Play dates v playing out

[Chara123]

I love a busy house. My 11 year old son regulary has 6 or more friends over at a time. They all make themselves at home, help themselves to the fridge, charge their phones, sit and tell me about their days and anything bothering them. But are all respectful and well behaved.

I always keep in contact with parents by message and let them know their children are here, leaving or to arrange pick up, Apart from the few who prefer not to engage.

My child has no intrest with playing out, going round friends houses or having freedom, he's a home child and I'm more than happy with this. He attends lots of out of school activities so isn't always at home.

But I'm worried he may start to be left behind at secondary school as his friends may no longer want to come over as much and prefer to be out and will miss out (most of my favourite and not so favourite 🤦‍♂️ teenage memories were spent out with friends)

Would you encourage more freedom?

Anyone simular as that age and regretted it?

I know i may be a mum stressing over nothing

What you have sounds perfect.

May it last long into the teenage years for you.

It was good knowing that my dc were comfortable enough to share their home with their friends - I hope it remains the same for you. But that will depend on many things once they are in secondary school.

I am also the house that everyone likes to hang out in. I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible.

I think that’s fine. My experience in secondary school is that they like going to friends’ houses rather than ‘playing’. They’ll go to the park and sit, but would much rather just hang out somewhere. It’s ideal to be the hang out house.

A house that welcomes everyone is exactly what the teens love!!! Lots of snacks and a place to chill is what they want.
I really wouldnt worry your house sounds like the place to be and hopefully it will continue.

My house was the house when i was a kid, if anything my friends came over more as I got older even when we were clubbing age my house was the one to get ready at so dont worry! just hope your son doesnt drive you mad with sleepovers like i did to my parents… my dad hated sleepovers hed regularly come in at 3am telling us to shut up 😂 and theyd still all come back the following week!
its also the same with my youngest, all his friends come to ours he does play out but soon as it starts to rain they ask to come to our house 😆

My child has no intrest with playing out, going round friends houses or having freedom, he's a home child and I'm more than happy with this. He attends lots of out of school activities so isn't always at home.

But I'm worried he may start to be left behind at secondary school as his friends may no longer want to come over as much and prefer to be out and will miss out (most of my favourite and not so favourite 🤦‍♂️ teenage memories were spent out with friends)

You seem to worry that his friends will somehow outgrow him in terms of wanting more independence - why do you think this? Isn't he just as likely to grow with them and want that himself?

If you provide snacks and a place to chill they will continue to be happy to hang out at yours for many years. Going out is expensive and pubs require ID. Parks are good in the summer but not when the weather turns.

We are defiantly the sleep over house aswell, living room full of mattress' and quilts every weekend as its apparently better than using the bedroom?

My OH just quietly accepts it and luckily can sleep through anything.

No you are right he may change, but as a mum its our job to worry, isnt it?

My son is autistic will a need for routine, going to someone else's house or playing out causes issues for him unfortunately, but this may change. He also has separation anxiety, he won't even go to family members houses alone for long periods, although he's super close with them all and loves spending time with them And will openly say he feels totally safe with them, so doesn't understand why.

I'm secretly hoping all of his friends continue to make our home the go to place

@Chara123 It makes more sense to know that he is autistic - that's massively relevant!!

I agree with PP that all you can do really is keep providing what you provide and hopefully they will still want to hang out there.

Teenage friendships are sort of out of our control as parents though.

Is he going up to a different school this year? If so, he may make new friends there to invite over as well.

Not all teenagers want to go out all the time, but it is normal for friendships to grow, change and sometimes go separate ways as they get older. That's not necessarily going to be anything to do with his autism or where they are hanging out - it's the natural way things go when kids reach this sort of age.

Of course, some do keep in touch with primary school friends - it just depends on the kids.

It's probably a good idea to try and encourage him with meeting new people and growing his social circle a bit - that doesn't have to mean going out all the time but realistically it's unlikely that these friends will be his friends for his whole life.

I would be lead by him.