How to handle difficult teen

[notanymore2]

Really struggling with with DS, who has just turned 13. He is withdrawn, grumpy, indifferent or just outright awful to his younger brother, has refused any engagement with any types of activities at all, rarely sees his friends outside of school etc etc I could go on. He is argumentative, combative and seems to have little to no respect for me and my husband. I have no idea how to reach him anymore. He seems to want to live a completely separate life to ours. Every day is a battle and has been for about a year.
does anyone have any advice on how to reach a teen like this? And on the days he is really bad and pushes us beyond our boundaries, I am lost as to what punishments are appropriate- screen bans seem lame and clearly don’t really work. Any ideas?
I should say, no issues at school. That all seems fine and he’s lovely to his teachers.
We are a happy home, he has never experienced any trauma or loss. Nothing I can think of to trigger such a spiral into these behaviours.
Am feeling sad and overwhelmed.
any advice so warmly received x

It's hormonal. Speak to him pleasantly and ignore him spending as much time as he likes in his bedroom. Teens need space to retreat. They don't want to be with the family.

He'll come out the other side.

That's not difficult. That's normal. Difficult is stealing your money to spend on fags and booze, not coming home, breaking your stuff, calling you a cunt.

Leave him to it. With love of course.

My three teenage ds were all so different. Someone once told me that teenagers are like cats - make sure they have a bed and food and be glad if they give you any attention!

I have very few rules - do their fair share of chores, be polite, let me know where they are and when they will be home

Generally being cross and giving out punishments don’t really work. If my boys break a rule we talk about what they did, why it was a problem and ask them for suggestions of consequences. They usually suggest fairly reasonable punishments.

I also was very clear that they can call me anytime if they need picking up or feel uncomfortable in a situation. I was also very clear that they can tell me anything and I would help them sort out any problems.

It is certainly not easy and they (and I) are certainly not perfect but we have survived!