DS is 11 and very disappointed with SATS

[zeddybrek]

He's finished primary school and has worked very hard for the SATs. We made it clear at home that we expect him to try hard but it's more important for the schools. As a former teacher my personal opinion is that the schools put a lot of pressure on the kids so we tried to balance it at home. Saying lots of encouraging things and keeping it supportive and light to offset the pressures of school.

He has done exceptionally well. He got 119/120 in reading for example.

He read his results and started crying. He won't talk to me and I am shocked at his response. We know he has high expectations of himself and that's great self drive. However, today I felt this response was unhealthy and we need help. He excels in other areas too such as piano so wanting to do well is just him I guess. We don't put pressure on him at home although now I'm doubting myself, have I been saying the wrong things... I am riddled with guilt as to why my son can't celebrate his success. Please be kind I am feeling upset and have been putting on a brave face and have no one in RL to talk to as they will think I'm bragging. Should I find a child therapist to talk to him directly to find out what's driving this behaviour? Or any books, people I could contact for support? Thank you

Is it about the term ‘achieved standard’ on the score sheet?

DD was expecting it to say Greater Depth so thought her scores were ‘just’ average as opposed to actually being really good.

The pressure the schools put on them to beget high scores is ridiculous, we reiterated on many occasions that the scores meant nothing and they were just about benchmarking the school, but no matter how much we repeated ourselves the message from school was that they must all achieve high scores.

I think if he has very high scores but is very upset then perhaps he does need some help.

As a former teacher you will be able to tell him they mean fuck all and are a measure of his school not him.

When was it?

Assuming today, he’s 11. He will probably have forgotten about it in a few days.

I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, distract him with other things since it’s nearly the summer holidays.

I think you should talk to his teacher.
This doesn't sound right for him to be upset.
The way the results are given is very confusing and he may not understand them (most parents don't).
Does he really think 119 out of 120 is bad? Why? Where has he got that idea?
Has something been a bit "lost in translation" to him.

Your reaction to him being upset will make all the difference. Don't make too big a deal out of it. Tell him it's a great result and you are proud of him then just leave it. Act like it doesn't matter...because it doesn't. If you start getting therapists and talking to him about it all the time it will validate his view that this is indeed very important and therefore significant that he hasn't achieved top marks.

If his marks are all similar to the reading, he has done exceptionally well, and it's worth digging into why he is upset - has he misread something on the sheet?

It might also be worth preparing him over the summer (not right niw!) for secondary - as full marks arent expected, even from highly performing students.

Is he worrying that he missed a mark, because he was expecting 100%?

My eldest was exactly the same, and was always very hard to parent as a result. I think that some of the drive was from pressure from my ex (his father), but he was always driven, since he was tiny.

Counselling helped, as did choosing a nurturing secondary school.

It would help to know what the score was that upset him - is he wanting perfect results and is upset because he's close to but not at 100%? Or is he secretly comparing himself to a friend?

It is really hard - I've seen a child running from a class in tears as she was a middle achiever and every one of the many, many practice papers the school did as prep in Year 6 hammered home to her that she'd never be a top achiever. I often think of her and what those papers did to her confidence.

SATS are a test of the teacher and school.

I told my kids to ignore them as they meant nothing.

Both graduates now with good degrees.

You’re right, the schools really do put so much pressure on them. My daughter got hers yesterday- the teachers told them all as a collective the individual scores & sent an email out saying how they’ve all been told and don’t have time to individually tell the pupils or parents as they are planning lots of ‘fun activities’ instead.

We’ve had tears as she ‘failed’ maths (2 marks off the apparent pass) and just scraped a pass on one of the English but GD for spag. They should just scrap them - they are to test the schools, not the students yet we have so much focus and it dominates most of Y6!

Thank you so much everyone for the thoughtful replies. I'm torn between getting therapy because I'm in panic mode in my head in case this becomes a bigger problem. I'm wondering if his inner voice is highly critical. Where that has come from, absolutely no idea.

But then being upbeat, praise and carrying on as if it's not a big deal, because it isn't also sounds like a good option.

I have been full of praise and how delighted I am. How can we celebrate his success etc but not in an OTT way. Just like any other achievement.

I have been as normal and ok as possible but I will be very upset going to bed.

To those that asked, yes he's ok year 6 and 11 years old. He got 119, 118 and 115. He worked so hard and I'm so pleased it paid off, if only he could see it that way.

These grades are unbelievable!! Perhaps he is experiencing anti climax. My child was also dissatisfied with their grades and tearful on this day last year. I was horrified like you, and felt they had done well. We celebrated anyway, saying how well they had done and being positive. It took a few while but once they started secondary they got over it and it’s water under they bridge now as they finish year 7, hopefully it’s all character building!

Thank you for sharing your experiences, big emotions for little people. It could be any of the above really including an anti climax after such a pressurised period. I need to sleep on it and discuss with his teacher discreetly. He seems to be focused on the scaled results so he says 119 out of 120 is not great because in the raw data he got 6 marks wrong (or something like that). It's such a negative outlook for my usually upbeat son. I wish they would just scrap them, that and Ofsted. So much pressure on teachers and children.

Thank you again for taking the tike to reply.

Would he react better to the scores as a percentage rather than raw marks?

When I did my sats (I think it was 2008) I got straight 5's (the highest I'm pretty sure) I left secondary school with 3 GCSEs (terrible terrible homelife and just gave up caring). Ended up studying at uni and getting a first in my degree 4 years ago.

Honestly reassure him the grades don't mean too much and there's always a way to recover. He should be so proud of himself & maybe you're right about therapy/MH support as he may need it through secondary.

Ah, sounds like an issue with perfectionism to me - very common in very bright sparks. Been there.

119 in reading means he got 47 marks out of 50. If the 118 is maths, he dropped only 3 marks out of 110 and if it's SPAG he got 63 out of 70. For the 115, he got 60/70 if that's the SPAG scaled score and 104/110 if it's maths.

These are all objectively bloody good results. My guess is he is being glass half full about it and fixating on (few) marks he lost. Don't panic but slowly and gently do things to work on building his resilience and perspective, without making a thing of it. At this age and stage the dropped marks will likely be "silly mistakes" but at some point he will will meet work that genuinely stretches and challenges him, and this can be a problem if he hasn't internalised by then that making mistakes is OK and allows thinking to happen. Been there myself!

My bright spark got 118, 116 and 115 - he also immediately googled to find out his raw scores, but the difference is that he focussed on how many marks he got (or in maths, that he "only" dropped 3 in total), and he's absolutely made up. However, he's dyslexic as well as very bright so has worked through challenges and build resilience that way. It's harder when everything's so far come relatively easily.

Does he have a hobby that he enjoys but isn't a natural at, where he can build his confidence and resilience around not always being perfect, and learn to see the glass as half full?

My son is the same, it’s not your fault. He is a perfectionist. Like his Dad. But I have barely ever mentioned SATs nor has his Dad so go easy on yourself, it is just the way he is. I wish they hadn’t told us the results and am not sure why they did. In my view, schools hype the kids up about them a bit needlessly.

Anyway. My son has always been like this. Therapy may help but in the meantime I try to encourage mine to do lots of activities he will be both good and average at so he gets used to not always ‘winning’. Also mention it to your student support person at secondary.

Those are absolutely fantastic scores, and I understand exactly why you are concerned about his reaction when he should be so proud. When he gets to secondary school in September he will need to adjust his idea of what an excellent score is - eg in AQA biology GCSE 66% was a grade 9 a couple of years ago!! He's obviously very bright - perhaps it might help for him to hear about those sort of grade boundaries so he understands that getting less than 100% is absolutely not a failure?