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Help me with a nursery dilemma?

7 replies

MissingTheMountain · 08/07/2025 10:07

DS needs to start going to nursery again. He's 3.5 and hasn't been in around a year. DH stopped work to be a SAHD, because DS didn't seem to be adjusting to it well, but it's not really worked. DS is very attached to me. I've gone out to work today and he's sobbed and screamed for 20 minutes. I have no idea why. His Dad is lovely. They'll have a really nice day now, but as soon as I am on the scene, he won't let Dad do anything. It's really getting to DH and I think DS needs more stimulation than farm visits/playgroups/etc now.

He can go back to his old nursery. His friends go there, although he'd be going into preschool and they are in the room before until September. He didn't like the room he was in before; he never got over finding it difficult to be away from me, but that might happen wherever he is... he generally does not like to leave me. He had been doing settling in sessions at preschool and had enjoyed them, he likes that there are more activities on offer.

Or he can go to another nursery nearby, that he's not been to before. It's slightly further from our home so we ruled it out when he was younger, but it's got a lot more land and farm animals, and he's very outdoors-y and loves the farm, so he could be happier there? He doesn't know anyone who goes, though.

Nursery #1 can only have him 2 days a week, nursery #2 can do three, but we can make either set up work. There's not too much of a difference in cost.

My instincts say #1 might be easier because his friends will be there and he really likes them; but he didn't enjoy it before, and DH is worried that will continue. #2 would be a fresh start but he's already quite nervous about going to nursery and I worry that might make it harder...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Squishymallows · 08/07/2025 10:09

I would do fresh start second nursery

mindutopia · 08/07/2025 18:15

I would keep him in a familiar setting with his friends. It doesn’t sound like the issue is nursery as your Dh is having the same issues at home. I would have your Dh do the settling in and drop offs personally.

legoplaybook · 08/07/2025 18:19

Sounds like separation anxiety is the issue rather than the nursery itself, so I would just pick whichever is more convenient.

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alcoholnightmare · 08/07/2025 18:32

I agree with PP - fresh start, nursery no.2

SwayzeM · 08/07/2025 19:10

Has he had a visit to both nurseries to see which he seems more drawn to? That might help with the choice.

Coldfame · 08/07/2025 20:33

Is there a school-based nursery connected to the primary school he's likely to go to? As he's almost school aged and making a fresh start, it would make sense for him to go somewhere he could make friends that he could continue to see at primary school and prepare him for school.

Otherwise, if it's between those 2, I would have picked nursery 2, for the animals and 3 days. I wouldn't have let friendships from a year ago make any difference. At that age friendships aren't enduring and my dcs wouldn't have remembered them.

Arran2024 · 08/07/2025 20:49

Little kids don't really have friends as such, more people they happily play with. Your son will soon "make friends" at the new nursery.

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