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What to do in this situation? Daughter doesn’t like him.

15 replies

girlmomma1 · 03/07/2025 21:36

Mu daughter is very unhappy with her bio dad. He’s very inconsistent in her life and he lives life to the absolutely fullest without her. So basically without going into to much detail as it’s a long one. He wasn’t in her life from the get go however he wanted to be a part of her life etc. we now have a court order which has been in place for the past year and a half and it’s just not gone how the order was set out. It’s difficult. He lives 2 hours away and as DD is getting a little older I mean she is only 3 years old. She has a very strong mind for a 3 year old and she knows what she wants when she wants. She screams when going with him to the point the past few times I have had to go in which I don’t like going as he makes me feel uncomfortable by passing sexual comments about me and touching me etc. I go as my daughter is very unsettled and distressed around him. She is a very happy little girl and loves everyone however she doesn’t take a liking to him. She screams when she sees him and she says no I don’t like him. It’s not nice to see. And the last time she done it. It was a very hard situation to handle. To the point he even said himself I can’t put her through this anymore. Basically saying he wasn’t going to back down. At least that’s how it sounded anyway from the things he said but then 5 minutes later said something else which indicated otherwise. I really don’t know what to do in this situation. He doesn’t do anything as a parent. He didn’t come to her first ever nursery sports day. He doesn’t come to nursery events. He doesn’t come to doctors apps if she was to have one. He doesn’t take part in her life other than see her once every blue moon for a few hours. It’s not consistent he also goes on around 5 holidays a year to big places. He’s just been to Japan. Paris. Poland. On a cruise. Ibiza. You name it he goes. Daughter only gets stuff if his parents go too. He couldn’t even take her the park when he had her alone once as I had stuff to do that day. It’s just becoming to much.

OP posts:
MoreChocPls · 03/07/2025 21:46

are you travelling 2 hours to his place? Does he pay for dd?

girlmomma1 · 03/07/2025 21:47

@MoreChocPlshe comes down to see her when he feels like and then goes cold when he has other plans.

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MounjaroMounjaro · 03/07/2025 21:49

Oh god I would hate to send my daughter to spend time with him. I couldn't bear it.

What are his parents like? Does your daughter like spending time with them?

She's so young. What would he say if you stopped visits or restricted them to an hour in a cafe with you or your mum present?

As for him touching you, that's disgusting. Who the fuck does he think he is?

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girlmomma1 · 03/07/2025 21:53

@MounjaroMounjaroi do hate it. and because she is so distressed about it I have to go in which I absolutely hate. She doesn’t like him although that sounds very strong. I know she is only 3 however she is not like that with anyone else. Personally his parents have never liked me. Well at least his mum hasn’t. For no reason at all bear in mind. so I really don’t know how they are. They supported him in not being a father to her at first. So you judge how you will. unfortunately for my mum has passed away so I don’t have her with me. I have to do it alone and he takes advantage etc. he just lives how he likes and expects DD to be there when it suits him.

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MounjaroMounjaro · 03/07/2025 21:56

I think you need a really good solicitor, then. I know that parental alienation exists but this clearly isn't that sort of thing. Your poor daughter - no wonder she doesn't want to go with him. He shows no sign of care towards her at all.

girlmomma1 · 03/07/2025 22:01

@MounjaroMounjaroyes I think soo. It’s going to have to be the next step. I can’t put up with this anymore it’s really ruining my life. It’s putting a hold on both mine and my daughter’s lives. For him to just forget about her for weeks while he’s lives his best life and comes back when it suits him and then makes it look like it was me. He’s horrendous.

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girlmomma1 · 03/07/2025 23:01

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BunnyRuddington · 04/07/2025 08:06

Unfortunately you can’t stop him doing what he likes when he’s not with your DD. He’s a shit Dad and our society seems extremely tolerant of men who behave like this.

What you can stop is the touching. Do you have someone who could come with you for the handovers? Is there a reason that you’re doing the 2 hour trip? What does the Court Order say?

girlmomma1 · 04/07/2025 08:10

@BunnyRuddingtoni don’t do the two hour trip he does. When he feels like it. no not really I don’t have someone consistently who could do it for me. It’s come to a point where hand over is not possible as she won’t go with him she will scream and kick and everything in between not to go with him. I can’t see that and he wouldn’t exactly take her while she’s like that. he can’t handle her at the best of times and he says it’s all my fault. He asked for an order and I just agreed to everything back then. it where for him to have her for 3 nights every 2 and a half weeks as he works and wanted her every other few days off. It’s never been consistent.

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BunnyRuddington · 04/07/2025 08:43

So when hes made the trip and she kicks off what happens?

The blaming you sounds like he wants to check out and put the fault on you to ease his conscience? I would keep all records of when you’ve offered him contact and the times that he’s not shown.

girlmomma1 · 04/07/2025 08:56

@BunnyRuddingtonthen I get told you will have to come. As if I didn’t she wouldn’t go with him. I then go with them as I won’t allow him to my house as he try’s it on with me also. so we just go somewhere and we are no longer than 2 hours at a push. At this point I’m not even sure what it is. It’s pointless she’s much happier without him. I just never know how to go about it.

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Superscientist · 04/07/2025 14:49

My partner didn't come to most of the nursery events nor the school stuff and he's a very doting dad. He comes to most of her paediatric appointments but not gp, dietitian or HV appointments most don't require two parents.

I would say the lack of regular contact that is the issue.

The situation doesn't sound very sustainable at the moment. I think he needs to commit to frequent short visits so that she can learn to see him as a safe person. It may well mean you present or being very nearby in the short term and build from there.

girlmomma1 · 04/07/2025 14:56

@Superscientist yes that is just one thing of many. This man wasn’t there for his own child’s birth. He didn’t want to be a part of my daughter’s life however somewhat changed his mind. Hasn’t shown much effort since. I am just fed up of having to he around this man. He is sexual harassing me also. Well forms of it.

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Balloonhearts · 04/07/2025 15:19

I'd just refuse to go. That's not part of the order. If he doesn't want to forcibly take her when distressed then she doesn't go. I'd also film during handover or have someone else do it for evidence. If this means he gets no contact, he will have to go back to court.

The sexual harassment needs dealing with forcefully. Tell him to stop being inappropriate with you. If he touches you after being told not to, belt him as hard as you can, take your child and leave. Call police and report sexual assault. Make sure you tell them that he did it in front of your child.

Superscientist · 04/07/2025 17:12

You need to document and report the sexual harassment. It's not ok and it's not acceptable and you shouldn't have to tolerate it.

The rest of it is hard. You have to sort of play the game and hope he either steps up or sods off completely. This half way in half way out is no good. He maybe father in name but to your daughter he's this guy that pops up occasionally. My daughter is nearly 5 and there's a really small list of adults that are her safe adults. If he truly wants to be an engaged dad he needs to step up and put the effort in.

My mum's first husband was in the useless category and had irregular contact that soon disappeared. My sister saw him about twice between 4 and 40! She was better of for not having him in her life. Her half brothers had him in their life and had a harder time.
My nieces parents split up when she was 3 and she had very little contact for 6 months. He'd been an abusive husband and it's only since he stopped trying to control and abuse his my sister he's been a good father. My niece is approaching adulthood now and has benefit from a relationship with her dad but only since he focused on being a dad and not an abusive arse. The biggest problem in these situation is the person that needs to change and step is the one that's not engaging and it can go either way.

Document everything, and hold him to account! I really hope he either steps away or steps up!

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