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Child always left out

8 replies

BusyOchreBiscuit · 13/07/2025 09:34

Bit of a long and complex one.

We live in and my child has grown up in a street with lots of children. We have always liked it as it is more of a ‘traditional’ childhood outside with lots of children to play with. Generally he plays great with anyone and is excellent at making friends wherever we go.

Trouble is with the boy friend group amongst them he is always left out. There are 5 of them that play regularly and as he’s not into the same things as them (football - he doesn’t like it) and PlayStation/fortnite/among us (we don’t let him play it, he’s 6). He wants to play with them but they leave him out, always make him the ‘bad guy’ in games and generally aren’t very nice a lot of the time. One of them who I would say was his “best friend” is now friends with one of the other boys and leaves him out. They go in for each other and walk past our house. As he’s getting older he notices it. He’s very attuned with how he feels and is good at discussing it. I am very much one for letting them sort things out amongst themselves but it’s becoming more apparent that this isn’t something that he can do on his own.

We’ve spoken about moving house to a bigger one for a year or so but have always been hesitant because of the fact it’s so safe for the children to play so freely here. I’m not sure that this is our sign to move on from here although I know my son is sensitive and he’ll be hurt by moving. I know it’ll be beneficial for him in the long term especially as he seems to be becoming more ostracized.

Question is, have you dealt with something similar? How did you approach? Have tried speaking with parents previously and honestly it went down like a lead balloon (very much ‘not my child’ vibes) so unsure what to do next? Have told my son to walk away if they’re being unkind or given hin words/phrases to use when something unkind is happening. Not sure where to go from here or to cut our losses with the street friends, focus on his other friends from outwith and go ahead with plans to move?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ZiggyZowie · 13/07/2025 13:38

Yeah I get it , we saw son's friends going past our door, He found other friends and is now grown up and has loads good friends.
To be honest you can't really talk to the parents about this
I tried once but got " I can't make my son be friends with yours"
You just have to move on , encourage new interests,hobbies,new friends

Doyoumind · 13/07/2025 13:41

You can't make them be friends with your son. Your son doesn't like the things they like, but you expect them to change rather than your son.

coxesorangepippin · 13/07/2025 13:42

You're considering moving house because your child doesn't play with kids on the street that you live on?

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NuffSaidSam · 13/07/2025 13:42

As hard as it is, you can't make kids be friends and if he doesn't like/isn't allowed to do the key things that they want to do then they won't play with him.

If they're being actively unkind then that's different, but it's sounds like they just don't want to play with him, which is fine. You don't spend time socially with people you don't like...these kids don't have to either.

I would concentrate on building his friendships with other kids from school/clubs. In a few years when all their hobbies change it could well be different and they might have stuff in common again.

whyschoolwhy · 13/07/2025 13:45

Aggghhh, these situations can be so difficult for us parents, emotionally. I hear you OP. As others have said though, provided the kids aren't being unkind, there's not really anything you can say or do beyond encouraging resilience in your child. Don't move house for this reason - move if you want to, but not over this.

If he has other friends from school, make a point of inviting them over for play dates.

Lafufufu · 13/07/2025 13:50

But your son isn't actually benefiting from "a ‘traditional’ childhood outside with lots of children to play with" is he???

You wont change this dynamic because they aren't his tribe and you want to move for more space anyway... its a no brainer to me

skippy67 · 13/07/2025 13:57

Doyoumind · 13/07/2025 13:41

You can't make them be friends with your son. Your son doesn't like the things they like, but you expect them to change rather than your son.

I agree with this. My DS was really into football and gaming when he was younger, as were his friends. It's normal to be friends with people who share the same interests.

Kchs232 · 13/07/2025 15:50

Unfortunately this is just part of life and growing up. Your son won't be everyones best friend, and thats okay. You can't force kids to play with other kids if they don't want too. You admit your son doesn't have the same interests as them. I wouldn't let my 6 year old play out in the street, no matter how "safe" it was.

I'm sure he has friends at school if you say he makes friends wherever he goes. Nurture school friendships, sign him up for a hobby he would enjoy etc

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