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Husband completely ignores our son and his needs

6 replies

40weeksmummy · 10/07/2025 22:32

Hi everyone,
Very long story. My son was premature baby, so lots of hard days and nights. My husband was always very supportive, we used to share childcare 50/50 when I came back to work and everything was OK.
However, for the last couple of years he (now 6 years old) developed some serious health problems which we had no idea about (breathing, Asthma, etc). Also, he was diagnosed with ADHD. Life is hard, we have bad nights when he vomits, coughing attacks,etc. So basically someone needs to stay with him .
I'm stay at home mum of 2, have a toddler too. Since the second son was born, my husband completely lost interest in our first born- doesn't want to talk, play, walk with him. Constantly angry on him (he has hyperactive ADHD and can be really challenging).
My husband has trauma from his childhood when his stepdad hated him and loved only his brother, I can clearly see my husband repeats this pattern too. Also, I believe he feels ashamed of our son, his behaviour is different from other, healthy kids in public and husband always embarrassed at park or any public place.
I am very tired and started to think that our life (me+kids) would be easier without husband....I spoke with him million times, tried to organise their time together. Nothing works. I'm tired TO ASK my husband to say "good night " for our son.
This evening I was putting toddler to bed and heard my elder son was struggling to sleep because of blocked nose. My husband was on his phone in the next room and clearly heard it, however I came back and had to give him medication, inhale him by myself.
Does anyone left their partner for this? I feel I start to hate my husband for his behaviour....

OP posts:
throweay · 11/07/2025 02:55

He either needs to change this behaviour ASAP, or you need to protect your son and leave your husband.

Finality · 11/07/2025 03:56

Only because he hasn’t always been like this, and obviously has trauma there, I would see if he is receptive to therapy. It will benefit all of you. Otherwise leave before more harm comes to your son.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 11/01/2026 22:24

Finality · 11/07/2025 03:56

Only because he hasn’t always been like this, and obviously has trauma there, I would see if he is receptive to therapy. It will benefit all of you. Otherwise leave before more harm comes to your son.

Sorry, replied to wrong post! 🙄

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SomewhatAnnoyed · 11/01/2026 22:25

throweay · 11/07/2025 02:55

He either needs to change this behaviour ASAP, or you need to protect your son and leave your husband.

If she leaves he may want 50:50 custody and OP won’t be around to protect their son 😣

Fibonacci2 · 11/01/2026 22:37

It might not be the case at all but to you mollycoddle your son? To say he can’t be left by himself at night because he has asthma isn’t normal. He has a blocked nose, that’s not an emergency. At age six surely it can’t be that hard for him take his puffer, to say ‘inhale him by myself’ sounds quite dramatic. I might be missing something more serious though, in which case I apologise.

A child with additional needs is always going to be more difficult to parent. Does he feel like you other sons needs are being neglected as his brother needs more attention? Do you try and control difficult behaviour rather than excusing it?

your husband might just be an arse but just giving a different viewpoint. (Mother of special needs kid btw)

Fibonacci2 · 11/01/2026 22:49

Also highly unlikely you’ll be able to be a stay at home mum if you divorce.

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