11 year old compulsive liar

[Sunshine186]

My 11 is a compulsive liar, she lies about everything and I can't believe a word she says. When I was in a relationship with her father he was the same. My daughter tells all sorts of lies, some are long stories that are all lies. What can I do?
Some of the lies:
Googling dirty houses and sending them to friends saying they are of our house.
Sending her dad photos of a little girl, telling him they are of her and I sent them to her.
Doing something infront of me, that I see and denying it.
Taking chocolate and saying she hasn't. Me finding several chocolate wrappers and showing her,but then she denies she has taken them and eaten them all.
Telling stories about something funny in school that didn't happen.
Telling me she did her maths Sat's exam that she got told she got full marks, even though it was English and they didn't get their results on the day.
Saying she played football with a girl in her class thay day but the other girl was off school.
Telling her friends via WhatsApp I told her off and took her switch off her when it didn't happen.
I could go on and on, everything that she says is a lie!

What do I do? It's driving me insane.

Sounds very hurtful OP. How long have you been split from her father?

What happens when you call her out on her obvious lies? Does she insist? Argue back? Get tearful?

Kids lie for all sorts of reasons. I'm assuming you've Googled and read about why? If not, that may be a start and then think about which scenario applies to your child and why.

We've been separated for nearly 8 years. We have a good relationship.

Sounds hard - my DD went through a phase like this, but in her case it was linked to her own insecurities and anxiety. She would make things up to appear more interesting to her peers. She never did anything, however, that would make me or anyone else look bad. She’s 16 now and has more or less grown out of it, (she’s still prone to exaggeration though!). She’s also ND, which may or may not be a factor.
I think in your case, when it comes to her making up stories that could possibly get you into trouble, (for example, if someone who received the ‘dirty house’ picture showed it to a teacher or something), I would immediately confiscate her phone. Explain why you have taken it and say it will be removed every time she tells lies that could be harmful to others. See if that helps her to understand that untruths can hurt others. Maybe also try having an informal chat with your GP or a sympathetic teacher as she may be struggling and need some outside help.

I usually speak to her about it and talk to her about the impact of lying. Ilthe lies become known to other. Eg my daughter attended a transition day for high school. I asked if she knew anyone in her class. She told me her best friend was in her class. We were together after this and I said it's nice the girls are in the same class, but then the girl and her mum said she was in another class.

If I ask my daughter/speak to her about lying, she completely denies it. I cam say something like can you bring your rubbish down out your room and she will say she has. I'll say she hasn't and she will start being horrible saying I am stupid and haven't seen it.

I've been trying to figure this out for a long time. It's so hard. It seems all different types of lies.

I think I would seek professional help. This sounds more serious than standard 11 year old daftness. I have known two adults who were serial liars it was unsettling for everyone that had to deal with them.

I only knew one child like this - someone when I was at school and she was a similar age. Lied about everything all the time. Everyone knew she was lying and unfortunately she became the butt of many jokes and was seen as a real ‘weirdo’. She would make up the tallest tales and swear that they were true. Or it could by lying about the smallest in consequential things.
Later in life it’s blatantly obvious she was autistic and most likely trying to fit in / get attention / make herself sound normal and interesting.
Something deeper is going on with your DD and I agree you need to get help / speak to someone about this before teenage years hit.

So my sister was like this growing up. We have talked about it loads. She said she did it to get attention. She said she always felt I was the favourite and so she lied about things good and bad to get attention.
when our parents confronted her they usually shouted or were cross and she got frightened and denied lying. And so the cycle continued. How do you approach it when u call her out? Could she be doing it for attention? Have you considered therapy?

Just reading the posts on here...I have always thought there was some neurodiversity, but I have been into school countless times over the years and they day there is no basis for further assessment. She is a little angel in school and does well.

Other issues are:
Being very lazy, her room becomes such a mess and she does nothing to make it better, she won't even let me help her. When she goes to her dad's I clean it , then she comes home and it's back to normal.
Poor hygiene. Not flushing after using the toilet and not washing her hands. I have to tell her to do this each time.
There are times she has smelly hands and I say to go and wash them. She will say she has but she will have rubbed some soap on her hands, not washed them. I then have to watch her do this.
I ask my daughter to wash her hair, I have shown her many times. She will say she has and it will be wet, but not washed. She will get mad at me about this, then later she will admit she just wet it.
Demanding attention. If she is petting our cat she will want me to watch, I will look but she wants me to do this repeatedly.
Leaving rubbish around, eating snacks and then putting the wrappers down the side of the chair.
Asking random questions and repeating the. "Isn't she (our cat) cute/cheeky? She will ask the same question 4 times in a row.
No empathy.
Not understanding the impact of calling someone names etc,but can say the right words.
Negotiating everything.
Always saying 1 minute/after this etc

I’d look into ND assessments if you can (afford it - you’d prob have to go private as it’s impossible to get them on NHS and even harder for girls who mask at school)

DD went through a phase of this aged 10/11. She was diagnosed autistic and adhd the following year.

If you google ADHD and lying it’s actually a thing - it’s a processing thing. But likely lots of other stuff going on for your DD too