Drowning in the chaos

[ChaosWithACapitalC]

First post, not really looking do advice etc maybe just reassurance that I’m not the only one out there who’s drowning in the chaos.
2 kids, 15&9. Lovely kids, can’t really fault them, we’ll behaved mostly, do help around the house when asked, generally no issues with school etc.

Husband who we all adore- he can be rather clueless at times when it comes to knowing what needs doing/how to help but that’s just his personality not down to actually being lazy etc. He work’s exceptionally hard and has 2 jobs.

I work full time in a job that I enjoy, doesn’t pay well but I’m good at it, it can be full on and chaotic- juggling tasks in the time frame can be challenging but generally achievable and doesn’t overly cause me stress.

Our life is just so chaotic. There’s so much to fit in and just not enough time. I constantly feel like a failure. Everyone around me appears to have their shit together and I just don’t. I somehow manage to keep things afloat and we get by. But that’s it. We survive. At no point do I feel like we really thrive. I mean there’s lots of positives, kids achieve well, they seem happy and well rounded, we’re generally active and healthy, we have nice experiences like camping and odd days out.

However every day life is so chaotic, busy and draining and I don’t know how it can get any better.

Example of day- Mon-fri
5:15am up, coffee, physio stretches (bad back)
5:30-6:30 garage gym (weights)
6:30-7:30 get ready for work, breakfast with the kids, packed lunches
7:45 me- work husband- leaves for breakfast club drop off and work.
3:30-4:00 finish work and school run.
4:00-5:00 prepare tea, wash lunch stuff, peg washing out etc general household stuff.
5pm husband home. (Then he’s on call for fire service until 1am so can’t leave the local area/house)
5-8pm kids activities, football, 15yo has part time job he needs picking up from, swimming lessons, teatime- everyone sits down together if all at home. If no clubs etc I will try 30mins treadmill or home workout, yoga etc. Or catch up on cleaning bathroom etc. Maybe 30mins Lego, tv, or karate practice etc with 9yo.
8pm 9yo night time routine- homework/reading/shower/bedtime.
8:30- shower for me
8:45-9:30 time with 15yo- watch tv etc
9:30 all go to bed and read etc until 10pm

I am exhausted. I look like shit, I look exhausted, I’m putting weight on because I’m missing meals running here there and everywhere and then eating crap instead. I try to be organised but my life is a cluster fuck of turning up to events at the wrong time, forgetting parents evenings and constantly having to cram in events I’d forgotten about. I don’t understand how other people do it. There’s a continuous pile of laundry, clothes to peg out, washing up and pots I haven’t put away.
My husband is also knackered. He’s on call all weekend so will often be up half the night meaning he needs to catch up on sleep/rest. He can’t help with the kids events as he’s on call and then I can’t rely on him to have our 9yo incase he gets called out and then she’s home alone.

i just don’t understand how I can be anymore efficient/organised. I really do try but there’s just so many school events and emails and clubs and then we need to eat healthy and exercise and have a clean house and see friends and go for days out and work and just EVERYTHING.

anyway that’s it. Rant over. I’ll continue to rush around brushing my teeth whilst putting my trainers on, having a wee whilst booking my drs appointments and walking laps round the footy pitch to get my daily steps in 👍
Life is hard. Adulting is hard. I need a hair cut. That’s all.

You get up early for sure but you also go to bed really early so there is at least an hour there to do stuff?

your 9 year old can get ready for bed by themselves so you could tidy / sort washing upstairs during that time?

I am rarely doing nothing , I wipe all sinks and put bleach in all toilets as I go up to bed. I hoover after breakfast ( before work) put washing in the machine the night before on a timer so that can be hung out whilst they eat.

we have to be at an activity at 5.45am twice a week so those days I get more done between getting back from that and the school run, you spend an hour in the garage doing weights, I couldn’t be arsed with that, I’m wfh so walk on the treadmill whilst I read emails / documents. I wouldn’t be prioritising that over getting my life organised.

Two things that jump out at me:

(1) I don’t know anyone at our stage of life getting up at 5:15am to exercise or exercising twice a day. Dh and I do exercise. We do it at lunchtime, after work while one of the kids is at a class, or on the weekends.

(2) This on call with the fire service thing, is that your dh’s job or a volunteer thing? If it’s volunteer, it needs to go on the back burner for a couple years. Working FT then being on call til 1am and then on the weekends means everything is lumped to you. On the contrary, my Dh is home and doing stuff with the kids several afternoons a week, doing half if not most of the driving to activities after school and evenings, and around all weekend to do anything that needs doing too. If I was doing it all myself, I’d be exhausted too.

When my kids were those ages I was fucking exhausted as well.

Ime the families that are thriving have money to throw at cleaners etc.

does look like you are doing a LOT.

I don’t really do the morning gym for enjoyment- it’s my husbands hobby. I just get up and do it because otherwise I feel like we wouldn’t see each other all week and I know it’s good exercise. Fire service is for extra cash- we’re both in low paid jobs and it’s something he wanted to do to one day change careers, it takes 3 years to fully qualify. The extra money allows for days out a cheap family holiday once a year.

I’ll definitely think about knocking the morning gym on the head to give me an extra hour to get things organised.

You don’t need to do weights for an hour every day. Have an extra hour in bed.

How many days do your children have activities? There’s no need to keep them thus busy.

Chill

Can the kids have school dinners?
Can you afford a cleaner (every other week, even?)
I also have to get up 5/5 30 and am shattered ready for bed by 9 30/10

Will it get a bit easier when the youngest goes to secondary school then they can both make their own way there and back removing you from school pick ups? I remember my Mum used to make me walk so she could have a lie in and now I'm older I don't blame her 😅

I’m also on Team Chill. Life’s what you make it.