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Parenting

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Original poster

Is 12 too young to spend the day on their own at home?

47 replies

mosschops30 · 26/05/2008 13:54

My feeling is yes but dh thinks its fine.

dd who is a very sensible 12 yr old, wants to stay alone tomorrow. She is normally on her own in the mornings from 7ish, until she leaves at 8am for the bus. Then lets herself in a 4pm until me and dh arrive 5,30ish.
She has stayed for short periods in the daytime too, is quite capable of making herself a sandwich.
She knows not to answer the door and we have a code for the phone so she only answers if the code is used.
My neighbour has just had a back op so will be home all day too

Any thoughts?

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ItsPotatoesForYouMyLad · 26/05/2008 22:34

mosschops. i have to say my initial reaction is absolutely no, but then mine are 2 and 5yo so i'm a way off.
have you already talked to dd about it? what does she think? what does she plan to do for 10 hours? (i'm thinking it's an awful long time with no cooker, no friends, no popping out etc)

cat64 · 26/05/2008 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Martha200 · 26/05/2008 22:53

We had some council leaflet drop through our door the other day and I am sure it said children can be legally left on their own at home from 13 (don't quote me on it as could be wrong and now I can't find the thing.)

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Ledodgy · 26/05/2008 22:55

I'd say yes too. I was allowed to go shopping in town all day (liverpool city centre) with a friend of the same age when I was 11.

charliecat · 26/05/2008 22:57

I would say yes. Tell her no using the cooker. And not to take keys out of doors so she can deffo get out if required.

nametaken · 26/05/2008 23:04

I'm leaning towards yes. Another poster said about a sensible friend coming round too and I think that sounds like a good idea but obviously she'd have to be really sensible.

Lurkinaround · 26/05/2008 23:09

I had no choice but to leave mine at home if they were ill and I had to go to work. If I could, I would use annual leave or even phone in sick myself but that wasn't always an option. Noone around to help out either.

A lot of single parents will be in this position when the new rules regarding benefits kick in soon. I shall shut up about that though as don't want this to turn into yet another one of THOSE threads.

I'm sure your DD will be fine, you know her best.

TinkerbellesMum · 26/05/2008 23:54

There isn't a legal age you can leave children on there own (I asked Mum this recently) the law says they have to be properly supervised(? can't remember the correct wording) so for some children being on their own isn't a problem, but for others it is. I was staying on my own for a couple of hours when I was about 10, but I remember my sister calling 999 because no one told her I was in the house and she was about 13, she completely freaked out. My parents wouldn't leave her alone or walk far until she was a lot older than me.

At 14 I had a weekly hospital appointment that would take me out of school. I would then go into town for tea and then get a train and a bus to go to St John, my parents wouldn't see me until 8pm - all before mobile phones were carried by teenagers (could have done with it too a couple of times when I missed my connection!) My sister had to be taken to school until she left.

SummatAndNowt · 27/05/2008 06:36

My sis and I looked after ourselves for 2 weeks when I was 14 and she was 12 and my mum got taken into hospital while my dad was in the US.

We were sensible children and told no-one (friends) we were home alone. We had one of my sister's teachers pop down now and then to check up on us. I only hope I can bring my child up to be so sensible and able to take care of themselves if such a situation arose.

ILovePudding · 27/05/2008 06:59

My parents would leave me for a couple of hours to go shopping when I was about that age. One time I raided the drinks cabinet, made myself feel sick, so decided to take an aspirin and go to bed .

My parents are very sensible, responsible people and I had a very normal childhood.

Hopefully your dd is more mature than I was at that age, but I don't think leaving her for a whole day is a good idea.

Flamesparro · 27/05/2008 07:55

It depends on the child imo.

Regular phone calls and everything else you have described and YOU trusting her - yes.

cory · 27/05/2008 08:57

For me this would completely hinge on whether you know her to be responsible and whether she is happy with the situation. If so, I'd say yes.

maidamess · 27/05/2008 08:59

My dd 12 would give her eye teeth to be left at home that long.

I would ring and check regularly if there was no other way round it.

OrmIrian · 27/05/2008 09:02

mosschops - I've just been wondering more or less the same. My DS#1 is only 11 atm. But I'ev just found out that none of his inset days in secondary school will correspond with the primary school my other DCs will still be in. Can't always take leave or work from home.

I've left him for an hour or so at a time. He can go to a neighbours house if he needs to, or call on another neighbour, he can call me if needs be. But I don't know. Fairly sure my DH would be horrified at the very idea anyway so probably a moot point.

ivykaty44 · 27/05/2008 09:19

Is their any reason that your dd shouldn't be left at home for the day whilst you are at work?

Would your dd do anything silly? Is your dd a sensible girl? Do you trust your dd?

If the answer to these questions is yes then leave her to look after herself for the day.

Has your dd done something really stupid in the past that would mane it would be dodgy to leave her with the responsability of looking after herself?

If the answer is no to the above then don't leave her on her own to look after herself until you can trust her again.

Most dc can be trusted and are sensible, give them a bit of responsability and it will make them become more responsable.

LynetteScavo · 27/05/2008 09:27

If she has the phone number for grandparents, could she spend part of the day with them? (I realise a 12 year old might not wan't to spend the entire day with them)

christywhisty · 28/05/2008 02:20

I leave my DS 12 at home from 9 to 3. I only work 15 minutes walk from home. He is very sensible and his teachers keep telling me how mature he is.

OrmIrian · 30/05/2008 15:10

On this sort of subject - I had a houseful of lads this morning, all 11yrs or older. I had to go out for 40 mins or so. I rang the mums of the ones that weren't neighbours to ask if it was OK to leave them in our house whilst I popped out. All of them said yes no problem. I did tell the other mum who is a neighbour and she agreed to be first port of call for them in case of emergency. It does seem to vary from area to area - but its normal around here so no-one questions it. WOuldn't have left them without checking though.

PrimulaVeris · 30/05/2008 15:23

Hmmm. My dd is 12, and no way would I let her stay in all day. I wouldn't feel comfortable and she certainly wouldn't like it. She's very happy on her own for 1-2 hours but not longer. And she's v. sensible and mature.

joash · 30/05/2008 15:29

all day - far too long to be alone at 12

Acinonyx · 30/05/2008 15:42

I was alone from 8 am to 5 pm every week day from the age of 11, school holidays included. I imagine it was a lot more common back then (70s). Interesting that people seem uncomfortable with that these days. It's hard not to be influenced by gneral opinion and I probably wouldn't be so comfortable with it. I recall it was absolutely fine in the summer but I didn't like coming home to a dark, cold house in the winter until I was 14+ and friends were able to come with me. Then is was fantastic having hte house to ourselves - regular party time.....

blondiep14 · 30/05/2008 16:50

My mum was a working single parent so me & my two sisters, (one twin, one 4.5yrs younger) were home alone after school until 7.30pm and all day in the holidays/if we were ill from the age of 12. Not ideal, but there was no other choice.

We also cooked our dinner and did the housework!!

I think you know your DD and if she is happy with it and you feel she is capable, then yes.

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