Is this normal behaviour for almost 5 yo

[Frieda86]

DD is almost 5, coming to the end of reception.
Her behaviour has deteriorated massively in the last few weeks - temper tantrums, hurting her younger brother, point blank refusal to do as shes asked etc. She changes literally in the blink of an eye from an angel to an absolute wreck and back again in an instant. It can last 5 mins or an hour.
When she kicks off we do the whole connection before correction and she has time out with me or OH or sometimes she goes to her room to calm down. I don't know if I need to be harsher but sometimes I genuinely feel like she can't help herself and shes not doing it deliberately.

She was worried about the move to y1 but they did their transition day last week and she really enjoyed it and seems really excited to move.
For a while I've suspected ASD for a few reasons-.

1. My OH is on the spectrum. I'm awaiting an assessment.
2. She was a late talker but is fine now.
3. She really struggles socially. She literally just goes up to her friends and stands in front of them. Like she just doesn't know what she should do. I can't tell you who her friends at school are. She can never remember who she played with. I mentioned this to her teacher who just said shes fine.
4. She hates new situations and gets very anxious. She recently swapped swimming groups and was so worried that she didn't think she'd be able to find her new group.
5. At birthday parties she gets overwhelmed by the noise.
6. She makes repetitive noises. Not any particular noise. Some times its a weird whistle, today it was 'squawk'. Tomorrow it might be a growl.
7. We've got huge food issues. She only has about 6 or 7 safe foods and can't cope with different textures or foods touching.

I honestly don't know what to think. Is this normal for her age and development or could there be more to it?

Hi

It sounds like she has autistic traits and it can be genetic.

Only way to really know for sure is to ask for a referral and get the ball rolling as it takes absolutely ages. The worst that can happen is you change your mind in a year and don’t go to the appointment.

My daughter was 4 when we referred and she’s 6 now and just about to get formally assessed.

Her traits are noise sensitivity/food sensitivity/anxiety around change/inability to sleep/erratic behaviour and big mood swings at times

A massive one for us is that she has demand avoidance so it takes forever to get her to do anything and she would literally never leave the house if it was up to her!

I also have an almost 5 yo that's coming to the end of reception. Some of what you have described I see in my daughter and other bits I don't
A lot of her school friends are a bit frazzled and I think it's especially the summer born and those with possible neurodiversity. A few of her friends are waiting to undergo assessments and they have been finding the last few weeks a bit trickier.
We had issues in the spring term with friends my daughter was refusing to go to school as no one played with her. The teacher said she played with loads of people but when pressed for details she admitted that quite a few of the girls sat in circles at lunchtime and she was sitting next to them. To the casual observer it looked like she was part of them but her reality wasn't that. I've been out of work since Feb and we have done a lot more in the evenings with some of her classmates. They are other "quiet, watch and observe" children and they seem to have formed a nice little friendship group and she hasn't complained about not having friends for a while. My daughter definitely struggles with integrating herself if a game has already started.
There are quite a few kids in her class that struggle with noise and it's not uncommon for several of them to have headphones with them just in case and to use if needed. My daughter has been more sensitive to noise in the last term I think the more life gets overwhelming the more sensory things can come in.

It's a hard one, for me, I think the struggles my daughter is having relates to being 4-5 and her personality of being a bit more reserved until she understands a situation. I would probably say that what you have described goes a bit beyond being a 4-5 yo and I'd probably would be asking to speak to the school SENCO for some advice.

@Superscientist your daughter's name is in your post, so you might want to ask Mumsnet to remove it.

Thank you!

Thanks. I thiught there might not be enough at the moment to get a referral.

Thanks. It's hard being 4 isn't it!

It is!
My daughter has been getting some extra support from school the last few weeks to help her so definitely worth discussing it with the school neuro diversity or not they should be supporting her wellbeing. My daughter has had some one on one time with the teacher to discuss her emotional needs and she's been getting some extra sensory time. The teacher has also instigated some mindfulness colouring at the start of the day for the class to ease them into the school day whilst they limp through to the end of term!
My daughter academically has been on par with the older kids in the class but socially and emotionally very much 4 and not quite as developed as some of the others. I have had to repeatedly bring it up with teachers just to remind them that she is still only 4 and needs support in all areas of personal growth not just academically. Also highlighting the different ways she presents at home versus at school!

Mine is the same age.
Hes very fussy with food

Had a meltdown last week in the garden as his crocs are blue and he wanted red ones ( he’s had these blue ones since last year, and never owned red ones!). Such a meltdown he locked himself in the shed and took about an hour to calm down..

However, he’s not at school for another year as they don’t start until 6+ where we are. So his days are still play based at kindergarten. I think there’s a lot of pressure on making a 4/5 year old sit, read, study. Instead of playing in the sandpit.

Mine is exactly the same - academically great but still very young. The teacger just kind of brushed it off and said shes fine but I'm not convinced. Only a week to go and hopefully the break will help. They do work very hard for such young children so tiredness is probably a factor

Very happy to have found this post. I feel like my son's behaviour is also disintegrating in the last few weeks: talking rudely, nonsensical talk, argumentative, making weird noises, going a bit nuts at parties and barely remembering a thing about his day. We've discussed possible autism with his teacher based on poor working memory, missing social cues and being unable to handle more that one basic instruction. It just seems to have manifested more than ever in the last few weeks, possibly because it's been a long term and their brains are just scrambled? I've noticed he's quite a lot less mature than his peers too in terms of socialisation and executive functions. I know there's a lot of development to come in his life, but I feel encouraged that I'm not alone in noticing this change and feeling a little concerned.