Tantrums and biting :(

[helenmelonmoon]

My DD (5) has started having really bad tantrums lately. She gets very angry if she doesn’t get her own way. In desperation I’ve been having to say things like I will take away certain toys until she can start being kind again. Today it happened in a shop and DH had to try and get her to the car. He wasn’t able to do a swift lift and get her under the arm. It was more of a pulling her along which resulted in her biting him! I’m so upset about it. Even worse I had seen a friend just before we entered the shop and can’t help but panic they might have seen the whole episode. When DD got home she said she was sorry and tried giving DH her toys and snack. But later she tried hitting me after I said no to her using my phone. I’m at a loss now. I don’t shout at her. I tell her to stop and she is being unkind. She doesn’t seem to care. She never really had tantrums until around this age. Any advice?? :(

Hm. So don't worry about the friend. That's not relevant.

How much screen time (your phone) is she having? Just wondering if the tantrums all centre on that (and if they do, you need to stop letting her play on a phone at all for a good long while).

You are the parent here: what is she tantrumming about? Is it when she is hungry / tired? Is it because she isn't getting enough attention from you? What is going on?

As for hitting / biting: I used to tell my kids that anger was a normal emotion and it needs to be let out, but you need to let it out safely and it is never ever OK to hurt another person. I was consistent with that messaging. It had fuck all to do with being kind and everything to do with teaching them that anger is a normal emotion and is OK (and normally is there to tell you something is not OK) but you need to manage it go and shout at a wall in a room, hit a cushion or pillow something age approrpriate).

It's really hard, but please see if you can figure out a way forwards. Good luck.

My three-year-old sometimes just stares right into my eyes and throws a tantrum. When I try to correct her, she mimics my tone of voice. Plus, she's been super tearful lately