Being left with 3 kids after Gallbladder Operation

[44Jen44]

Hello

I am a mum of 3 aged 11, 9 and 1.

I am just looking for some opinions and support. I had an operation to remove my gallbladder 11 days ago. I'm still in pain & discomfort. I also have Hypothyroidism and Iron difficiency.

My husband has taken 2 weeks off to help take care of the children, especially the baby. The surgeon told us I would need help for 2-3 weeks. Low and behold I return from my surgery to find out my husband has been told he must work away for 2 nights, 3 days on his first day back at work which will be only 2 weeks post op.

I can't lift my 1 year old for at least 4 weeks. This whole thing has left me scared and anxious about being left by myself for all that time so soon. My only saving grace to him returning after two weeks was that he'd be home to help in the evenings and give me the respite I really will need. Now that's been taken away from me, at such a vulnerable time. To be honest I'm fuming and I don't know what to do.

Not enough support around us for someone to help or stay with me. I'm going to be on my own and overdoing it. I feel emotional thinking about it. How can this work if I can't lift my baby, he's climbing all over the place plus has buggy, high chair, cot. What if I'm too exhausted, what if I'm still in pain. What if I do more damage to myself like cause a hernia. I'm so worried.

He needs to tell his work that he can't do that.
I assume they know the reason he had two weeks off - if not he needs to tell them.
If needs be he needs to take emergency parental leave.

They know. They know, and clearly dont care. He's having 2 weeks parental leave for this. And they were basically Iike sorry no choice but to ask you to do this.

He needs to say no.
Unless the country depends on his job (ie he's military or a government spy) they need to find away to manage without him.
Emergency parental leave time.
I mean if you'd ended up in a coma they'd have to manage without him.

What can I say.

Hes already had 3 weeks parental leave. 1 because I was hospitalised with pancreatitis, a week before surgery. 2 weeks for my post op recovery.

His boss is an absolute c* who also made me giving birth a year ago very nasty.

So perhaps my husband is gutless in dealing with his boss. He feels he has no choice due to work circumstances. He also has ASD so probably lacks empathy for my situation.

I'm already considering separation down the line if we can't work through our differences (which is everything).

But being left like this vulnerable feels like it might be the final kick in the teeth. And it's a shame because he's done such a lovelybjob of taking care of me and kids throughout this process. Just gutted.

He needs to put his foot down. He can take dependents leave. If the children aren't safe being left with you, he really doesn't have any choice, unless he pays for help.
The risk of a hernia is real. My DH had one after gallbladder surgery, and it ruined more than a decade of his life - more operations, infections, repair surgery that failed and had to be redone, it was just appalling. Constant pain. Don't risk it. I would go as far as saying take yourself out of the picture just before he is due to go, either go sit in A&E, or go stay in a hotel/at parents or friends. If you are not there, he won't be able to leave. In this scenario, he is going to have to be the default parent, not you.

I agree you take yourself out to a Holiday Inn, if you can walk/get into a taxi. He has no choice but to stay home. There is no give and take here. Can the 11 and 9 year old help with the 1 year old in the day? Not ideal, I know modern parenting is against siblings helping out but in this case mum is very ill and needs help.

I have a 10 month old walking, climbing and essentially being a danger to himself every waking moment, I couldn't cope like that.

Can’t he take Annual Leave for another 3/5 days?

Can your elder two children help out while DH is away for a couple days? I babysat routinely for infants at age 11. I’ve just had an emergency C section a week ago and have a 1 year old (and 7, 9 and 11 at home) and while not ideal, they’ve been picking up the baby for me to put her in her cot or high chair etc since they’re off school anyway.