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Original poster

Friends child is mean to mine

6 replies

NMO69 · 25/05/2008 23:15

I have a 14 month old daughter. My best friend of 15 years lives locally and has a 2 year old. My friends daughter is often mean to my daughter - she snatches toys from her, pushes her, kicks and hits her. She often does this when she thinks no-one is looking. While I notice, my friend rarely does so her daughter does not get reprimanded for her behaviour. On the rare occasions where my friend notices she will tell her not to do it but then smiles and makes light of it. My daughter looks shocked and hurt but does not cry. But I feel its only a matter of time before she gets hurt physically. I don't want her to be subjected to this sort of behaviour and will not allow her to be bullied. Is this the typical behaviour of a 2 year old that she will grow out of and will cause no harm, or should I be worried? I find it a difficult problem to broach with my friend as her daughter is spoilt and can do no wrong. But if we can't sort it out then I feel my only option is to stop seeing my friend. Any advice?

OP posts:
saadia · 25/05/2008 23:19

It is typical 2yr old behaviour but obviously not nice for your dd. If you see her doing it could you try and distract her, call her over, give her something else to play with and stay close to your dd so you can "defend" her. Hopefully friend will get the message.

branflake81 · 26/05/2008 08:59

I am not sure you can call it "mean" behaviour, as that would suggest the child is old enough to be deliberately horrible which, at 2, I don't think they are. I wouldn't call it bullying and suspect it will pass.

madmuggle · 26/05/2008 10:03

A child of two has no notion of the moral rights and wrongs of the situation. She will be, quite naturally, egotistical and will not change for a wee while yet. You'll just have to take the initiative, try distraction and encourage sharing. Good luck

Original poster
NMO69 · 27/05/2008 09:02

Hello - thanks to all who responded - your comments have taught me that the problem is mainly my own. I am over protective of my little girl and don't know enough about the typical behaviour of older children and how to deal with it. Have now done some reading and got some good distraction techniques and feel a bit more relaxed. Thanks again

OP posts:
greenday · 27/05/2008 09:15

Its definitely a typical behaviour of a 2 yr old. They are now learning how to share, so imagine how hard it is in their little worlds. When my DD was 2 , every meet-ups were marred by fighting, snatching, hitting, pushing, etc ... everyone of them would end up crying at some point.

But it became better - I promise you! They grow out of that phase, learn to communicate better, and of course, a new set of 'problems' arise from 3 - 4 yr olds.

Amandella · 27/05/2008 09:46

NM - I wrote a very similar post about exactly this subject a couple of years back when my then 2 year old dd was being "bullied" by my friend's 2 year old dd and we saw each other once a week. I very nearly gave up seeing her. Let me say that 2 years down the line our little girls are 4 years old and still see one another every week and are great friends. I know its incredibly difficult but this will pass - and your dd will be fine (mine is). They still have their spats every now and then but basically they grow through these stages. I recommend you just stick with it as all of your friends will have different parenting ideas and we can't really judge - if your dd is physically hurt (mine was scratched really badly once) - I would gently go up to the little girl in question (in front of mum) and say something along the lines of "please can you say sorry to X as you have hurt your friend" and then say something to both kids like "we don't hurt one another do we?" I used to spend many an afternoon speaking in a nice loud voice apparently to BOTH girls saying this type of thing when in reality I was directing it at her dd (she also didn't seem to be as keen to tell her dd off as I was!!)... Eventually she got the message I think and started doing this as well and on one particular occasion when her dd had hit mine I held my dd and said in a loud voice "if we keep upsetting one another (!!!??) we will have to go home"... you get the gist. My dd loves her friend and I still have a good friend so I'd say stick with it... but keep a close eye on them!! Good luck

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