Relieved and heartbroken… unsure if our family is complete

[HannahTheBanana]

I’m feeling heartbroken and conflicted at the moment and would really appreciate some perspective.

I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter and have always wanted a sibling for her — not just for her, but for the sense of family and connection. I couldn’t face having a second child earlier, but now I’m 39 and recently got pregnant. Sadly, I miscarried a few days ago and it’s been incredibly traumatic.

Right now, I feel certain I never want to go through this again — the emotional and physical toll has really shaken me. At the same time, I can’t help wondering: is wanting a sibling for my daughter reason enough to try again? Or do I try to find peace and contentment with the wonderful family I already have?

My husband and I both have sisters, but we don’t live near family, and I sometimes worry my daughter will feel lonely as she grows up. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

I’d love to hear from anyone with an only child — or who is one themselves. How has that experience been? Do you/did you feel lonely? Any regrets?

Thank you for reading ❤️

Hi, sorry to hear about your loss.

I'm an only child who also has an only child and I feel good about it, for the most part. It certainly feels 'normal' to me whereas I know from friends with siblings they felt they needed more than one child to complete things for them.

I think like most things in life there are pros and cons to both. I was never lonely as a child and was always pretty sociable and good at making friends. This has continued into adulthood. I will be encouraging my child in the same way. I do sometimes feel as an adult that it would be nice to have a sibling but I can't say it's something I think about a lot. I hope that's reassuring in some way.

Even with a sibling there is no guarantee your DD would have a good relationship with them. Sadly not all siblings are close, particularly into adulthood and there is no guarantee they would remain living in the same area ( as is the case with you and your husband). Worrying your DD would be lonely is not a compelling reason to have another child. I know several only children who have fulfilling lives who are not lonely and don’t regret being an only child, and also those with siblings who have minimal interaction or relationships with siblings.

I have an almost 5yo and am expecting number 2. I had two miscarriages last year, both with hyperemesis and they did take their tole on me. My partner and I discussed things and decided to try for 3 months after the second loss and if it didn't happen we would be happy as a family of 3. As it happened I conceived quite quickly and this pregnancy stuck.
I have two sisters I'm close to but my partner isn't close at all to his brother so we know siblings can go either way. We want our daughter to have a sibling but more importantly we want a second child but we have also been a happy family of 3 and wouldn't see that changing if we hadn't conceived again