I am having a really hard time communicating with my ex on this topic, and most topics tbf. My daughter is 8, she just learnt about our split almost a year ago now. We split 05/24 after a 9 year relationship and he was in a new one the next month. Despite being in a new relationship he refused to move out of our rental property until just March this year, so 4 months ago. We made agreements early on that it should be a year before any new partners would be introduced to give child time to adjust to separation and relationships should be at least 6 months before any intros. I did not expect to have to live with him for another 7 months after. He is now twisting the narrative and stating the wait of one year was the relationship length and he has waited a year, no concerns for her emotional readiness or that this is still so fresh for her. Doesn't seem to understand that they are two totally separate things.
So we're now 4 months living separate and I just learnt through daughter that for their upcoming holiday in November that her dad's 'friend' would be sharing a room with them. I was not informed about this when I agreed to holiday. I have expressed my concerns that even intros are a bit soon since he only recently moved out and she is still adjusting to that and the possibility that the cohabiting may have caused confusion that there was hope for the relationship to rekindle. I've asked that initial intros should be delayed. She's started with a play therapist and I've asked that he at least waits a few weeks to see where she is at emotionally based on professional feedback. He is refusing to await feedback on her readiness and is in a huge rush to introduce. I'm guessing this is because deep down he knows the therapist will say it's too soon and will play dumb when she confirms that and say 'well it's too late now'. He has mentioned that between now and November he will 'slowly' introduce with small playdates and overnight stays in a campervan (essentially sharing the one room). I am not in anyway comfortable about even planning for overnight stays or holidays when the child has not even met partner and we have no idea how she will react. And I think it is far too soon and incredibly inappropriate to be sharing a bedroom with her dad and his partner. I've let him know I am not in agreement to the holiday with the gf joining, I feel like he's using the holiday as a way to emotionally bribe her with this exciting trip and slipping the gf in there in the process. I don't want to have to pull the plug on it because she is really excited because her cousins are going. I just can't understand why he couldn't just enjoy this time with her without adding this discomfort. The new partner will be another big adjustment in a short time, which is more reason for why it should just be her and her dad enjoying this quality time. He is totally disregarding my concerns and just responds with personal attacks - instead I'm jealous, insecure, petty ect. I've never been more happy and content in my life since I left him. To him the topic is not up for discussion and he thinks he can work away without my agreement, which obviously is not the case when it comes to travel abroad.
Apologies on the lengthyyyyy post. But I'm interested to hearing thoughts on the introduction timeline and the shared sleeping arrangements, I want to ensure I am being reasonable and I'm willing to be challenged on it because I want to do what's best for her.
Oh and to add, this man is a social care professional who has studied child development!