4 month old tantrum help

[MamaChilli]

My DD (4 months and 3 weeks, first child) has started throwing tantrums. To be clear, she's not crying because she's hungry/tired/in pain/hot/etc. they are proper tantrums and she's done two now. Both times she's been playing with something that we've moved away from her briefly (both were cool drinks she was about to tip over so we had moved them away to put a lid on them before moving them back into her reach) and she immediately started scream-crying and reaching for them. The first time it happened I was worried I'd pulled it away too hard and might have hurt her fingers but as soon as she got hold of the cup again she immediately relaxed and went back to her usual happy babbling that she does while playing. Same thing happened the second time, DH moved his cup to screw the lid on and as soon as he moved it back towards her the screaming stopped and she went back to giggling.

Not sure where this has come from as we don't rush to do her every want at all, when she's doing independent play and cries out of frustration (usually soft cries, very distinctly different from hurt/hungry/tired cries) we leave her to figure it out for herself, which she's very good at doing. She's usually such a happy baby, smiles all the time and at everyone she meets and loves to laugh so this new behaviour is quite a shock. She's also very independent usually, has been rolling, shuffling and sitting independently for a few weeks and started crawling backwards this week so it's not even like she's become dependent on us doing everything for her.

We're keen to try and nip this behaviour in the bud as quickly as we can if possible but all the advice for dealing with tantrums we can find is aimed towards older babies and toddlers that have the communication skills and capacity to reason (at least on a basic level) but she's not even 5 months yet so not able to understand those kinds of things.

Does anyone else have experience with dealing with tantrums very early or just have suggestions of things we could try? She's normally such a mild natured and sweet baby and we're keen to try and keep her that way and encourage her to grow into a well mannered child. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you

She’s 4 months old. I’d be surprised if she’s already sitting independently, crawling backwards and shuffling.

Absolutely not a tantrum, I don’t know why you’d characterise it like that. She’s far far too young to be worrying about “manners”, I’d forget all about that!

Wow she started sitting independently super early!!

She is a baby. You can't nip it in the bud. It's actually a very good sign that she is reacting to frustration.
Nothing you do will prevent it happening. She won't understand what is happening. She is reacting to her environment but she can't control it hence her frustration.
I think you should read up about child development.

That is so sad that a baby not long past the newborn stage is being labelled as having tantrums. You are so, so wrong to want to. shut down the normal development of a baby. Do you know nothing about babies and child development?

This is really sad. Please OP. Get yourself some reading material about child development. Unrealistic expectations are really damaging. Relax and enjoy your baby. She is so new and far too young to be anywhere near tantrums or modifying behaviour.

She was playing with something, you took it away and she cried. Thats normal reaction.

Is this a serious post a 4 month old does not have tantrums for goodness sake she wants to play with various things she's a baby. You cant control the sweet mild baby she will grow how she grows but seriously get off the little ones back tantrums don't exist at this age

She can't tantrum

Too young

In moments like this, you are your child's regulation device. She will learns much from you staying calm and redirecting her.

If you call it a tantrum you will respond from a place of punishment and correction. If you see it as her frustration, you will respond from a more helpful place.

It isn't helpful to push for precocious independence. This, along with you being annoyed or panicky with the "tantrum" is likely to cause her to be avoidant of you. She wont even bother asking for help. I am avoidant because this is exactly what my mum did with me. Don't do it!

Let your baby be a baby.

I don’t think this is a tantrum at almost 5 months. A toddler yes maybe not a 5 month baby. It’s hot and clammy and babies go through lots of development stages

If you think that's a tantrum, you're going to find the toddler and preschooler years very very very hard.

If she really is 4 months, that's not a tantrum.
Despite appearing to be quite advanced for a baby that age, she has yet to develop the power of speech, and therefore can't say - Erm I was playing with that, please give it back. So she cries, or shouts or screams.

I'm more concerned about the number of drinks she is managing to get hold of - ok when they're cold, but you really should get in the habit if not leaving things like that in reach. Burns from a git drink can be horrific.

Echoing those who are saying to do some more reading on child development OP. Babies can’t have tantrums, they aren’t rationalising behaviour or using it to gain an outcome in a way that an older child might. It’s impossible based on their stage of development. Your child is a baby, who can only communicate through very limited means - crying or babbling. Babbling might not be getting her what she needs - attention/care/extra food/touch etc so perhaps she’s using the only other method she has to try and get her needs met?
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that a baby needs ‘independence’ or nipping in the bud.

Even sweet and mild mannered kids go through normal/developmental phases where they have tantrums (some are very ‘mild’ in comparison to others of course!) because their brains are developing. At 4 months I’d either give her back the toy, or distract, depending on circumstance. Distract is such a key word - kids that seem mild mannered are generally easily distracted ‘what you wanted to stay at the park? Let’s go home and see daddy!’

You’re either incredibly naive or setting yourself and your child up for a lifetime of disappointment if you don’t listen to this thread.

This is exactly what I thought. First few months can definitely be hard but not because of 'tantrums' That kicks in later and I think OP will realise, when the baby is getting towards 2 and onwards, what actually constitutes as a tantrum.

This is exactly what I thought. First few months can definitely be hard but not because of 'tantrums' That kicks in later and I think OP will realise, when the baby is getting towards 2 and onwards, what actually constitutes as a tantrum.

"We are keen to nip this behaviour in the bud" ..... I trust you are joking!

She's 4 months old! She thinks her drink has vanished .... she does not know it's coming back ... she is a creature of instinct and it is life or death to her!

Read up on child development .... learn to put yourself inside your child's mind and interpret her behaviour on the basis of working out what she is thinking, given her life experience so far.