DS scratched badly in the face by another child

[Jojo2408]

DS is 3, and has been going to this particular nursery for a year now. DH picked him up today and DS has huge scratches on his cheek, eyelid and underneath his eye. They’re quite deep.

The nursery manager explained that there is a group of 4 boys who are particularly boisterous with each other. DS is apparently one of those boys. She reassured us he isn’t being singled out or bullied and she said she was very surprised DS has the potential to be so rough, as he is a very sweet natured boy.

DS has complained about the boy who scratched him on a few different occasions but then will sometimes say he is his friend. I have spoken to the nursery before about the hitting etc and they assured me they will keep an eye on him.

However, I really think the nursery staff shouldn’t have let it get to this point. I understand a bit of rough and tumble is normal but the scratches he has may leave scars, that’s how deep they are. I’m not really sure how to proceed, and whether I should keep him at this nursery, as we were thinking of keeping him on in their pre school class in September. It just seems to be a recurring issue but I’m not sure if this is normal?

The nursery manager said they are going to monitor the boys more carefully and potentially split them up for some time if they don’t stop.

Just wanted anyone else’s advice on how to proceed? Whether I should just let it go now that I’ve spoken to the nursery or if I should put in a proper complaint/remove DS. I have spoken to DS and reiterated what his teachers have said about keeping his hands to himself and if anyone hits him or pushes him to immediately tell the teacher.

I think it is quite hard for nurseries to stop this kind of thing when the children are choosing to play together, and this is how they play. The only grounds for complaint really are that they haven't been intervening to calm the children down sooner each time, so now that they've said they will, I guess you either trust them to follow through or you don't?

I would also expect the nursery to get the other child's parents to cut his fingernails though.

We have had a similar issue. My child is 2.5 and in his room there are mainly boys, 4 or 5 of whom are boisterous and a smaller number within that with whom there are concerns around aggression (mostly normal things like biting, pushing etc). He has been bitten on a few occasions, once quite deep/hard. We had a meeting where we were reassured that the nursery is working with the parents of the unspecified other boys in terms of their behavior, they had split the room to try and mitigate and they were keeping a closer eye on mine and encouraging him to tell them if he ever got hurt ( on the occasion of the bite they didn't know it had happened but on other occasions they have seen it happen and were unable to intervene in time). I'm torn between understanding that this is all fairly normal toddler behavior, feeling reassured etv and being concerned that my son is now mirroring this at home. He is quiet at nursery and never retaliates. It's really tricky and I think my answer is to give it more time and keep a closer eye. We are however planning to move soon so there may be a change of nursery at around pre school time

Like biting, the challenge with scratching is that it can happen in the blink of an eye. Children playing a bit boisterously, but happily, and then suddenly one scratches. Or playing calmly side by side with toys, one picks up the truck the other wanted, scratch. So often not easy for the staff to prevent in the first instance.

However, now that it has happened, it seems completely reasonable to expect that child's nails to be kept short for a bit.

Are you otherwise happy with the nursery and staff?

We had the same issue at this age - they start to choose a group to play with and seemed to play by jumping on each other pretending to be dinosaurs! The nursery did say they would keep an eye but we do get the occasional injury. I'm otherwise happy with the place so have accepted it happens.

Thank you @skkyelark we are otherwise very happy with the nursery. DS has no issues going there, he happily skips and hops there in the mornings and comes back home happy. He only goes 3 days a week. The staff are on the whole very lovely and DS has developed a very strong bond with them. I wouldn’t like to give up his nursery over this incident so will see how it goes!

Have the staff at the very least had a word with the parents and made sure the child’s nails are properly trimmed.

I’m going to mention this, as it is highly concerning that the child was able to cause that much damage. I keep DS nails quite short all the time, and if he does accidentally scratch me it doesn’t break the skin at all.

I think this is unfortunately quite normal. As pp have said it happens in the blink of an eye so it's extremely difficult to prevent, particularly if it hasn't happened before. You don't know a scratcher is a scratcher until they've scratched. Same with biters.

You can get silicone patches and gels (I think the recommendation I see is for kell-cote) to help wound healing and reduce scarring. Not sure if they are safe to be used on children’s faces but might be worth looking into.