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Original poster

4 month old tantrum help

43 replies

MamaChilli · 11/07/2025 15:28

My DD (4 months and 3 weeks, first child) has started throwing tantrums. To be clear, she's not crying because she's hungry/tired/in pain/hot/etc. they are proper tantrums and she's done two now. Both times she's been playing with something that we've moved away from her briefly (both were cool drinks she was about to tip over so we had moved them away to put a lid on them before moving them back into her reach) and she immediately started scream-crying and reaching for them. The first time it happened I was worried I'd pulled it away too hard and might have hurt her fingers but as soon as she got hold of the cup again she immediately relaxed and went back to her usual happy babbling that she does while playing. Same thing happened the second time, DH moved his cup to screw the lid on and as soon as he moved it back towards her the screaming stopped and she went back to giggling.

Not sure where this has come from as we don't rush to do her every want at all, when she's doing independent play and cries out of frustration (usually soft cries, very distinctly different from hurt/hungry/tired cries) we leave her to figure it out for herself, which she's very good at doing. She's usually such a happy baby, smiles all the time and at everyone she meets and loves to laugh so this new behaviour is quite a shock. She's also very independent usually, has been rolling, shuffling and sitting independently for a few weeks and started crawling backwards this week so it's not even like she's become dependent on us doing everything for her.

We're keen to try and nip this behaviour in the bud as quickly as we can if possible but all the advice for dealing with tantrums we can find is aimed towards older babies and toddlers that have the communication skills and capacity to reason (at least on a basic level) but she's not even 5 months yet so not able to understand those kinds of things.

Does anyone else have experience with dealing with tantrums very early or just have suggestions of things we could try? She's normally such a mild natured and sweet baby and we're keen to try and keep her that way and encourage her to grow into a well mannered child. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you

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Teisen1990 · 11/07/2025 15:34

I think you're expecting way too much. She's not even 5 months- I'm not sure I'd have even called it a tantrum at that age.
You can't nip this in the bud, just go with it until she's older. There's a reason everything you've read is aimed at older children

BertieBotts · 11/07/2025 15:35

I wouldn't call that a tantrum - she just got frustrated or annoyed, and let you know about it.

I don't think you need to do anything. She is a baby, babies cry/scream because it's their only way to communicate. When she learns to speak, she will be less likely to scream.

rubyslippers · 11/07/2025 15:36

She’s not having a tantrum! Don’t characterise a baby in the same way as a toddler and you can’t nip anything in the bud
your baby is going through loads of developmental changes and this can affect behaviour
and of course she wants and NEEDS you to do everything for her - she’s barley 20 weeks old

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meagain3 · 11/07/2025 15:39

Normal. Mines the same age. He even screams at me, not crying screaming just screams in frustration. Just his way of communicating. Too young to be worried about nipping it in the bud. He don’t understand how else to communicate

Sayshesheshe · 11/07/2025 15:42

I’m amazed she’s 4 months old and has been sitting independently for several weeks!

I’d relax a bit, she’s teeny tiny still and your expectations sound way too high considering she’s barely aware of the world around her.

Tinseltotties · 11/07/2025 15:44

You can’t nip behaviour in the bud with a 4m old
she’s not misbehaving. Shes 4m old and has no other way to express herself.

you mention a lot how she’s not dependant on you doing things for her, and how you want to leave her to figure things out. Has someone told you you need to do this? I know some
people are really big on pushing ‘independence’ and not ‘spoiling’ children and that can get in your head. but she’s 4m. it’s ok if she is dependant on you doing things for her

DaisyChain505 · 11/07/2025 15:46

Jeez your baby is 4 months old. This is the only way she can express herself. She is literally learning how to do things/feel things in life every day for the first time. Some days will be tougher than others. You’re expecting too much.

PerfectPennyKilledMyHusband · 11/07/2025 15:49

This was really sad to read. 4 months is so young, just let your baby be a baby.

Beamur · 11/07/2025 15:49

This is normal behaviour.
She's communicating with you in the only way she can.

NuffSaidSam · 11/07/2025 15:55

I'd strongly advise reading a bit about child development so you can readjust your ideas around behaviour and what it means etc. You're way, way off base at the moment.

I think you'll look back and laugh at this post in a few years time! We've all been there with our PFB!

GoldDuster · 11/07/2025 15:55

She's not having tantrums, there's nothing to nip in the bud. I initially presumed you meant a 4 year old, not a 4 month old. I've got things in my fridge that are older than that. There is no advice about tantrums in 16 week old babies, because that's not what is happening.

She's communicating. She's a full human, not a mild mannered, sweet, good mannered belonging. Wait until the sudden screeching at ear splittting volume for seemingly no reason at all phase kicks in. This doesn't need correcting, it is developmental.

I do have some general advice, get into the habit of not just pulling something out of her hand, say, I'm going to take this cup and put the lid on now to make it safe, thankyou

I'm going to change your nappy now

I'm going to pop you in your chair for a minute now etc

She's still tiny but that's a good habit to get into as they get older so they know what's going on. This can lessen frustration, if you are overly worried about tantrums which seems to be the case.

Squishymallows · 11/07/2025 15:58

OP you sound fucking nuts. You want to control a 4 month old baby so that they turn out to be well mannered. You really really need to do some reading around child development, what normal babies are like and how to parent. You sound awful at the moment!!!

Thisismyusername54321 · 11/07/2025 16:00

What the hell? This is not a tantrum, this is just normal baby behaviour?

Very very very weird perspective - your baby isn't even 5 months old yet

Needmorelego · 11/07/2025 16:01

That's not tantrums. That's her way of doing communication.
It's what babies do.

Pivilepivling · 11/07/2025 16:03

Babies of that age do not have tantrums. She’s crying for a reason. I know it’s hard to figure what’s going on but the most likely reason a baby of that age cries is hunger.

fluffiphlox · 11/07/2025 16:03

Eh? Can little babies even have tantrums?

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 11/07/2025 16:03

The reason that the only resources you can find about dealing with tantrums is aimed at toddlers is because babies do not have tantrums.
She’s not capable of thinking “Mum took my cup away. I am angry about that and I will let her know by yelling and maybe she will give it back”. She can just about think “this cup is interesting, Oh no, it’s gone.” Any attempt to try to modify her behaviour (which is just communication really and not actually a behaviour at all) would be inappropriate, unkind and simply wouldn’t work.
It will be quite some time before you can start to “nip things in the bud”.
At this stage you just give her a cuddle or distract her with something more appropriate to hold.

MissMoneyFairy · 11/07/2025 16:05

I'm impressed she can sit up and that you seriously believe she's independent. Don't put cups near her or if she seems to like them give her an empty tipee to play with. It's not a tantrum.

BB36 · 11/07/2025 16:06

Did you mean to type ‘4 months’?

PinkCherryPie · 11/07/2025 16:07

Give it another 18 months minimum before you start to even think about it again.

I don't even class it as a tantrum when my 20 month old cries when I take stuff off him. He just wants what he wants, and doesn't really understand yet why he can't have it.

He is starting to get to an age now where I explain in a little more detail, but I'm certainly not doing anything to prevent him communicating and showing us his emotions. I just give him a cuddle if he wants one, and/or try to distract with boob or something else.

HedgehogOnTheBike · 11/07/2025 16:08

Baby was expressing an emotion
That's all

softlyfallsthesnow · 11/07/2025 16:16

She's been sitting independently for a few weeks did you say? Do you mean unsupported, as that's what's implied? She'd be the first 2 month old ever to do that.
Otherwise, just chill and enjoy your baby.

BBQBertha · 11/07/2025 16:18

Wow! All kinds of wrong here. A child that young is incapable of having a tantrum.

Martymcfly24 · 11/07/2025 16:22

Your four month old is sitting a few weeks and crawling backwards.

And you are worried about behavior?
You need to stop worrying and enjoy your extremely advanced child .

Tinseltotties · 11/07/2025 16:25

I did wonder if this was real or maybe if there was a typo tbf. But assuming it is real, you also can’t label a 4m old as mild and sweet. She’s 4m, you have no idea what her personality will be and you can nip anything in the bud that isn’t ‘mild’ it won’t be good for any baby but particularly we should try not to do that to female babies.