Desperate for help with stopping breastfeeding

[Tiddybiddy247]

My son is 23 months. I've struggled with breastfeeding from day 1 for so many reasons. I kept going because I thought it would be easier to wean him after 1. I was wrong. It's ruining my family life and my relationship with my son. A couple of months ago I started to try and introduce to him the idea of boundaries and saying no to some feeds. I also read a couple of gentle weaning books... since then it's got so much worse. He asks for boo boo all day every day. He never used to ask while we were out but now he does. He has massive tantrums if I say no. He wants boo boo every 5 mins some days. Like I will let him have it for 30 mins or sometimes less than 5 and 5mins later he wants it again. He pulls on my clothes, kicks me and follows me around screaming I want it over and over.

I've always fed him to sleep and he's always wake up at least 5 times overnight but that's down to 2 or 3 now. I feel like I can't enjoy quality time with him because I'll be reading a story and he interrupt asking for boo boo. I'll be playing with toys he wants boo boo. I'm eating dinner and he wants boo boo.

My family and husband feel he's got an unhealthy addiction and I've created an anxious and obsessed little person. They tell me to just stop but I'm not finding that easy.

I've tried everything you can think of. I guess I'm looking for others who went through it. Hoping it's a phase and he'll grow out of it before he's 3. I'm just so depressed by it. Feel like a failure

My son was a bit like this. Except he had the word boobies down 😣. What is it that is making it hard to go cold turkey? I think some children don't respond well to inconsistency (sometimes mum lets me and sometimes she doesn't). I went cold turkey at 23 months, having cut out night feeds a few months earlier. High cut tops essential and do it at a time there is another parent or adult family member present so you can pop out if he gets too demanding or upset and be left with another safe adult. My son is now 31 months. If he sees me topless he still talks about booby milk and says he wants to drink it, likes to kiss my chest given half the chance but accepts the milk is all gone. It really didn't take long for it to stop being a big thing.

I think it's being unable to cope with the constant tantrums and begging. It wears me down. I'm sleep deprived and I am a stay at home mum, he doesn't go to nursery. I don't have parents and my mil lives 200 miles away and is 73! I have a few friends who breastfeed but none of their boys is like mine. They are about 3 months older. They make it sound so easy how they've cut down or their little ones just aren't interested. I keep wondering if I can just keep going another 3 months maybe my kid will just suddenly turn a corner?

But it's the constant asking for a boo boo and half the time he's just sticking his feet in my face, blowing raspberries on my boobs and he's also obsessed with a mole I have on my stomach and he gets really distressed if he can't touch the mole at the same time.

I think natural term weaning is between about 2.5 and 7, so although it could happen that way, i wouldn't hold my breath. I can totally understand why being a SAHM would make it harder. My son was in nursery 4 days a week by that point so was used to going all day without and probably that meant my supply wasn't so abundant either by the point he stopped. Could you recruit the family members and husband who are being unfairly critical and say you want to stop but need their help - could someone come to visit for a week to take the pressure off you when he gets obsessive?

My DD is 3 next month and only just stopped and she still asks for it, and there has been nothing left in them for a few months, I'm pretty sure they're empty. Every day she still asks though but she doesn't have a tantrum when she can't have any which she would have done when she was 2. I also hear the 'oh mine just went off it, naturally weaned themselves' etc. I think my DD would still be going in school if I let her! It's really hard and I feel you OP. The only thing that worked for us was her staying out longer GP's, she doesn't stay over night but DH would bring her home at like 7.30 and she would transfer from car asleep and stay asleep. She no longer wakes now for it but when she wakes in the morning she does ask for it still.
I do feel that one of the things was though that she understands so much more now at nearly 3 than did at 2 which really does help when you're explaining why they can't have milk.

I'd suggest trying to cut down to specific times that he has to wait for first? Like first thing in the morning and then last thing before bed. Get the constant asking knocked on the head without going cold turkey.

I fully weaned at 27 months and just went with "boobies are for babies and you're a big girl', which she could understand at that age. Only took two nights, she continued to touch and use boobs as a reassurance object up until age 4, but that was also limited to nighttimes. I was surprised how ok it was! We'd tried earlier at 1 1/2 and it had been a nightmare.

But I had kept breastfeeding to two in morning/ night from about a year old, so I think you might need to get that in place first.

Following for advice and bumping for you.
I suspect this is my future! My 17mo DD has become obsessed too. We'd got down to barely ever daytime feeding, just at bedtime and night, and now she's tugging at me frequently in the day. I'm literally sitting at toddler groups with her one minute stuffing snacks in and next grabbing at me making milk sign and I can only distract for about 5 mins before all out tantrum. So I feel your pain!
I'm predicting, though, that just like any tantrum my older boy (not breastfed) had, if it's something important you have to just make the decision to stick to the boundary you've chosen, ride the tantrums, and after a few days it's all ok. That was how we got rid of his dummies, anyway! Kept calmly repeating, dummies are in the bin, you're not a baby, only babies have dummies etc. Kindly, and sympathising that it's hard to give up something you love. Cuddles, and distraction. Sometimes no option but to let the 30 min tantrum occur. By day 3 he'd stopped asking. Would occasionally ask for it later on and we'd explain, he'd say ok and that was it.

I had to go cold turkey with my first, at 22 months, as my periods hadn't come back and we wanted to try for a second child. My son was very intense about being fed and I tried restricting, but he found it very hard to know why he could some times and not others, so he was very upset by that. So I did cold turkey by putting plasters over my nipples and told him they were broken and didn't work anymore. He understood this and was very upset about this, which was hard at first. It took about a week and he adjusted to the new circumstances. I was very upset over the week too, as it wasn't the gentle weaning I had hoped for, but gentle weaning wasn't working. Good luck!

https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/ending-breastfeeding

I highly recommend a consultation with Emma if you can afford it. I genuinely don’t know how I would have stopped feeding DC1 without her guidance. I had no idea where to start.

I stopped at 42 months.

I had to go away from him for a week though.

If the people around you think it's so simple, they won't mind taking the bairn while you go and take a break in a hotel and catch up on some kip.

That sounds so hard. So, so easy to say just don't give into the tantrums but my 3 year old is in a tantrum phase about something else so I totally feel your pain. Actually when the baby came he regressed and started asking for boobie again which has been a challenge.

How is his eating? Is he getting enough food, water etc so it's only about comfort?

The advice is distraction, during the day. Every time he asks try to redirect. 23 is a tricky age though. I think it is just making a rule, no more during the day and gritting your teeth and getting through it. Can you make a plan with your husband so he either takes time off or do it during a weekend and he takes the boy and physically keeps him away from you for a time. I weaned with my first because I had to go on a business trip for 3 nights so it was cold turkey. I wasn't there and that was that.

I think if you eventually give in when he asks, he will always keep asking. I do think for him he sounds quite addicted (!!!) So maybe cold turkey is the way to go. Kids do generally adapt quite quickly. Sounds very draining though.

I had to go cold turkey with it due to mediation. Was 3 days of hell then he was over it. I think prepare for a bad couple day and stop on a Friday and let your partner take over parenting every time he asked over the weekend then have a busy Monday and Tuesday to keep him as distracted as possible.