2 year old refusing withholding wee at night

[Sunflower1650]

DS is 2, 3 in September. Always been a terrible sleeper, currently on the waitlist for autism assessment. We have recently started potty training him after he was showing a lot of interest in using the toilet instead of his nappy, and so far it’s going really well in the day with hardly any accidents at all. He will wee and poo on the toilet regularly without a problem. Nighttime however, is an issue. He will go for a wee right before he gets in bed but has stopped weeing in his nappy overnight. Which would be fine, except he clearly needs a wee and is holding it in causing him to be restless and crying for the entire second part of the night, saying that his “willy hurts” or that his tummy hurts. I have tried taking him to his potty or the toilet in the night when he wakes but he gets upset and refuses, asking to go back to bed. I gently tell him to wee in his nappy, but again he won’t. Sometimes by about 4am it gets to the point where he can’t hold it anymore and wets his nappy, and after that he sleeps soundly for a bit longer. This morning however we were up for the day at 5am after being restless for hours, it was only when we came downstairs that he went for a wee on the downstairs toilet. He is very wakeful in the night usually and has sips of water when he wakes (used to be milk) and he won’t go back to sleep without the water, which is probably the reason why he needs a wee so much during the night. He’s exhausted and so am I.

Is this just something I need to ride out? With my other children they still wet their nappies at night for a few months after being potty trained in the day and I’m not sure what to do.

You could try taking him for a dream wee when you go to bed.

Or limiting the amount of water he's drinking before bed/through the night.

But otherwise I think you probably just have to wait until he either goes in his nappy or wakes up and goes to the toilet. Hopefully, he'll give in one way or the other pretty soon.

Is he responsive to reward charts/bribes? You could try rewarding a middle of the night wee in some way.

I wouldn’t encourage him to go in a nappy, that seems counterintuitive. Are you his mother? If his dad is around I’d get him to take your son to the toilet at night and they both go, saying that sometimes he needs to get up at night too.

The drinking at night could be self soothing, sone people with ADHD often drink a lot. It could be thirst though. Have you tried offering lots of nice drinks in the first few hours of the day? So things like diluted fruit juice, homemade milk shakes, homemade ice lollies or hot chocolate? Some water rich foods might help too. Then after 3 on limit his drinks, knowing that he’s had lots already.

And I would pop on over to the SN Children section too to see if any of the MNers in there have any experience

Both of my kids insist of taking water to bed too. I’d try to up fluids during the day since this can increase bladder capacity. Equally try to limit them after dinner, I wouldn’t refuse a drink but equally wouldn’t offer and do 2 wees at bedtime e.g. before and after bath to make sure he’s at least starting the night with an empty bladder. Then try a dream wee as you’re going to bed. Hopefully that will resolve the need to go overnight and he’ll sleep through.

If he is then still making a fuss in the middle of the night I’d assume it’s behavioural, he obviously understands the feeling of needing to go and has no issue with the toilet in the day and it’s more about having you up and getting the attention and tackle that accordingly. I don’t know if this would work if he’s ND but you could try putting the potty in his room (on a puppy pad in case of spills) so he can take himself and then reward him for staying in his room all night with whatever you think would motivate him- sticker chart, chocolate cereal for breakfast, whatever you think would work best…Basically give him the means to go independently then reward him for doing so. I absolutely wouldn’t be telling him to go in the nappy, that seems totally counterintuitive.