Autistic traits or just being a baby?

[anonymama1234]

Hi all,
So I’m starting this thread to seek some advice from mums, ideally with SEN experience with babies. Discussed with MIL who said to put on here! I’m not looking to bash her, she is a wonderful woman and says this out of care but would just appreciate others insight.

For context, I have an 8.5m baby girl (DD2) who my MIL believes is autistic. My 10yo DD (different dads) is confirmed AuDHD however I didn’t notice any “signs” with her as I was young with no support, so believed it was all normal. DH brother also has severe autism so it runs in the family, both from my side and DH. MIL has raised concerns regarding DD2 traits and believes she may be exhibiting autistic traits, however I believe it is just her being a baby. Here are some things she is concerned about.

1. She hand flaps, constantly. Not just when excited or happy, all the time. Open and closes fists repetitively too, whilst flapping hands. Would say approximately 85% of her waking time she is flapping.
2. Doesn’t answer her name yet and will just zone out onto things
3. Won’t eat solids, just about handles completely blended food and even then it’s maybe 6 tablespoons of fruit a day. EBF. I’ve tried holding off boobie feeds so she is hungry but still shows no interest.
4. MIL feels she is delayed physically, she can roll over both ways but that’s about it. I have seen her push up onto her arms so I know she can do it but it’s not often. She also doesn’t sit for long unassisted yet (and only does the slump sitting - maybe for 10 seconds before falling over), but she can sit in her bumbo fine.
5. Randomly stiffens up her entire body, like what babies do when excited, but without any reason
6. Spends a good amount of time kicking her legs, or hitting herself to fall asleep.. Sometimes I feel she’s going to hurt herself as she’s basically punching herself in the head
7. Rarely cries, whinges when she wants something/gets frustrated but even when she’s knocked herself in the face with a toy etc she doesn’t cry. Even as a newborn the only time she cried is when she had really bad trapped gas but I’ve probably heard her cry 5 times in her life?
8. Doesn’t sleep well, never slept more than 2/3 hours and constantly has to have me near her
9. Laugh is very monotone, she doesn’t have any pitch

I’m sure these are normal behaviours… The reason I don’t suspect autism is:

1. She was laughing at 7 weeks, interactive laughing back at me making her laugh, not a little giggle.
2. She makes eye contact, she smiles loads and reaches out for me… Well she actually just leans into me but same thing
3. She has been clapping since 6 months and has great pinscer grasp, passing toys from different hands, loves noisy toys etc. She seems quite advanced socially
4. She recognises people / caregivers
5. She is babbling mama and has been since 6m

She’s a EBF baby - she doesn’t want to be away from me which is normal and she doesn’t sleep well because again… she’s a baby!

Thanks in advance for any advice/participation

Does your Mil not know that every baby is different. Is she qualified to say it is? Talk to your HV.

Your MIL is probably traumatised from her experiences with DHs brother. Autism was poorly understood, mothers were blamed for not "mothering" right and somehow causing the autism, and there was a lot of stigma. She is trying to heal that trauma by trying to see what she might have done differently by comparison with your child. This is not healthy for her, but it is understandable.

Any of these traits can be present in any baby. They are not a sign of neurodivergence. If your baby does turn out to be autistic then the fact that these traits were detected this early may be noted as significant but if she isn't autistic then these traits at 8.5mo are totally meaningless and do nor mean she is a "little bit" autistic.

Autism is nothing to be ashamed or frightened of. There is a genetic component so as it runs in the family it is possible that your DD is autistic. If she is, then trying to teach her not to be will only make her miserable, and understanding and supporting her will enable her to thrive. If she isn't autistic, then no harm will be done by getting her assessed when she is old enough but no kind of diagnosis is valid this early.

My babies did all that at her age and are neurotypical (I'm not in the UK and they screen them all for ND at school at 7, 9 and 11 to catch everyone).

I just think its impossible at that age to tell. She maybe she may not be it will become clearer in a few years.

I’d be a little concerned particularly with such a strong family history. A lot of the stuff you’ve written can be normal baby stages, but given the history, the long list, and input from a woman who has experienced this for years, I’d probably raise it with a health visitor tbh. All mine are autistic, and I felt I knew when they were babies but was dismissed for years.

The one thing that jumped out was the random stiffening, which is likely to be nothing, but if I were you I’d film it and get a GP to check.

And sadly this:

”Autism was poorly understood, mothers were blamed for not "mothering" right and somehow causing the autism, and there was a lot of stigma.”

We haven’t moved on very much, mother blame is still very much alive and well.

I think it is hard to tell with babies unless there is something massively obvious. If there is something, you will notice in the next couple of years. With my youngest it was more obvious by two as they were very delayed physically. With my eldest it was more subtle, but by reception it was clear that he was unable to do the same things as his peers, struggled emotionally and struggled with boundaries. Do you get checks with a HV?

My daughter is autistic but did all your 5 points as to why you thinks yours ISN'T autistic. She didn't do any of the things, other than refuse solids, that your MIL seems to think are autistic traits. Relax, enjoy your baby. She will be what she will be.

I think its good you are aware its a possibility. And really at this point the best thing to do is keep a detailed list. For any assessment in the future it will be very handy .
And then just see how they get on.

Speak to your GP or health visitor about it all - they'll reassure you but also note it all so if you do need an assessment for her in the future it's all recorded as an early picture of her development. But all babies are so different whether neurodiverse or not, and some things she will grow out of and some things she might not. She might develop new things you'll worry about and she might not. When my daughter went through her assessment aged 6 we did discuss early development and things that, with hindsight, stood out as unusual. Refusal to sleep, no interest in food, and being very advanced in her physical abilities were key things from her baby days, but only as part of a much bigger picture of her development over time.

It’s you again with the endless lists about your daughter being autistic and the username with numbers in it.

FFS.

I would say it’s probably too young to know. 9-12 months the HV will do a developmental review and see how she scores on the ASQs. At this age they wouldn’t do much other than wait and see anyway, but it might give you more of an idea of if there’s any delays.

Thank you all for your replies. I don’t have a HV at the moment as they signed us off, and she has not been vaccinated so I’ve been left to it. Appreciate differing views on this so no hate please. I shall reach out to them. @Chanonrypoint and @Audhdmumma I note you mentioned refusal of solids, do you mind if I ask you a little bir about this? DD2 really is struggling, it’s now got to the point she isn’t gaining weight and has dropped a centile bracket (from 75th-91st to just above 50th). I have tried everything, blended, lumpy, BLW, holding back milk feeds… bought every gadget to help make food etc. She sometimes eats BLW and fruit pouches which I blend to basically water consistency but other than that she just doesn’t eat. Any suggestions? I’m under a dr about this who says to push on and if she doesn’t want it to offer milk but she’s just not gaining weight? TIA

also @howcanistayhingedi think you have the wrong person as ive not made a post as you stated before

Way too young to say, but the constant hand flapping and stiffening up of her body is a real red flag sign for me. All the other stuff could be easily explained away by them just being a baby.

Why does everyone think everything is autism nowadays. It must really take away from enjoying your baby. Please try to relax, babies do very weird things

I think it’s the No 2 that’s a bit more of a red flag
my kids went through all the other points , my youngest is NT , but he did go through a very red flag stage we were convinced he has autism, but now he simply doesnt

my oldest though who pretty much has all these signs, has adhd so although not ASD, he is not NT so but tricky to answer

Well if your baby hasn’t been vaccinated, you have other things to worry about. I’m not saying don’t worry about possible autism, but it is too early at the moment to know.

Every baby is different but unless she was a preemie, not sitting is a bigger concern, by 8.5 months you expect sitting to be good and many (not all) are pulling to standing. I would say from what you have typed there is sufficient concern to seek professional support, maybe a watch and wait situation but under their guidance

I missed the vaccination bit… no hate at all from us OP, there are certain vaccines that we didn’t repeat (due to bad reaction on 1st one) , but there are others we did extra , on top of the national schedule

please consider at least giving the basic ones (polio etc)

I won’t hammer you with this it’s your own choice, it’s just a word of caution x

This is what I was going to say.

Some hand flapping etc is normal, baby excitement, but 85% of waking time being hand flapping is a pretty big red flag- or it would be for me anyway.

Not being able to sit independently at 8.5 months is a bit delayed, but that doesn’t necessarily mean autism.

@anonymama1234 This is in no way a suggestion about your own baby, it's purely our experience. From day one of trying to wean her she hated it, it was like she couldn't stand the feeling of puree in her mouth. She'd spit it straight back out and spray it everywhere. She'd take tiny bits of really tasty things eg ice cream or chocolate, but it was more like letting the taste melt in her mouth rather than actually eating it. She also bizarrely liked lemon and would suck on it if she got her hands on it. We just muddled through. She probably had bottles longer than she should have but how else do you get nutrition in? That then has affected her baby teeth.

Once she was a bit older and could try finger foods and be in control it was a little better, but not much. She's now almost 9 and food is a constant battle - she's not diagnosed as ARFID but has many of the traits and has safe foods she would live off if she could. She understands the importance of eating now as sport is a huge part of her life and she can see how not eating affects her performance, but she doesn't really 'like' food. Her issues with food have been a part of her ADHD/autism diagnosis and we worked out early on that she doesn't actually feel hunger, her version of hunger shows itself as behavioural issues such as bad temper and irritability, so we've tried all sorts of strategies but it's ongoing.
I understand the stress you're going through with this though as it's really hard having a baby that won't eat, hopefully it's a phase, and you're already working with your dr which is the best thing you can do

My apologies. There is a regular poster who types in the same style with numbered lists and a name with numbers in it. She posts a lot of

Yes I agree, this is a concern, and also the not sitting. At 8.5 months you’d expect them to be able to sit, and lots are pulling up and crawling at that age too. I’d get her checked out by a HV or GP.

Please please please vaccinate you baby. No hate ! I’m guessing you have read alot but believe me it’s mainly bad science designed to scare you. Speak to a proper doctor about this.

Is there a reason why your baby has not been vaccinated. Did you get your DD vaccinated?

Thank you again to all who have responded. I will reach out to a HV. I have been told however the sitting part isn’t classed as delayed, as she can sit up, albeit for about 10 seconds before she falls over. Apparently she just needs to build up muscle to do it. Doctor has already advised me of this. said to wait until 12m before investigating physical delays.
@Audhdmummathank you so much for the reply and that is very similar to my little girl, though BLW she will eat and chew just not consistently as depends on her, so it feels she’s not actually taking much in. She’s never given any hunger cues funnily enough, even as a newborn, so that’s a good point for me to consider. Will raise to doctor - thanks so much!

Respectfully to the people asking regarding vaccinations, I appreciate the comments and again no rudeness back intended but this post isn’t about that, I simply stated she hadn’t been vaccinated to avoid anyone stating that as being the reason as people love to blame autism signs on that lol. DD1 nearly lost her life due to vaccinations (confirmed was due to this) so will not be doing it again. DD2 can have them done when older if she wishes. Thanks for the concern. If to post about risk to others, small risk, very small village and if everyone else is vaccinated then shouldn’t be an issue.