5 month old staying regularly at grandparents helping mental health

[Kim1993x]

I currently have a 5 month old baby who doesn’t sleep very well at all. I have a very supportive partner who cleans cooks and helps with night feeds. However, even when he helps with night feeds and I try and sleep in the other room I still do not sleep very well as I am aware of baby crying and waking up. Sleep deprivation is taking its toll and I feel anxious I am not the best mum I can be when I am running on such little sleep. My parents have had my baby over night once, whilst this was extremely difficult it really did help me. They have offered to have him over night once a month for me to catch up on sleep. Does anyone else do this and has it had a positive effect on mental health?

My parents had my daughter for one night every other week for about 8 weeks from when she was about 3 months old. I was at breaking point, running on zero sleep with a refluxy, colicky baby and I couldn’t sleep even if my husband dealt with her at night at home. I genuinely think it saved my sanity knowing that I only had to get to X day before I could sleep. If you’re happy with it and your parents are happy with it then go for it!!

It was a bit of an older age (probably from about 11 months) but my in laws had my DD1 once a week overnight for a couple of months. I was like you, just couldn’t sleep as I always had one ear open, even if DH was dealing with the night wakings (which he did basically every night because I had such bad PND).

The outcome is my DD has a very close relationship with my in laws, and I didn’t go insane.

(I’ll add that this was right after the first Covid lockdown, and we had lived with my in laws during that time to help with wfh with a small child while the nurseries were closed. So she knew their house very well)

I breastfed so couldn't do that. But my best friend formula fed and left her baby every Saturday night with her mum from around 3 months. Her and her DH got a proper weekend together, every weekend, as well as a good night sleep and a lie in. The child is now 3 and still does an overnight most weekends. She is happy and well developed and loves her mum AND her grandma.

I can't even imagine how that would feel. Do it.

But once a month is not enough. If anything, more often would be better so that baby gets used to them. And better for you too.

My DGD was a terrible sleeper, so we used to have her overnight once a week. We started at 18 months, as she was still breastfed before that, and continued until she started school. I know it made such a difference to my DD. My DGD I a teenager now, but still enjoys a sleepover and we are super close.

I didn’t do this (no grandparents around to offer any support of any kind), but I think it’s a lovely gesture. One thing I’d caution, if you need the sleep, is not turning into a night out with your partner where you stay up late and don’t sleep very well.

I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a night out with your partner! But in these early days, you probably don’t need it as much as you just need to go to bed and sleep.

One thing you might also consider is you going to your parents to sleep and be looked after. And your partner can be on duty that night with your baby. This solves the problem of you not sleeping well in the spare room. Obviously only if being at your parents is relaxing and not stressful.