To ask ex MIL to help with DD

[Lovehearts92]

would you ask your ex MIL to help you with your LO if you didn’t have anyone else to ask?

ex-H has found someone else and only really goes a crap about work and his new fling. He picks DD up every Saturday without fail but leaves everything to his mum anyway.

hes been on holiday for 2 weeks, hasnt asked to make up the time and hasn’t checked in re DD once. He’s just a bit of an arse in general.

I live with my parents who help me a LOT and I really don’t want to ask them again. Ex- H promised he’d have her Friday as I have plans, he’s now said he’s not doing it and is ignoring me.

I was going to cancel plans but I’ve had to do this the last two weekends. We do actually have a parenting plan in place but he never sticks to it.

would you ask your ex MIL to help and have LO or would you just bite your tongue and cancel plans again. I’ve not asked her as we don’t talk since the split but she has raised 4 children of her own and 8 grandchildren, so not like she’s out of the loop on parenting…

really stuck with what to do. Feel like I’m constantly putting my life on hold, he swans around doing whatever he wants, never helps me or agrees to extra time but demands me to cancel my plans and make changes my end when something comes up.

DD is nearly 2 and i feel selfish always leaning on my parents.

Why not ask. The worst she will say is no. Its you and partner that have split not the LO and granny. She's maybe desperate to see her. I know i would help out given the chance. Good luck

@Lovehearts92

"i feel selfish always leaning on my parents"

how do they feel though? I cannot envisage, ever, not wanting to help my daughter.

Tbh, @Lovehearts92 personally, I wouldn't want to be beholden to your ex in-laws given the circumstances.

Could also be worth a chat with your parents to explain exactly how you feel wrt reliance on them?

You may be overly concerned that it's too much for your Mum and Dad?

eta; ex

@beetr00 Just due to living with them I try not to make them take too much on. They look after my DD while I work and usually every other Friday so I can go out.

they have a lovely social life and are retired. I don’t like to take away their time.

they always say they are happy to help when they have no plans, but the issue for me is when they are busy which is quite often and ex-H is messing me around, I’m unsure whether to lean on his mum…

I'd ask @Lovehearts92, she can only say no in which case you are no worse off, but she might also say yes which might a) give you some extra help and b) make her realise what a dick her son is.

Whilst I agree with pp she might be thrilled to be able to maintain the relationship with her dgc BUT what stands out to me here is that you say "we don't talk since the split" so it doesn't seem right to ask her to have them so you can go out, to me.

I think you need to talk to her first about whether she would like to be involved (as many of us would) and how you can work that out between you / what it would look like. Once you have established that relationship then you could ask her (or she might offer).

Another option would be to find a babysitter you can pay now and then when you want to go out.

@CarpetKnees Unfortunately we only don’t have contact her ex H asked her not to speak to me and told me I’m not allowed to contact her. I have done twice before and both times she’s said thar she will always be happy to help.

exH also lives with his mum so DD stays there already, it’s just this time exH won’t be there and is be breaking his rules by asking her directly…

Your ex doesn't get to micro manage the relationship you and mil could be having....

You're allowed to talk to anyone you like.

You could say 'ex was meant to have baby on Friday but he's cancelled as he's away. Just wondering if you're free to have her for a sleepover' if I was the ex MIL I would definitely say yes out of guilt at what her useless son has done and also to spend time with baby

Agree!
The cheek of him after cheating and leaving you with the baby

Well he breaks the rules whenever he likes. I'd ask exmil if she could help out with her DGC. Worst she can say is no and you won't be any worse off than you are now. She might say yes. She might be furious with her son for shirking his responsibility to his DC. I'd be so ashamed of him if he were my son. I'd agree to care for my DGC in a heartbeat.

You’re allowed to talk to anyone you like. If I were you I would refuse to cancel plans for him- ‘I have plans, you cannot see dd then. If you wanted to see her so much you would have turned up for your contact time but you missed last week, the week before, and the week before that. You can see her 9am Saturday as usual.’

’i called your mum because I’m a single parent, and my daughters dad hasn’t bothered to show up for two weeks. I needed some support and your mum is her grandma. I won’t respond on this topic again, we only need to talk about dd’
then mute him, check once a day and only reply if it’s about dd. Picture him locked in a little glass box screaming pathetically at you -and you can’t hear. that’s him muted!