Moving up a generation, parents getting older...

[mrschop]

Does anyone else find this hard? I have two children, am in my thirties. My parents have always been lively and very involved with their other (older) GC's. But in the last year or two, they've really aged. They don't have as much energy to play with my children, they can't take them out for a morning like they did my nieces and nephews. I know they do think the world of my children, and on their 'good' days, they're brilliant with them. But a lot of the time their health is now not so good, they have lost some of their confidence, and I find them more difficult to talk to.

I really miss the 'old' (or 'young'?) them. And I feel sad my children are missing out on the energy they had with their other grandchildren. I also feel a certain responsibility for them, just as my responsibility for my own family is growing. I know I'm very lucky to have them around at all, but the difference between them and my DH's parents (who are ten years younger than my parents) is now quite marked, and I really notice the aging process in my own parents. Do other people feel that their parents suddenly got old?

Yes! In fact one of my dc's commented on this after visiting my father recently. Apparently he looks 'older and smaller'. I would think the contrast with your DH's parents make this harder for you. My children only have one grandparent left now, with both grandmothers having died comparatively young. Yes it's hard, specially if you feel your children are missing out, but i think the most important thing is having the relationship IYSWIM, not whether they're out playing football or doing energetic things. And the special relationship can remain whatever the age. In some senses my children missed out geographically as we live over 100 miles away from the remaining grandparent, whereas the other GCs live near him and see him most days. But I honestly think it's the quality of the relationship that counts, not how often they see them. In fact in some ways my children have always had the benefit of GPs being a special thing in the way their cousins havent, simply because they don't see them every day.

It is one of the disadvantages of having DCs when you are older. I have a large gap and my mother was a much more hands on grandmother with my eldest.I don't think that you can avoid it. You can still have a special relationship.