At what age to leave…

[mammatomonsters]

So just to start with I AM NOT PLANNING ON DOING THIS 😂 But just more of a curious

I currently pick up my DS (7) from school and we walk home. On the way home we pick up other DS from nursery.

DS gets pretty fed up with having to come back out the house to pick up his brother and sometimes wants to go home first but not get ready to go back out and collect his brother 😂

The whole nursery run from home takes about 4 minutes. You can see the actual nursery from my house (it’s about 5 doors down on the other side of the road). I also feel like he’s a pretty sensible kid and would sit down and watch tv while I ran out.

I definitely think he’s a bit young now, but at what age would you feel comfortable nipping out for that amount of time. I definitely have a tendency to be a bit protective 😂

Just to add again, no plans to actually leave him yet but curious on what age others would in the same situation!

I wouldn’t do it any earlier than year 6 tbh so around age 10.

If it's only 4 minutes it seems a bit ridiculous for him to object to going! I wouldn't give him the option tbh.

So you're away for 4 minutes?! I'd say 8yo....that's when I started to leave for 10-15minutes. I think you have to build up time gradually but if you can't leave an 8yo for 4 minutes then somethings wrong!

8 or 9 depending on child

Literally 5 doors down, I'd do it now IF you pick up and go. If you are the sort to stand around chatting, I'd leave it until ages 9 or 10 depending on the maturity of your child.

The silly thing is I'm old and when I was that age, we wandered at will during the holidays. The basic instruction was be back by dark in the winter or by 5.30 in summer. 😁

8 for that short time, if he was sensible and happy to be left

I don’t give him any option, he always comes with me no questions asked. But I think sometimes he just wants to chill and watch tv and not go back out (I fully get this as an adult 🤣)

Im definitely normally in and out at nursery. I don’t stay any longer than I’d have to.

I definitely don’t think he’s quite ready yet, but not sure if it’s me being protective. As someone said at his age I was walking off to the park with my friends on my own (with no phone). Although I’d definitely trust him to sit down and not move while I was gone as he is pretty sensible in that sense (he quite often just chills downstairs while I’ve got the baby napping on my bed upstairs with me) and he doesn’t move at all

He actually asked me when he’d be able to stay while I did pick up of the other one which is why I asked because I have no clue and by year 6 he’s allowed to leave without a parent. It was more curiosity of what age others would leave as he’d directly asked me!

I think an eight year old should be fine at home alone for five minutes.

8 was when I started leaving DS at home while I popped to the village shop etc. It does very much depend on the child but sounds like yours is calm and sensible like mine :)

He definitely is. He has his moments of being silly but I feel like he’s got a sensible head (he’s been with her before and she’s left the room knowing that he’ll snitch on the younger ones 😂)

We have a one chance and it’s gone rule so I don’t think he’d risk doing anything silly. And he’s not one to do something to hurt himself because he doesn’t like being hurt 😂

My middle child on the other hand would burn the house down in seconds 😂

So, 4 minutes there, 4 minutes back, with maybe a 2 minute handover at the door? So 10 minutes in total, and for 8 of those your 7yo would be able to see you on the road if he looked?
I'd do it now, tbh. I'd probably use a pair of walkie talkies so he could contact me if needed.
My 5yo is sometimes left unattended for longer than that - admittedly with me in the house - but if I have a long shower, or need to take a Teams call, or if I'm weeding the garden and he's playing lego up in his room and we can't see each other... as long as he has a way to contact you in an emergency, and if he's pretty sensible and you know he's not going to try and turn the gas cooker on or something (!) then I'd say it's fine from time to time. The difficulty IMO will be managing his expectations so that it doesnt become a daily thing.

I think he'd be fine being left for 5 minutes, but I'd wait until he actually asks and then discuss why he'd like to stay at home and how he'd need to behave during the 5 minutes you are out (eg, don't answer the door, no messy play). That would help him express his wishes clearly rather than expect you (and any future women in his life) to anticipate his wishes and act on them without anything being said and also help him learn to negotiate.

i do morning drop off and I’m home in less than 5 minutes including me giving them a handover. I had concerns last week and was still back pretty quickly (DH was at home)

it definitely wouldn’t be a constant thing, but my worry would be for an emergency. He definitely wouldn’t try and cook.

Both him and his brother often play upstairs or downstairs unsupervised for hours at a time and love it 😂

I used to leave both mine at that age while l went to shop over road, literally 6 mins, they just watched tv. Mind you this was 20 yeaes ago with no mobile phones. I was never worried about them, but me, just in case l randomly got run over. But they knew to go to a neighbour if l wasn't back when l said l would be.

he’s asked a few times to stay on his own but he’s not quite seven yet (pretty much but not quite)

he’s not able to unlock the door from the inside and knows not to answer the door even if he knows who it is (he’d just look out the window). He literally just wants to stay so he can play on the switch or pick what’s on the tv 😂

I left my son at home to do kindergarten pick-ups from age 7 - but he’s very sensible. But we are in Germany, where its completely normal. I’d maybe trial it as a reward for good behaviour. That’s what I plan to do soon with my second, who is nearly 7 but less reliable.

How about doing a trial run earlier in the afternoon when his brother doesn’t need picking up and see how it goes?

We had a very similar set up during COVID and I was definitely leaving my then 8 year old for 5 minutes just down the road in spitting distance to collect baby ds from nursery. Ds is now 7 and it’s not unusual that I’m outside in a field or tending to various animals for longer than 5 minutes. We have a big property and it would never occur to me that I have to keep him literally in my line of sight at all times. He’s often inside watching tv and I’ll be on the other side of the hedge dealing with something, which is no different really. Similar time, similar distance.

I also sometimes leave him to drive dd to the bus stop. Bus stop is probably a 90 second drive from our house, but across a muddy field. So I drive her up the drive and deposit her on the other side of the muddy field. I’ve been doing that since he was 6. Again, no more risk than me being outside and actually probably faster to get back to the house in the car from the bus stop than on foot from the bottom of our (big) garden.

If he’s a sensible 7yo I’d be leaving him alone in the house for an equal amount of time that it takes me to shower. (That’s bc I’m a single mum and I shower when I’m in the house with my now 8yo!)
I wouldn’t leave 2 children alone together that amount of time, but 1 child, yes.

I’ll probably get flamed for this, but I think a 9 minute absence for a child who whose preference is to stay at home is perfectly ok, as long as you do a brief check before you go out - eg, no sharp knives lying around, no precarious heavy objects etc.

In that situation I would say when he turns 8 it would be absolutely fine.