Does anyone else’s DH do this?! It drives me crazy. DH gets ideas of what he wants to do in a day in his head, usually the morning of, and then doesn’t stop to factor in the children at all. 2 DD’s, 1 and 4. Eldest DD was at grandparents today so we just had the little one. He got up with her so I could lie in which was lovely - gave her some fruit for breakfast and didn’t change her or get her dressed. Woke me at 10am (amazing!!) but then starts cooking a full hot breakfast. We’re off on a UK holiday tomorrow - he decides we need to go to a shop for walking gear half an hour away. I suggest I stay at home and crack on packing while he goes. He insists I come to try things on - but I know my size, and I hate trying clothes on! We get ready, don’t leave until about 12. Get there, go into some shops, little one was getting restless and I suggest we take a break and let her play in the park next to the shops while we have a coffee. He starts huffing about wanting to be quick and get home. He gets us coffees but doesn’t think to get anything for DD to eat - I didn’t ask him to but assumed he would know she needed something to eat! Go into the shop we came for, he starts piling things by one of the checkouts then wonders off to do more browsing. I’ve got the pram, toddler who is now out and walking because she’s fed up, a coffee (no cup holder on the pram) trying to wrangle her around a busy shop. She’s getting into everything, bored and probably hungry. After 10 or 15 minutes I found him and said we need to go. He grumbles because he hasn’t had enough time. He then makes a point of saying I said I didn’t want to come, why did we go into other shops, we should have come to that one first. I suggested I take DD for some food and he could go back and browse but got no reply so we left and picked up some food on the way home. Then have to stop at yet another shop, so we didn’t make it home until 4:30. It’s just gone 5, he’s now gone back out as he needs a haircut. The house is a mess, we have washing we need to do before we go tomorrow, dinner to cook for tonight. Little one needs a bath, bedtime etc. I know he’ll come back, proceed to pull all sorts out of the garage that we “might need” for the holiday and then spend 2 hours cleaning the car. He’ll then announce the car is ready to be packed and be amazed that I haven’t managed to pack everything and do all of the above. Eldest needs collecting from grandparents tonight because we’ve got an early start tomorrow. It’s just so frustrating! I suspect ADHD/ASD and see a lot of traits in him and he’s admitted this and will say he’s hyper focusing etc. I get frustrated because I see a lot of the same traits in myself but I have to just crack on with things! Neither of us get hungry very often, but I know that we have to feed the children 3 meals and 2 snacks at set sort of times! youngest still breastfeeds and he doesn’t seem to understand that this is no longer a meal at this age - she needs food too! In his head if we’ve had breakfast at 10 then a late lunch at 2 or 3 is fine - but to me that’s for too long when they’re so little? He also doesn’t seem to understand that yes, she will fall asleep in the car at 3:30 instead of a big nap at 12:30, but this means bedtime will be a nightmare! I just get so frustrated - and if I bring it up he’ll say “well you need to tell me these things” no I don’t!!! He is 41. I’m 27. I love him dearly and he is great in a lot of ways. But this frustrates the life out of me. I also realised he’d forgotten to switch the hob off and it was still on a low heat when we got home hours later!! I just find it so frustrating. He will grumble tonight about how shopping took too long, we shouldn’t have stopped at the park etc. but I don’t think it’s fair on DD to be strapped in the pram, car seat etc for hours without a break.
AIBU here? Or should I be more understanding of the fact that he is likely neurodiverse and maybe it’s easier for me to get practicalities done?