13 month old DD won't eat

[ExpectantEs]

Hi,

I'm feeling really down today as I've just seen yet another video of a baby online absolutely smashing a plate of food.

My DD won't eat anything. When she was 6 months old I was so excited to give her purées, she never opened her mouth. I then did baby led weaning in which she would probably eat 1 mouthful or maybe 3 grains of rice but that's all. I BF for 10 months and stopped because I thought it was that. Switched to formula and it's the same behaviour. If I try and bring the food to her lips they are tightly shut.

She currently has 4 or 5 bottles a day and I am reluctant to reduce her feeds because I don't want her to be hungry.
However an hour before her next feed is due, that's when I offer food or even a snack and she's not interested.

Sometimes she might eat a wafer snack. Today she had some cucumber but took a bite off and spat the rest out.

I don't think she has an issue with swallowing.

What should I do?? Do I reduce her bottles and keep offering food? I'm so scared that she will be hungry.

Should I contact the GP and do food therapy?

Did anyone else's DCs begin like this and end up okay? Is she going to be on formula forever? Isn't that bad for their teeth? I also am worried to switch to cows milk because I don't think it has all the additional nutrients that formula has. She is also still on Aptamil 1 because I read that follow up milk has even more calories and I don't want her to be fuller.

Please help!

Is she not eating at all?

I would make a GP appointment and keep a food dairy of what exactly she eat including milk for at least 3 days.

What are you trying to feed her?

Mine resisted eating anything other than totally pureed food for a long time.

If she’s consistently having 5 formula bottles a day then she isn’t hungry.

Does she watch you eat? Do you sit opposite her and eat? What meals are you preparing for her?

Less formula.
Why don’t you want her to be hungry. I only eat when I’m hungry.
She needs to feel some hunger in order to be tempted to try other things.
It might be more complicated than that but I’d start there.
Cut down the bottles. Always food first. Bottles second.

DD was like that - really really didn't want to wean, would vomit if I got anything in her mouth (including, memorably, plain yoghurt). We saw a paediatric dietitian when she was 15 months, who recommended chicken nuggets and chocolate buttons (genuinely).

DD (now 12) eats a restricted but healthy diet; I suspect she's on the borders of arfid. She is not neurodivergent, so other than eating out/away/with friends being a pain (I'm currently in negotiation with school for a residential), she's doing fine. Happy to answer more questions.

@Dontwanttobeanebsnamum the food diary would only have formula on it and the tiniest bit of food. I think I will make a GP appointment.

@MidnightPatrol purees are a no go. She much rather eat bits of pasta, rice, potatoes, sometimes carrots - all in meal forms. She doesn't like finger foods and has never attempted to take a bite of toast if I put it infront of her. Tried to make pancakes, she's just not interested.

@Mrsttcno1 I eat the same food as her, infront of her every time I offer her something. I try to exaggerate the movements of my mouth and make enjoyment sounds. She just scatters everything around.

@Smartiepants79 I want her to be slightly hungry which is why I wait before her next feed to offer her food. However maybe I should reduce the feeds like what you said? I'll try anything at this point

@whoateallthecookies I'm happy you can relate with what I'm going through. It's so frustrating. As you've already gone to a paediatrician, maybe I will go down that route. I've tried chicken goujons before, and she still wasn't interested. However maybe I'll buy nuggets before getting a GP appointment. What else did the doctor suggest to help?

Sometimes DD eats yoghurt but only on some days. She doesn't ever gag or vomit but she just doesn't want it.

I'm glad your DD eats now, and can understand the suspected arfid. I feel like my DD doesn't like the texture of things in her mouth. She always looks displeased.

Maybe it would help to wait until the time that the next feed is due instead of an hour before? And start the day with water and breakfast or a smaller cup of milk instead of a full bottle. It's promising that she's happy to try things, I wouldn't panic just yet. If that doesn't help after a week or so maybe give your HV a ring.

I would drop the feeds- by 13 months really you’d just be giving cows milk.

My daughter is 15 months now and I would say compared to some I definitely did weaning the easy way in that she has always just had whatever we are eating just of course prepared in a safe way for her age etc. We all sit and eat together for every meal but I don’t put any pressure on it. There have been times she’s has nothing and just decorated my dining room with her meal and that’s okay- all part of learning to eat. We just let it go and offer a snack a little while later. If I was you I’d be doing that rather than offering a bottle.

My now 16 year old son was very like this. His weight was always ok and the Health Visitor invited herself to lunch to watch him eat because I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me when I said that at 16/171/18 months he would often only eat half a banana and a fromage frais a day!
I tried everything. Offering every meal (mainly swept into the floor to be eaten by the dog) and trying not to worry when it wasn’t eaten. Not giving snacks at all only meals, giving snacks at any time in desperation - didn’t make any difference. He barely ate. He didn’t really like anything after I stopped (entirely) BF at a year old. Never saw it coming as he was a great feeder. I worried and agonised over it for such a long time. It was awful.
HV ended up referring him to the paed dietitian as he was not underweight but quite small in stature. They gave him Paediasure supplement to up his calories and encouraged me to make his food high calorie. Nothing happened!

Long story (sorry) short, it was a bit of a slow process but by the time he was 7/8 he would eat pretty well. Now he eats everything.

Maybe get checked out by GP but try not to worry too much. You know what the BLWs say ‘food is for fun until they are one’. Hopefully, she’ll drop the milk and increase the food soon.

One of my four children was like this. The other three had what you would call "normal" appetites

DS had breastmilk for a very long time, and ate sparingly.

He's now 37 and has a diagnosis of ARFID and autism. He only eats Huel these days. He's remarkably healthy and has a full-time job.

Just to clarify, we were referred to the dietitian (a paediatric dietitian, but not a peadiatrition) by our health visitor.

I don't know if your DD even tried the goujons, but the meat in them is more intact than nuggets - I think goujons are usually made from strips of meat, whereas nuggets are made from minced meat, so the texture is different, and for my DD at least, texture is everything. Though she will now eat goujons as well.

You really do want to keep a food diary - I've seen plenty of threads on here titled 'my child doesn't eat anything' when they in fact eat rather more than DD does now, let alone when she was under 3. I recall one entry in our food diary which had for the day '1/4 of a cracker and 5 cheerios' - I'd actually counted them. That was the sum total of the solids she ate that day, alongside lots of milk.

What reduced my stress levels was realising that formula is pretty complete nutritionally. You do need to use toddler formula, as it has more iron in it than formula from birth does, and by this point your DD needs it. My DD was getting all the nutrition she needed; she just needed to learn to eat (an ongoing process)

@UnbeatenMum yes I saw another old thread that someone going through something similar watered down their DC feeds. Thanks will try this for a few days

@Mrsttcno1 yes this sounds sort of similar to my approach. I sort of give her my meals but in a baby friendly version. Could I please ask what a day in your babies eating looks like?

I want to go to cows milk but she's not fully weaned with food so not sure how she will get the other nutrients.

I agree with @UnbeatenMum that it's worth trying food THEN milk, at least at certain times of day, to see what happens. There are also ways to make what they will eat more nutritious/fattening like adding peanut butter to porridge, mashed potato with avocado etc.

@MarshmallowValentine I resonate so much with your response, thank you. I feel like I've tried most things, she just refuses to wean.

I relate to you, even down to the stopping breastfeeding to encourage food. I would've l kept breastfeeding if she was eating. It makes me a little sad that I only stopped because of this. And then no result.

What happened between ages 1-7?? Did you stop milk, did he eat anything? I'm so intrigued!!

I'm just hoping that one day it will just 'click' but I've been waiting for it to click for 7 months and no progress.

Try breakfast first thing in the morning instead of milk - my LO liked weetabix, or home made oaty bars or fruit / yogurt. She might try eating as she will be really hungry after overnight. Like a PP said, always offer food first at the usual bottle times, hopefully she will start to get hungry enough to try things!
You can switch to cow's milk now - we were advised not to use follow on milk but maybe check with your GP or HV.
Not sure about the earlier advice to try chicken nuggets or chocolate buttons though...
Look at Charlotte Sterling-Reed's blog, she has lots of useful advice about weaning.

So today as an example she has had:

Breakfast: Weetabix with some strawberries & blueberries, she has a cup of cows milk with her breakfast

Morning snack: A soreen & a banana

Lunch: Beef stir fry & rice (this was dinner last night and made extra for us both to have for lunch today), she had hers with some extra cucumber slices as it was warm and had a yoghurt afterwards.

Afternoon snack: Cheese & crackers with some grapes, also had an ice lolly outside as it’s been really warm today

Dinner: Chicken Fajitas & wedges, she had hers with a little side of peas & carrots too as she loves that and she has a flapjack to finish off

Cup of warm milk before bed.

All of the main meals are just what my husband & I have eaten so they change every day but the snacks are typically fruit/cheese/yoghurt/sweet/toast/sometimes crisps just depending on what we buy in. From 12 months she has only had 2 cups of cows milk each day- with breakfast & after dinner, to meet the ml requirements but I did notice a huge difference in her appetite when we cut the milk feeds. If you think a 1 year old needs roughly 1000 calories a day,
your daughter is potentially getting that from 5 bottles alone so doesn’t want anything else.

@shardlakem thank you - will try and offer food first. She didn't like weetabix and didn't open her mouth but I will persevere

@Mrsttcno1 thank you so much for your breakdown. Sounds like your DC eats lovely meals. Another question - how was your transition into drinking milk from a cup?? I'm considering replacing the bottles with a cup of formula instead and maybe that will help

You can buy pouches that you can fill yourself and reuse, perhaps she will eat pureed food if she can still suck to get it in a similar mechanism to a bottle? Perhaps milk with baby rice first gradually to thicken texture then move to some watery purees? Sweet things before savoury as breast milk and formula are quite sweet so porridge, apple puree, carrot etx. Just to get rhe calories in her and hopefully get her to enjoy the taste and she then may take to other feeding techniques.

An infant not following the textbook weaning ideal is maddening and exhausting, my son was tricky though not as difficult as you have it and I remember the frustration and worry so well.

@ExpectantEs So hard for you. Reading your struggles brought it all back to me, despite it being 15 years ago!

I was so traumatized at the thought of weaning DSNo2 that I put it off until he was 7.5 months (bad of me) as I just couldn't face the stress again so soon. When I eventually did wean him, I did BLW as I had pureed for his brother and I just didn't want anything to be the same! I need not have worried, little brother was a great eater from the get-go, and I'm sure that he would have eaten pureed food with just as much gusto. Different kids! Didn't stop me worrying though.

There was't a lightbulb moment, or a sudden improvement, he just got a little bit better at eating (really quite small portions of) different foods over time. He still didn't eat pasta or rice until he was 7, which meant not many quick and easy family dinners - it was all meat and two veg!

Things that helped were; trying not to be consumed by how much/if he'd eaten at every meal (hard!), not comparing him to his peers in terms of apetite and variety of foods and embracing letting him eat whatever he'd have - no healthy avocado on toast etc for us - there were kiddy crisps, biscuits, lots of breadsticks and hummus (thank God for hummus), beige food and fromage frais (full of sugar!).

Also, nursery helped. When he started a few sessions a week of a nursery where they cooked a two-course hot lunch he seemed to eat more/more variety. I was delighted (and frustrated) when they said 'oh he's eaten all his cottage pie and rice pudding today' - he never ate that for me! I think eating in a group was good for him, he joined in. Also being supervised by staff that didn't overthink/stress about what/how much he ate was probably helpful - I tried not to worry about consumption but the reality is that I did and maybe he sensed that?

I hope things come right for you, lots of times they do without leading to diagnoses of ARFID/restrictive eating. If it helps, my now 16 year old poor eater and I had Sushi for dinner!