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Parenting

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Speech delay in 3 year old

54 replies

K2012 · 08/07/2025 18:03

Hello everyone

I’m writing here because I need some advice. I will start by saying this is stressing me a lot.

My first born son just turned 3 and still can’t talk. He can say words but not sentences. He understands everything you say to him but can’t talk. He was referred to SALT when he was 2 but wasn’t seen untill March this year. The SALT therapist gave us some exercises to do with him (mainly cutting down on iPad, start reading to him and talk to him in short sentences) which we do but there’s still no progress. We bought lots of books, puzzles etc. but he still can’t talk. He goes to nursery twice a week. The therapist said she wasn’t overly concerned and said she’ll see him again in September.

I also don’t know how to potty train him when he can’t talk. I bought a toilet seat and one of those small toilets and took him to the toilet many times and he understands a little that he needs to wee in the toilet but there was just wee everywhere which I expected and after a few days I gave up.

Speech delay in a 3 year old what can I do? Is it worth paying for a private SALT therapist? I think they’re at least £50 an hour.

It’s stressing me quite a lot especially when I see kids younger than him talking and he still can’t talk. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
ToDuk · 08/07/2025 18:05

Has he had his hearing checked? Whenever there is a post like this I always think the first thing to do is get an audiology appointment.

People resist it because they are sure their child can hear, when actually a child could be hearing a lot but still be missing key sounds.

Always worth a check.

K2012 · 08/07/2025 18:11

@ToDuk Thank you for your reply. No he has not had his hearing checked only when he was newborn and it was checked at the hospital.

OP posts:
Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 08/07/2025 18:12

YY, to hearing check.

Do you think he understand what you say, know the difference between wet and dry and can he say or sign potty then you can potty train?

Try reading the ‘oh shit’ potty training book but ignore the stuff about having left it too late and her stance on night time training. Get a potty rather than straight to toilet.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dontwanttobeanebsnamum · 08/07/2025 18:13

Crossed posted. SALT should have recommended it. You need to ask your GP for a referal to audiology.

upandleftthenright · 08/07/2025 18:38

I found the Hanen Centre website helpful. I had to buy the book off eBay but it gave good practical advice. My DD had 150 words at age 3 and only put two together. All came together at primary school with slight regression and stuttering oddly at age six. At university now and a chatterbox! Fluent and fine. Sounds like your child has comprehension and that’s the important part as the expressive part hasn’t kicked in yet. The brain (computer) is fine but the voice (printer) isn’t fully working yet. The brain has tremendous plasticity to still form and connect. Try and find the books, they’re great. Good luck and I understand your worry.

oh, I did go private for six weeks and it helped a lot with games etc

ToDuk · 08/07/2025 22:10

K2012 · 08/07/2025 18:11

@ToDuk Thank you for your reply. No he has not had his hearing checked only when he was newborn and it was checked at the hospital.

Please do go to the GP and ask for a referral. I am a Teacher of the Deaf. I've come across so many children who missed being diagnosed and it was only discovered when they didn't have age appropriate speech. It may not be the issue but it is easily ruled out.

cestlavielife · 08/07/2025 22:13

You don't need to talk to toilet train
Teach the makaton signs for toilet.
If he can say words he can say or sign something with means toilet

Is he on a level.in other areas or delayed in understanding as well?

Bitzee · 08/07/2025 22:23

YY to a hearing check. I don’t think he needs a lot of language to potty train, saying potty would be fine, even signing it rather than saying it would work. DS trained before 2 and wasn’t speaking in full sentences then. Wee everywhere for the first few days is also very normal! DS actually also has a speech delay (not a language delay, just trouble with certain sounds) and private speech therapy has been so good. We do it weekly and should be signed off by the time he starts reception. It’s not cheap though, over £100 for a 45 minute session. But invaluable if you can afford it.

Allswellthatendswelll · 08/07/2025 23:00

Hearing test! He might well have glue ear.

I toilet trained DS at 3 and a half and he couldn't say much (he's talking quite a bit more now at 4 but has had 2 sets of grommets). It was fine. You could always use visuals or maketon if they can't say wee or poo. DS would just take himself off! He understood everything as well.

HairySandwiches · 09/07/2025 00:56

I have a 5 year old with a speech delay. So I’m going to concentrate on the speech delay rather than the potty training as I think that’s been covered above.

I agree with everyone above - 1st stop is a hearing check.

You are already under a speech therapist - this is good, trust them. They know what they are doing. It will take time. Years in fact.

Learn some makaron
https://www.makaton.org
There's also loads of useful people on YouTube just search “How to sign X in makaton”.
If you pick out the most needed signs and use them all the time (and I mean ALL the time) your DC will pick up on this and start copying/using them to communicate.
Makaton does not delay speech further, but assists with essential communication. It can encourage communication as well as they feel like they are involved/achieving/first steps in communicating.

Model correct speech all the time, making sure to try and correctly pronounce everything including the word endings (which was difficult for me due to a habit of my accent).

Don’t second guess what your child is trying to say and don’t talk for them (unless absolutely necessary). Accept head nods and shakes and points and ask questions that only require those types of responses. Once this is fluent/confident build on this by adding in choices and making use of the makaron signs they know. Gradually you build up the complexity of the questions you ask.

Pictures are a wonderful thing. This was something we started at around age 4 (and was actually an something that came about after joining the Squirrel Scouts). Have pictures of what they have done in the day (general ones you can find on the internet are fine covering things like reading a book, playing a game, eating etc). Get your child to find the picture and put them in order for the day and then get them to talk through it picture by picture. You have to ask a lot of questions and give options - no open ended questions to start with. It also takes a lot of time, but it’s worth it. This has been a game changer for us.

I mentioned the Squirrel Scouts - this has been the biggest game changer. This is about mixing with similar aged children in an environment where there is no pressure to speak. Suddenly the speech has started to come. Can you find something similar? It doesn’t have to be the Squirrel Scouts, but something where there is low pressure, fun, similar aged kids and actions are rewarded rather than talking.

Read, read and read some more. And talk all the time, narrate your day. Ask your child questions as you normally would and wait as if expecting an answer when it’s their turn, if they don’t say anything after 5-10 seconds just carry on with the next part of the conversation and one day they might suddenly say something in the gaps.

Ask questions to the teddy bear e.g. Hello teddy bear, I wonder how Fred’s day went? Or, I’m not too sure what Fred wants for a drink, do you know teddy bear? This can encourage them to laugh at you and suddenly give an answer.

When they do speak. Don’t act surprised or shocked or give any indication they have done something unusual. This feels really strange. But just carry on as if it’s the most normal thing in the world that they have just done.

Lastly, don’t reward/punish the speech. I.e don’t say things like - You can’t have a biscuit unless you say X. This is counter productive and encourages silence. The other way, - I will give you a sicker for every word you say today. This only internalises that speech gets things and when you stop giving things the speaking stops.

Feel like I’ve bombarded you there, but hopefully some of that is useful to you.

PaxAeterna · 09/07/2025 01:13

100% on the hearing check. I also paid privately for my youngest to go to speech therapy. It is worth it, the younger the better, I think. I wouldn’t be waiting around.

1AngelicFruitCake · 09/07/2025 05:39

Do you ask him things and wait for an answer? I’ve come across parents who don’t realise how much they speak for their child or let them point instead of speak.
Can he make speech sounds clearly?

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 05:54

Bitzee · 08/07/2025 22:23

YY to a hearing check. I don’t think he needs a lot of language to potty train, saying potty would be fine, even signing it rather than saying it would work. DS trained before 2 and wasn’t speaking in full sentences then. Wee everywhere for the first few days is also very normal! DS actually also has a speech delay (not a language delay, just trouble with certain sounds) and private speech therapy has been so good. We do it weekly and should be signed off by the time he starts reception. It’s not cheap though, over £100 for a 45 minute session. But invaluable if you can afford it.

Hope you don’t mind me jumping in. My just turned 4yo has a lot of trouble with pronouncing certain sounds (but it’s quite a few of them, which can make him hard to understand sometimes). He’s seen a private SALT and an NHS one. They both had quite a passive approach (modelling good pronunciation, repeating words back etc) which I am sure helps but he doesn’t seem to be improving (or at least not very quickly). He is young for his year and starts school in sept so I’m worried about his confidence to participate if others struggle to understand him.

Has your SALT given more active intervention than I’ve described?

ToDuk · 09/07/2025 06:47

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 05:54

Hope you don’t mind me jumping in. My just turned 4yo has a lot of trouble with pronouncing certain sounds (but it’s quite a few of them, which can make him hard to understand sometimes). He’s seen a private SALT and an NHS one. They both had quite a passive approach (modelling good pronunciation, repeating words back etc) which I am sure helps but he doesn’t seem to be improving (or at least not very quickly). He is young for his year and starts school in sept so I’m worried about his confidence to participate if others struggle to understand him.

Has your SALT given more active intervention than I’ve described?

Our SALT did for one of my own children, and also the SALTs I work with do more than this.
One of the key things that worked for us and that I've seen at work is minimal pairs. Lots of games finding minimal pairs and having to first listen and identify words with different initial sounds and then saying them. Depending on the target sounds it could be pairs like sun and bun, sit and mitt, sand and hand.

PrincessOfPreschool · 09/07/2025 06:55

I work with this age and it's increasingly common. We have several who are hardly speaking at 3 but speaking more at 4, still not sentences. One of them has a parent that doesn't really speak to them (she's constantly on her phone) bit the others have great parents. They ALL (apart from one, who is autistic) have good understanding, and communicate in different ways. They all potty trained by 4, most by 3 and 8 months, one was just 2. Some take to potty training quicker than others. He doesn't need to talk to tell you he needs the loo. A lot just point to their crotch or hold themselves and we take them. Just persevere with that, maybe when he's 3 and a half and put him on regularly.

Your need to persevere and it will probably come a bit later. Have lots of conversations with him. I wouldn't bother with private speech. It's v v expensive and it won't speed things up. It just takes a long time but slowly and surely he will get there. I'm sure they've given you good advice so keep going with it.

In terms of potty, how long did you try? He maybe needs a break but if you tried only for a couple of weeks, I would keep going for a couple of weeks and also ask his nursery what they think. They should have plenty of experience. They can't potty train for you but they can advise.

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 07:20

ToDuk · 09/07/2025 06:47

Our SALT did for one of my own children, and also the SALTs I work with do more than this.
One of the key things that worked for us and that I've seen at work is minimal pairs. Lots of games finding minimal pairs and having to first listen and identify words with different initial sounds and then saying them. Depending on the target sounds it could be pairs like sun and bun, sit and mitt, sand and hand.

Thank you 🙏

Bitzee · 09/07/2025 07:57

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 05:54

Hope you don’t mind me jumping in. My just turned 4yo has a lot of trouble with pronouncing certain sounds (but it’s quite a few of them, which can make him hard to understand sometimes). He’s seen a private SALT and an NHS one. They both had quite a passive approach (modelling good pronunciation, repeating words back etc) which I am sure helps but he doesn’t seem to be improving (or at least not very quickly). He is young for his year and starts school in sept so I’m worried about his confidence to participate if others struggle to understand him.

Has your SALT given more active intervention than I’ve described?

That was exactly my worry too- that others struggle to understand him and he’ll struggle to join in. We see a PROMPT therapist so she’s very hands on and it’s been transformative. Would really recommend.

K2012 · 09/07/2025 08:02

Thank you so much everyone for all the replies and advice. I really appreciate it.

I’m in two minds about whether to pay for private SALT lessons or pay for another day a week at nursery as it’s roughly the same price. My son doesn’t really like going nursery, goes 2 days a week (funded hours) but will be increased to 4 days a week from September so I was considering paying for another day a week from now till September so he can get more settled in and maybe it’ll help with his speech but now I’m also considering private SALT lessons. I won’t be able to pay for both as I’m on maternity pay at the moment so what would you advise?

Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 08:19

Bitzee · 09/07/2025 07:57

That was exactly my worry too- that others struggle to understand him and he’ll struggle to join in. We see a PROMPT therapist so she’s very hands on and it’s been transformative. Would really recommend.

Thank you 🙏

ToDuk · 09/07/2025 15:20

I would try and get the hearing checked before you think about private SALT or another nursery day. This would rule out any other issue and make needs a bit clearer.

If you want to pay you could get a private hearing test done pretty quickly.

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 15:24

Bitzee · 09/07/2025 07:57

That was exactly my worry too- that others struggle to understand him and he’ll struggle to join in. We see a PROMPT therapist so she’s very hands on and it’s been transformative. Would really recommend.

(Apologies again for hijacking the thread OP!)

The PROMPT approach looks like it could work well for my DS (he looks like he is physically struggling to get his mouth and tongue to do the right thing!) but having looked online it seems to be quite niche in the UK so there don't seem to be many practitioners. Can I ask who you use?

Bitzee · 09/07/2025 15:30

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/07/2025 15:24

(Apologies again for hijacking the thread OP!)

The PROMPT approach looks like it could work well for my DS (he looks like he is physically struggling to get his mouth and tongue to do the right thing!) but having looked online it seems to be quite niche in the UK so there don't seem to be many practitioners. Can I ask who you use?

Sounds just like DS.
I don’t know if the location is any good for you but here you go…
www.speechtherapysurreylondon.com

Bitzee · 09/07/2025 15:36

OP - get the hearing check first before spending any money on more nursery or SALT but if that comes back ok then I think I’d go with private SALT over the extra day since he’s already doing nursery and I can’t see that 3 days will make a big difference where 2 hasn’t. Also, not an expert opinion but I’m personally a bit sceptical of the benefits of nursery for speech development presuming that yours is an English speaking home where DC gets plenty of attention and interaction.

Nearlyamumoftwo · 09/07/2025 15:37

If he understands everything you're saying that's a greenflag. I'd get his hearing checked. Even if you think it fine, ie he hears you open crisp packet from miles away, it might not be - he might have glue ear which effects clarity and he might her lots of muffled noise. I'm surprised your SALT didn't mention this. My son was referred to a SALT and they wouldn't see him til audiology results came back

lanzlucy · 09/07/2025 15:44

As other posters have commented - get a hearing test / audiology sorted out first. If there are any hearing issues increased nursery time will be detrimental due to constant background noise. Lots of children do mask hearing issues, lip reading following others that seem to show understanding, so worth ruling out. Generally we’ve found audiology referrals from GPs go through quickly