Does dad get a say in child’s schooling?

[bigfacthunter]

One child, me and the father not together. Me and ex both work freelance in the same industry but since having a child I’ve basically completely remodelled my entire career to fit around care responsibilities. Exs career remains completely unchanged. He pays ok child maintenances although imo nowhere near enough to make up for the fact that his salary is as great as it ever was and mine has been cut in half (in fact more than half!) by caring for our child. but I appreciate not everyone sees it that way.

He does not take our child when he is working, since February he has taken them every Saturday night and that’s it. (Nice to get a night off every week but no help with getting me to work plus it means it’s a huge fight if I want to take our kid away of a weekend).

When he is not working we do 50/50 and sometimes that can be for a month or even two but even if he’s not working he refuses to commit to looking after his own child at that time “in case something comes up”. So I have to plan always as if he’s not going to be available.

I’ve attempted many times to get a more formal, structured and fair set up in place but I’m told it’s this or nothing and my child loves him to death soooo… here I am.

My issue is does he really get a say in which school our child attends? Given that I am doing the lion share of school drop offs and pick ups and I’m the only one who has to organise their work commitments around school? Or is it only right that both parents have equal input into how their child is educated?

For context I’m keen to put my child into French speaking school (the father doesn’t speak French so he’s completely against it but I think it’s an excellent school and would benefit our child massively). Does he have any right to block this?

I think you need to go to court to formalise the situation

Absolutely not if there are no court orders in place then he has zero say
If he wants to go and get a court order to give him some say that will be two or three years down the line by which point the child will be well established in your school of choice

I disagree once you start involving courts, you lose control of the outcome. And it’s not always a case of common sense and normality prevailing

He is the child’s other parent. Why on earth shouldn’t he get a say?

Well that’s how I’ve been thinking up until now but today it just hit me:

Im considering not sending my child to an excellent school (over a very mediocre school) because her father, who has only done one weekend night a week for the past 6 months, says he would find it hard to help our child with homework.

It feels ridiculous!

If he were committed to taking our child two weekday nights a week and doing the homework with them on the two nights I think it would make a little bit of sense.

If he has parental responsibility (which is clearly defined) he does have a say. One parent can make decisions for a child generally but where there is fundamental disagreement then this should be formalised by the courts - a specific issues order (regarding a school) for instance.

It is ridiculous. Everybody will tell you how the poor menz need consideration. Fuck that do what’s best for your child.

Well if you’re the one doing most of the care and you’ve done the research about schools ect then no. Do what’s best for your child! Has he even shown any sustained interest?

Also what the fuck does he mean find it hard to help with homework??? You can Google things if you need to, and also it’s children’s homework… it’s not hard. I am a tutor and I offer homework help lessons, I’m sure someone in his area would if he really can’t do it. Or most schools have a homework club which is free. If the homework is really the issue there’s lots of work arounds.

Ideally yes, in your circumstances I would just go for the school you want. If he wants to take it to court they will look at your case under an SIO but I can't imagine a court would agree to your child going to an inferior school for his Dad's benefit. It would have to be a legitimate reason.

Legally he has a say in where they are schooled and if you cannot agree the ultimate route is court. Most of the background you have given isn't relevant legally. However, given you are doing almost all the childcare I would expect court to allow you to make the choice unless he agrees in court to regular contact.

He can't have it both ways; dipping in and out when he's in the mood and then dictating the school. I would go with the school you want, he can spend money taking it to court which as other people have said will take time and most likely your child will be settled in the school. Tell the court he's not a very engaged father and you went with the school you thought was best for your child

If he has parental responsibility then he does have a say. Whether or not he chooses to exercise that right and go to court to get a specific issues order is a different question.

If he does and you can’t agree between you then the court will make the decision.

As someone who works in family court I would strongly encourage you and your ex to try and agree this between you. You do not want to have strangers deciding what’s best for your child unless you have absolutely no choice.

Maybe its because it's in French.

Are you in the UK? Just wondering if you're in Canada as a French school would usually cost quite a bit in the UK and you've said your money had been hit. The answers might be different if you're out of the country.

At any rate, is put the child in the school I wanted and let the father take me to court. I'd make it clear that if it goes to court I will get the custody arrangement settled so he can't play "I might be busy later"

It doesn't sound like he's helping with homework anyway tbf.

When we applied for primary school there was a box to tick something along the lines of "you have consent from anyone else with parental responsibility to make this decision"
My partner didn't formally have to say he agreed but there was a tick box for me to say I was filling in the application with his knowledge and support

i dont know legally but morally he should not.