Newborn sleep help

[Pessimist]

I'm a ftm with a baby that's one week old.

My husband has the standard 2 weeks off and goes back to work next Monday.

My baby (understandably!) is missing the womb and only sleeps if she's being held. We've been staying up in shifts but this isn't sustainable for us when my husband goes back to work.

How do I get my baby to go to sleep without us? I know there's a lot of good reasons she wouldn't like the next to me cot but the reality is that we can't afford to change it (we're actually borrowing this one), and I really need to sleep in between breastfeeding. She's also quite anti-Moses basket.

Tonight we tried popping her in a gro bag (it does fit her properly, before the comments get sidelined), making sure she's got a clean nappy and done a big feed, been winded and trying to comfort her when she grizzles. It's 4am and it's been brutal, she just howls - I know I'll fall asleep if I keep holding her but she won't go in the crib for longer than 5 minutes so I can't get a break.

How the hell do people do this? ☹️

Solidarity OP, it’s brutal. I’m up with my 9 week old and it does get better, she’s slept in her next to me for a solid 5 hours tonight but I’m struggling to get her back down now. DH is in the spare room and takes her at about 5 so I get another couple of hours then and that’s very manageable now.

I found with both of mine that they wouldn’t sleep unless held at night at all until about 3-4 weeks. I’m afraid we just carried on with shifts slightly in DH’s favour and accepted DH would be very tired at work at first, most people are understanding when there’s a new baby but it obviously depends on his job. I still did the lion’s share so I was more tired. If you have literally anyone who can hold baby in the day so you can nap then just outright ask them to do that. Unfortunately this time round I know I did fall asleep with baby on me which is obviously not safe, but I made it as safe as I could by making sure no pillows, duvets etc anywhere near so if she did roll off me she’d be just on the mattress. I’m in no way recommending it and I did worry, but if it’s going to happen I did try to reduce the risks at least. People always suggest safe cosleeping but I tried that and she woke just the same as if she’d gone in to the next to me. I did find I seemed to only go into a light doze for very short periods so I was still quite responsive to her.

Try not to worry, easier said than done I know but I wouldn’t force it at this stage, you’ll all end up more tired and more stressed. It does improve quite quickly, keep trying the next to me but give up quickly if it’s not working. We put both babies into the next to me during the day when awake and asleep too, we just took the top into the living room. That way they start feeling safe in it faster my health visitor said. Good luck.

I breastfed and cosleept. I do not know how other mother manage without cosleeping.
Safe cosleeping is safe unsafe cosleeping is risky.

Have you considered co-sleeping? My now 6 month old was the same! Refused to sleep in her cot - tried every trick in the book (putting her down during the day when she's awake to get her used to it, swaddle, sleeping bag, putting a hot water bottle in there first to warm it up, putting a t-shirt of mine in there, putting her in at various stages of her sleep to avoid waking up etc). None of it worked for my DD - so I decided to co-sleep. It doesn't work for everyone but it works for us! We've gone through stretches of 11-7 when she's in the bed (although sleep regression and teething has changed that, but even still she's up for a feed and change and then generally goes back to sleep once she's in bed!)

Hang in there, it does get easier - good luck! (@!£ congratulations on little one!)

I swaddled my baby in a muslin. Only way to get them to sleep in the cot. My partner would take the baby downstairs before going to work while I slept again.

Try swaddling and dummy.

I'm in the trenches too, you have my sympathy! We have a snuzpod - which I guess is similar to a next-to-me & I've just attached the Rockit to the end to gently rock DS when I put him down. Appreciate you dont want to spend more money, but you can find them on Vinted xx

I remember this part really well - it improved quite quickly but like pp our baby wanted to be held at night. I used to go to bed really early - like 7pm - and husband would have the baby until around midnight when I'd take over again. It was tough but it didn't last long. I'd recommend a swaddle as well - that ended up helping us get him in the moses basket. Take care and good luck!

Definitely swaddle x

Oh gosh, I remember those days!
I remember giving DS to DH one night and just saying, ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and bawling my eyes out!

I don’t know what the current guidelines are, but swaddling made a huge difference and I did co-sleep at times when I was exhausted (followed safety guidelines- no duvet, alcohol etc).

It DOES get better! Good luck.

I have a nearly 3 week old and feel your pain! He is in a moses basket and will go down (along as he’s FAST asleep) have to feed to sleep, and make sure he’s snoring away before i put him down. Transfer him and then keep my hand on his chest for a few mins, stroking his head so it’s like i’m still there and holding him!
Also second the Rockit device - there are some on vinted!
And we have a Pureflo which is like a sleepyhead but are safe for sleeping, these can help!

A love to dream sleep bag has saved us this time, not cheap but would also try vinted for one!
Just do what you need to do, it’s sooo hard to navigate especially when the other half goes back to work.

Also give white noise a try!