Not returning to work following maternity leave

[OneZingyPeachPoster]

I always intended to return to work following my maternity leave. However my husband and I have decided that we don’t want to put our little one into nursery and don’t have any family nearby that can help. I submitted a flexible working request to move to 1 day a week (down from full time) as husband works 4 days. Employer has asked if I could do 2 days for a year then look to move to pretty much full time after that. This doesn’t work for us. I am assuming that I will have to resign rather than them making me redundant. Is this correct? Any advice would be gratefully received!

To be honest, I think I would do the two days and let your husband do the four days and then just pay for a one day at nursery. It would be nice for dc maybe?

And then I would revisit the idea next year if they want to go back full-time you can hand in your notice then…

You are correct you would need to resign.

Going down to 1 day a week from a full time role is a big ask.

Surely a day or two a week at nursery would be OK?

Nursery benefits children as well... they learn social skills, prepare for school, try new things they might not be exposed to at home. What's your reasoning for not wanting to put your DC in?

And yes you would have to resign, this wouldn't be redundancy.

Didn’t see the part about redundancy…this would not be considered redundancy.

Thanks for confirming.

Will you have to pay back any mat pay if you don’t return?

Assuming that your full time job is still there as an option if you wanted to return to it, then redundancy isn't relevant here, and you would of course have to resign.

The two days sound good, little one would benefit from socialising with other children of a similar age. You’d then need to resign as your role isn’t redundant, you just don’t want to do it anymore. After a year of 2 days your employer might find they like you on 2 days so you never know x

This! I will try it you might like it and after six months if you really don’t and you’re a DC is not getting on in nursery you can just hand in your notice. What have you got to lose?

Yes, you would have to resign. You can go back to them and say it’s one day or you’ll have to look for other opportunities and see what they say. They’ll probably say that’s not workable though (which I’m sure you knew was a risk when you discussed not using nursery). Depending on your industry, you might be able to find more adhoc work /be self employed and keep that day working if that’s what you want. Otherwise, welcome to the stay at home mum club - it’s great fun!

Is there an option to apply for a career break (in my workplace you can request one for between 6 months and 5 years, and childcare would be a very common reason to take one)? That way your job would be waiting for you. Good luck and enjoy the time with your little one ☺️

I would do the 2 days, and would also put the baby in childcare for 2 days, one of your working days plus one other. I found when mine was only in one day/week, he never fully settled because it was too long between sessions. It allows a bit more 'give' in your week having one day where you don't have a baby to do things that are tricky to do with a baby in tow, whether that is life admin or fun stuff.

Closer to when your child is 1, you will realize they need nursery. 2 days in nursery would be brilliant. Mine is almost 11 months and there is no way I will be able to give him the kind of stimulation he needs as a toddler on my own. He is already walking and climbing and loving books, learning new thing every day. He LOVES playgroups and soft play. Loves watching other kids, I noticed he is also copying them sometimes.

Your employer's proposal is brilliant. I would kill for that.

Oh and yes, I agree with this. Friends who have tried nursery for only a few hours a week found it really challenging. Toddlers love routine.

Two days sounds a really good offer. You also should consider your pension etc and future employability or if you and DH were to separate. I’d take the two days and find childcare for one of those days.

Have a read through this, you may be able to appeal if appropriate: https://www.acas.org.uk/statutory-flexible-working-requests

Although I do think a drop to one day is a big ask and the business likely has valid reasons for refusing.

As others have said, 2 days for a year is a good compromise and you may find DC flourishes at nursery. Why are you against sending them?

On a side note, if you don’t return from maternity leave it is highly likely that you will need to repay any occupational maternity pay you have received

Just want to offer an alternative perspective as someone who did decide to stay home full time in the end!

For me, 1-2 was such a wonderful time off with my son. Personally, I found the newborn phase really tough and as he got older (more robust!) and we could have more adventures, I found it way easier to be home full time and was really glad he didn’t go to nursery. We found local playgroups for a bit of socialising and the rest of the time we just hung out together and explored near and far. I think they actually don’t need that much from you at that age (apart from attention and a billion tonnes of patience!). I think closer to 3 is when I really saw that nursery would benefit him. This is obviously just my experience though - I know lots of people are happier splitting their time between home and work if they can and are really happy with nursery. Just wanted to balance out the ‘need nursery’ part as I found the opposite to be true.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions, insights and experiences.

Why don’t you want your little one to go to a nursery. It is very stimulating for them and only imho I think it’s far better than being at home with very little social interaction

It is certainly true that you have to put in the effort to create their social circle so def worth looking into groups and activities nearby, OP. I found this super easy but I’m also in a very family friendly area. I’d also say my son is pretty confident, good at sharing/playing with others and chatty even with new people - only adding to highlight being at home doesn’t have to mean poor social skills!