I’ve been vilified as a Mum…

[TheMaryClaire]

I’ve been vilified on here and considered whether or not to post anythng else at all.. The amount of vitriol I received from fellow mothers (I assume they are mothers) is beyond anything I ever conceived.

I read 3 pages of responses but had to stop

Many lovely posters were supportive to me too and I want to thank you for that

After taking some time to reflect I want to make clear, my OP was rushed and lacked detail, and this resulted in me and my DD getting bashed.

My DD is 3 years old, she gets screen time, but she also enjoys books, colouring, etc. We do loads together, I’m not a “screen parent”, tho I understand why it may have come across like that I think anyone who has a child understands that kids are not perfect all the time and they go through different phases, some days they may be harder to handle than others. And yes, those days I succumb and give her my phone to watch videos on YT Kids.

I want to make clear that I keep my eyes on her and don’t let her go far by hersefl. She was not a danger to the staff or anyone else, she was just restless but was not screaming or crying.

I guess there’s much more to say but it’s impossible to respond to everything and I can’t and don’t want to please or agree with everyone

While my post was not intended to turn into what it turned into, at least now I know that the vast majority is on the same page as the lady who crossed a boundary and felt the need to parent my child. And I am sad to know that we are still in that mindset where we feel like we can do that to strangers children, and more so here on this forum.

Will not share personal experiences on this space anymore

I'm not sure what was on your previous post as I haven't paid to have that feature but just remember you get a lot of extreme replies on here, no one knows you personally so they can only go on minimal detail, try not to take it too personally x

What feature? Just do a search on username

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5357269-i-saw-someone-pointing-fingers-at-my-dd

I can’t see your previous posts either. It is a public forum though and any lists will attract a variety of opinions and you’ve said that your OP was rushed?

I hope you find the support you’re after either here, with more details in your post or somewhere else

@Tidekiln

You don't need to pay for this. Just use "Advanced search" and search the username.

Previous threads will come up.

I'm not going to post the link, but as OP hasn't name changed then I assume she is OK for people to look up previous threads.

Edited to say that someone else has posted the link whilst I was typing.

Ah sorry guys yes I see it now 🤣 I didnt realise, or had forgotten I could do that as I think I remember doing that before

you were wrong to let your daughter wonder around. And i am aghast that people are so uptight about other people stepping to say "no" to your child when you are not prepared to parent. What would you rather, some community minded person "pointing a finger" at your wayward daughter, or some waiter accidentally spilling a mug or two of boiling tea on her.

Learn from the experience.

Maybe just learn from it. I’ve done the same thing posted in haste then been slated. Dont worry. Think the thing is you agreed your daughter shouldn’t have been walking round. The lady maybe handled it wrong but most of us would find a child walking round a restaurant irritating and a hazard.

just pop it in the memory bank and move on.

All of this because you don't believe people don't want your kid wandering around when when they're trying to eat?

The entitlement is staggering. Get over yourself.

I don’t really post many things on here any more either OP unless it’s something straightforward. The last time I did it affected my mental health a bit and it’s not worth it. Some people can be really supportive but some are trolls or just not very nice. Try to forget about it.

I think you need to remember that you’re right in the middle of the toddler bubble and whilst there are lots of people who will get great joy from seeing your daughter there are others who won’t. I found small children annoying before I had my own and tbh in a restaurant setting I feel like that now my own children are young adults. I’ve done my time now let me move on. So I’m likely similar to the lady who wasn’t happy with your dd.

money and time are tight for most people and I don’t want to spend my leisure time having to navigate someone’s kid. Its not that she’s a bad child or you’re a bad parent, it’s just not the right time and place.

Saw your other post and can't believe you've decided to start another. You were being unreasonable and overreacted to another person stepping in to parent your child. You were told so ad nauseum yet still have taken it as a personal attack rather than a general social consensus that you were in the wrong in this situation.

Op in your previous post you had about a thousand people telling you that your 3 yo should not be allowed to wander around a restaurant unattended.
But, you’re not listening…
You were in the wrong but you want everyone to agree that a woman who pointed at your child because you were not parenting her, was out of order.
She wasn’t, you were…

OP, you were vilified because you were in the wrong.

Toddlers should not be allowed to wander around in restaurants - it's inconsiderate to both the staff for whom she will be an obstacle and a safety hazard, and to other customers who have not have paid to be interrupted by someone else's child.

Most people, faced with 95% of posters telling them YABU, would wonder whether maybe they were, in fact, in the wrong.

But you have started a second thread to tell everyone they are meanies...

I think many of us can relate to this, but also one does have to sometimes put one's initial defensiveness aside and you might actually learn something.

I've had to do that once or twice and I actually learned some valuable stuff - like not projecting myself too much on to my child. It was hard to hear it, but I made an effort to learn from that and I'm pleased I did. If you come here for advice, some of it may be harsh, but sometimes it's also fair, TBH.

I didn’t see your last post but I can glean from your OP and the posts on here that your 3 year old was walking around a restaurant unattended but with you watching from your table.

You can’t do that. It’s such a hazard and a nuisance.

My 3 year old has never been handed my phone to watch anything. Take sticker books, colouring books, a few magnet tiles to make a little house on the table and some mini figurines… and then if she’s restless by all means go for a wander. With her.

the wider question is: when a parent isn't supervising, or supervising badly, and a child is in a dangerous or unsafe place, doing dangerous or unsafe things, OP seems to be suggesting that not one person should say "no".

That is batshit, but this "nobody is ever allowed to talk to my child" mentality is catching hold. (but when people want help with their offspring it's all "wah wah where's the village?"

So the real question is: at what point do you step in? (i am #TeamPointingFinger here)

I read your last post and didn't think much of it - so I didn't reply. Kids piss about in restaurants, it's what they do! You'll either get people who smile at them and let them crack on or one who'll make a comment or like what happened to you, step in. You'll get the same types of people on here. It's a shame you've been targeted the way you have, it's really not that big a deal but others may think different. I hope you're ok OP.