.

I’m pretty balanced with this stuff but it depends on where you are. When I need to I have eyes on my child at all times, and when it’s ok to relax, I relax.

At home my nearly 4 year old is in separate rooms from me very often. He’s a little chatterbox and we have a small home so I always hear him pottering about and talking to himself. I check in on him but mostly leave him to it. He’s never been the type of child to do anything crazy- no emptying all the shampoo bottles or drawing on the walls or anything like that. Anything dangerous is not accessible to him.

On play dates I usually know the parents and their home and trust the environment. The kids go off and play and we leave them to it completely. We can hear them milling about anyway. It’s nice to get a break from them!

Out and about is very dependent on the environment. Local park that we know inside out? I can sit with friends and chat and we can all see the play park and would see if a child left the area or was hurt. Somewhere new? Busy? Easy to lose sight of my child? Well those are the exhausting days because you never switch off from constantly keeping eyes on them. I’d say enjoy the play dates and try to be better at relaxing and leaving the kids to their own devices a bit. And in your own home? You really don’t have to be in the same room as her all the time. Don’t you take a shower while she’s happily playing or cook dinner while she’s in another room?

Thanks.

Have known the mum for a while now, since September and see her regularly at pick ups and drops off. Done a few play dates like soft play but first time at her house but I know she is sensible and caring.

Not really- I mainly shower in the evenings when she is bed. I cook quick things when she is around, but we have an open plan kitchen so she is always close by.

First child - watched like a hawk 1 metre behind at all times ready to intervene within 1 second in case of danger.
Second child - turns out that eating soil/mud, walking outside with no shoes on, running with scissors is not as dangerous as I thought.
I think we probably had more near misses with our first when sleep deprived then with our second, because our second had to learn fast! Or maybe their personalities.
I guess work out how many near death experiences you can handle per year, and try to keep it within those bounds? Take care.

When mine were three I was very relaxed in our house as I have child-proofed. We have a pond, it has grill over it but I liked someone to be in the garden with them just in case. At the park they needed to be in our line of sight. At somebody else's house ot would depend on how child friendly it is, I would want them in the same room as you don't know I'd they secure heavy furniture to the wall or are careful about button batteries. I trust my sister has thought of those things so they could play in their cousin's room but I'd prefer they stayed in the living room or garden at other houses. If they have an uncovered pond or open access to the road I'd want them in my line of sight. I relaxed as they got older and mine were often the first to walk a little way to school or get a bus.