Supporting my partner who is co-parenting

[Hols2015]

Hello

I am hoping to get a bit of advice from the older and wiser or anyone who may have dealt with or is currently dealing with a similar situation.

My partner is currently co-parenting with an individual who is making it incredibly difficult. This is a situation I have never been in before so any advice would be much appreciated.

My partner split with his ex 2 years ago and they have a lovely 7 year old son together. I knew coming into the relationship that his son would always be his number one priority and ultimately this is my favourite quality about him. However, what I was not prepared for was his ex partner. I’m finding it incredibly difficult watching this unfold and I would just like to be able to support him the best way that I can.

For a bit of background, he split up with her due to her cheating and stealing money from their sons savings account.

Since the split, this is just some of the things he has had to deal with:
She sold some of his item that he had left behind after the split rather than returning them (one being a high value watch he received for 10 years service at his company he works for)
She stopped him seeing his son for months while he was still paying child support (this child support payment was not through the CMS but an arrangement they came up with between the two of them post the split. I have also seen proof of all of these payments)
He sent Christmas presents to his son. The labels on these were covered and replaced with labels to make out they were from her new partner (someone who she was only openly with for 1 week prior to introducing him to her son. They have since split up)
She attempted to make him loose his job. This ultimately was thrown out by the HR department and she was placed on a warning but this went on for a couple months which was incredibly stressful
Her and her new partner (at the time - they have now split also) messaged him last year and said he wasn’t paying enough money so were going to go to the CMS to in their words “take him for everything he has”. This was not disputed. Child maintenance payments are now made through the CMS and this has actually resulted in less money than she was initially getting. This made her incredibly bitter
She is now with a new individual and keeps verbally saying via text message and over the phone (in front of her son) that her new partner is a better father than my partner. This distressed their son very much to where he shouted at her whilst she was saying this over the phone that that is not true and he doesn’t want her speaking to his dad like that
Rage texts of constant verbal abuse on WhatsApp featuring an array of degrading comments such as calling him ‘a fat c*nt’

I could go on and on with the list but I won’t bore you with it all. As I have said, this is a situation I have never been in before so I would love some advice on how to support my partner as best I can.

Thank you

Stay out of it. It’s clear you don’t like the mother as you keep bringing up her new partners which are not relevant. Tell him to arrange child support through the courts. You don’t say how long you’ve been with him but I assume it’s less than two years and don’t live together?

Stay out of it, don't pass comment on her, be very mindful that even if you don't say anything verbally, the child is likely aware of yours and his dad's feelings about his mother, and that's not ok, whether they are warranted are not.

In terms of advice for your partner, arrange contact through the courts and ignore his ex partner. Set up a dedicated email just for her, give it to her and advise this is to be used for all communications regarding their son, and block her on everything else. Arrange handovers through school if feasible (one drops off, one picks up) or in a neutral location. If he sees her and she starts a barrage of abuse he needs to not rise, and walk away if necessary. If she continues to find ways to get to him he can consider processes for harassment etc.

Try not to focus on why she thinks whatever, new partners, she's entitled to her opinion, she is not entitled to verbally abuse your partner. It sounds like the poor boy in the middle doesn't share her views and as he gets older he will see the situation for what it really is, your partner needs to ensure that he doesn't stoop to his level or he will end up burning his own bridges with his son